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- A variety of acts perform in front of a live audience and a panel of judges for a chance to win £250,000 and perform for the British Royal Family at the Royal Variety Performance.
- The life of Tracey and the mishaps of her neighbourhood, friends and family, and of course, her boyfriend.
- BGT's tongue-in-cheek sister show in which Stephen Mulhern loses the will to live as he chats with some of the more eccentric acts, plus some backstage shenanigans with Ant and Dec.
- Past winners, finalists and contestants from Britain's Got Talent and international versions of Got Talent compete to be crowned the ultimate winner.
- A comedy series adapted from the comic-strip of the same name appearing in "The Oldie" magazine. Simon Callow stars as rebellious pensioner Henry Palmer.
- V Sign is an upcoming British sci-fi comedy series that follows a group of human survivors fighting off the universe's most incompetent alien invasion force.
- The TV trivia comedy quiz returns for a 2nd series. Paul and team captains Fay Ripley and Rob Beckett are joined by comedian Katherine Ryan, former Olympian Denise Lewis, television presenter Gregg Wallace and rapper Big Zuu.
- When comedian Max Baker dies his son Michael reluctantly agrees to write his biography which brings him into contact with Max's old comedy partner, the self-important purveyor of malapropisms Count Arthur Strong. Arthur takes Michael - and a foot spa - to the local café, where he erroneously believes they are offering two teas for the price of one. Back home Arthur subjects Michael to his Memory Man act but ends up having an accident with the foot spa. Next day Arthur attends Max's funeral, giving a speech which reduces Michael to tears when Arthur declares how much Max loved his son, a fact of which he was unaware. However the day ends in disaster when Arthur's friends tuck into the funeral spread and one has an accident.
- Michael discovers that Arthur has been advertising various services - including as a life studies model, with shocking results - on cards in a newsagent window and suggests he would reach a wider audience by going online, so he lends him a computer. However Arthur uses it to send abusive messages in Michael's name, so it is swiftly confiscated. To atone for this Michael agrees to join Arthur on his Jack the Ripper tours, which he runs from an ice cream van. However disaster strikes when angry kids learn that they do not sell ice cream and take appropriate action.
- When an actor falls ill Count Arthur is offered a small role in a radio play though he soon confuses and annoys his co-stars and writer at the table reading, where they discuss their parts in high-flown terms whilst Arthur just wants to get at the buffet. However, when he gets the young leading man drunk minutes before the recording it looks as if he will end up filling the breach and being the star of the show. Michael meanwhile spends an afternoon buried underneath boxes whilst searching for a letter to his father from Elvis Presley - or was it Tommy Steele?
- When a riot erupts in the street outside the café staff and patrons lock themselves in the back room for safety. Arthur, who assumes the ruckus has been caused by the butcher selling two chops for the price of one, decides to entertain everybody with his selection of songs from the shows. However, they find it torturous and a fight breaks out. Michael manages to quell it by singing 'Moon River' and finds himself in a duet with Arthur.
- Following Arthur's latest job as a dog walker Michael gets bitten by one of the dogs, fulfilling mad Pole Katya's prophesy of doom. Michael is taken to casualty by Arthur, who, in his quest for a comfortable seat, is mistaken for a doctor, a role he relishes, having once played Doctor Two in a television soap. However, this is bad news for Michael, about to undergo a biopsy to test for rabies, though for Arthur there is worse news to come, bringing the prophesy true.
- Following the death of Katya Arthur becomes reclusive and convinced that she is not happy so he summonses the café regulars to a séance, drawing a protective pentangle on the magic blackboard to ward off evil spirits. Though the spirit message reads I Smell Good. Give Bricks To the Baby I Superstar Arthur ' Arthur eventually realizes that Katya will never be at peace until he has buried her artificial leg and so a burial is conducted. Michael then leaves London, making a gift of his book to Arthur.
- Sharon and Tracey have not spoken for years, since Sharon called Tracey's new husband Ralph a bad lot - which he was, hence Tracey's divorcing him. Now, in a meeting engineered by Tracey's schoolboy son Travis, they both turn up for a book signing by sexy authoress Foxy Cohen - who is actually Dorien. Appalled that Sharon is living in a dismal flat Tracey invites her to stay again, but then Dorien arrives. Served with a writ for plagiarism and with her assets frozen, she becomes Tracey's next lodger - to Sharon's annoyance. And to add to an already full house, Garth returns unannounced from Australia with his new wife Marcie and her little daughter Poppy.
- Everybody is feeling the pinch and Sharon feels as if she is Dorien's slave so, to raise cash, the sisters force their house guest to sell her designer clothes at a boot fair. The sale does well but Tracey still has bills to pay so Gareth gets a job as a chef whilst Marcie starts up her business as a masseuse. Sharon takes Dorien for a job at the World of Quid discount shop but, to Sharon's annoyance, Dorien ends up as the new store manager.
- When Marcie complains that she and Garth have no privacy Tracey moves Poppy into the spare room so she and Sharon end up on the sofa downstairs. Constant interruptions lead Sharon to sleep in the attic, where she finds a bag containing fifty thousand pounds. After Sharon has spent some of it, getting Dorien into trouble, Garth discovers that the money was being guarded by his father for the fearsome Coker brothers whilst they are in prison and must not be touched at any cost.
- Garth plans to open his new restaurant but the building is in poor condition and Tracey is happy to date Robin, the plumber in charge of renovation. Dorien goes to visit the very elderly Stanley, whom she hopes to marry for his money whilst Sharon surprises a burglar who turns out to be old flame Lenny. When the restaurant's opening hits a snag Garth uses the house as temporary premises but Sharon dumps Lenny when he tries to rob the diners, Dorien's plan to propose to Stanley comes unstuck and Tracey realizes that Robin is trying to turn her into a clone of his ex-wife.
- Tracey is angry when Travis gets a tattoo to impress a girl at school but when it is revealed that she spent money on Botox - hence her inability to change expression - he accuses her of hypocrisy. Sharon fears she is going deaf so Tracey gives her money for a hearing aid, which she spends on having her own tattoo removed. After all the deafness was just a pork ball stuck in her ear.
- Sharon gets a visit from estranged husband Chris, seeking a quick divorce so that he can marry his new love Angie, a blind woman. Angie and Dorien hit it off and she, along with the sisters, is invited to the engagement party. Here however Dorien learns that Chris has inherited a villa in Cyprus and it is clear that he wants the quick divorce so that Sharon has no claim to it. Sharon, Tracey and Dorien take appropriate vengeful action before they are thrown out.
- An irate Dorien resigns from World of Quid after discovering that her racy novel has ended up in the bargain bucket and soon afterwards Sharon is sacked for suspected fiddling. Back home they find out that Tracey has also quit her job as Robin is trying to turn her into a clone of his former wife. With no money coming in the women argue with angry words exchanged though fortunately Travis has posted a supposed Tweet from David Beckham recommending Garth's restaurant, which is subsequently flooded with customers, allowing Garth to help the women out financially.
- 1989–202022mTV-147.9 (33)TV EpisodeIn the supermarket Sharon and Tracey meet two elderly sisters, friendly Annie and grumpy Sadie, who lives with her, and hope this will not be them in thirty years time. Next day they accompany Dorien to court, where she successfully defends herself against the plagiarism charge by proving that her book is based on her own racy love life. After celebrating at a lavish hotel Dorien and the sisters return home. Dorien now has all her assets unfrozen and can go where she likes - but her decision what to do next does not come as a surprise to Tracey or Sharon.
- Dorien is treating herself, Sharon and Tracey to a Christmas holiday in the Canaries but even before the plane has taken off annoying passenger Morgan's predictions of disaster have caused nervous flier Tracey to hit the bottle whilst Dorien makes a play for a handsome but unresponsive man who locks her in the toilet to get rid of her. When Sharon's bath salts start to leak Morgan declares that there is a bomb on board and the flight is postponed. The trio return home where Garth, deserted by Marcie, and Travis are hoping to hold a party and end up with a celebration of their own with a few friends from the plane and a couple of Garth's handsome mates.
- 1989–202022mTV-147.1 (29)TV EpisodeWhilst conducting market research Dorien gives the family an IQ test and Sharon amazes the others with her extremely high IQ. Travis uses her in a school experiment, much to her annoyance, whilst Dorien also exploits her by persuading her to go for a job with MI5, as Dorien wants information for a spy novel she is planning. Tracey, however, is more concerned about Garth, who feels useless and unhappy now that Marcie has returned to Australia.
- 1989–202022mTV-147.7 (29)TV EpisodeAmongst fan mail from readers of her book Dorien finds a letter from Naomi, the daughter she gave up for adoption fifty years ago after she fell pregnant as an unmarried teenager. Dorien is not keen to see her so Tracey writes her a letter posing as Dorien though the result surprises everybody. Meanwhile Tracey teaches Travis a lesson for taking her for granted.
- 1989–202022mTV-147.1 (28)TV EpisodeTracey gets a letter from her auntie Vera, who is retiring as Pearly Queen and wants her to take over but Tracey faces competition from a jealous Sharon, who believes she should have the title and they go head to head to see which can raise the most money for charity. Meanwhile Dorien gets to finally meet her daughter Naomi and after a shaky start finds that they have more in common than Dorien had imagined. Unfortunately Naomi has just been offered a parish in New Zealand.
- Dorien's Book group is coming round to discuss Crime and Punishment- Surprisingly Appropriate when Tracy warns Garth not Lead his younger brother astray. Source: TV program Information from the program it self.
- 1989–202022mTV-147.6 (26)TV EpisodeSharon gets a job as a school dinners supervisor and recruits Garth, who is more used to running a restaurant, as her cook and Tracey as her washer-up. However Sharon's dictatorial attitude almost leads to an all-out walk out by the staff. Dorien, meanwhile, having lost money playing online poker, gets a job as a dress shop assistant but is not pleased when the owner turns out to be her old rival Melanie Fishman, who reminds her of an embarrassing incident when they were at school.
- Sharon plans to take Tracey and Dorien on a 70s weekend but whilst the trio are out buying clothes, Dorien spots a malignant mole on Tracey's back and insists she sees the doctor. Tracey wants to keep any bad news away from her sister but Sharon finds out anyway. Then Tracey's biopsy result arrives.
- With Naomi preparing to fly to New Zealand and the boys off to a rock festival Sharon, Tracey and Dorien have a weekend at a health spa where Sharon and Tracey discuss the worst case scenario for her test results. The weekend is interrupted when Tracey and Dorien suffer maternal concerns but when Tracey's results come through the trio is happily united.
- Michael returns from a stay in York to find that Arthur has written a racist, er, racy novel for the over-70s, Fifty Crates of Plates, and Michael passes it to his agent Sheila for her consideration. Then he discovers that the central characters are called Michael and Sheila so a plan is hatched to steal the manuscript whilst Sheila is away for the weekend and substitute another with different names. Posing as 24 hour painters Arthur and Michael break into the house, unaware that Sheila's relations are house sitting. They may not get the book back but at least they get to see 'Captain Phillips', the DVD Sheila's brother-in-law is watching.
- 2013–201729mTV-PG9.0 (49)TV EpisodeArthur recalls how fifty years ago he fell for a girl called Eileen but she rejected him to go with a man from the Royal Air Force so Michael decides it would be a nice present for Arthur to give him a taste of life in the clouds and books him a flying lesson. Unfortunately at the airfield Arthur meets another novice pupil, young Jeremy, and both mistake the other for the instructor and zoom up and away. At 2000 feet Arthur discovers that Jeremy was also jilted and persuades him to impress his girlfriend by flying to win her back. Arthur bails and back on the ground a surprise awaits him.
- Kept awake by midnight roadworks Arthur tries to persuade local election candidate J. P. Cooling to put a stop to them but gets little joy. As a result he puts himself forward as a candidate with his slogan, We're Listening' - which is something he tends not to do as he goes on the knocker, until he is temporarily deafened and agrees with everybody. This puts him way ahead in the polls but then he is called upon for a photo shoot with his rival with less than happy results.
- Having seen the psychiatric assessment of Arthur for his failed audition for 'Celebrity Flat Share' café owner Bulent is convinced that Arthur is a dangerous psychopath. Meanwhile a rogue plumber who has been ripping off the cafe's customers makes the mistake of calling on Arthur to repair his boiler and as a result of Arthur's well-meaning but misunderstood eccentricities decides to change for the better.
- Annoyed when another writer is the subject of a newspaper article Michael is pleased when he learns that he is to be featured in a television interview. However he is afraid that Arthur, who has taken over from the late Billy the Living Statue, will upstage him - which he does. To make himself seem more interesting Michael tells a lie which rebounds on him and once more Arthur steals the limelight - though this time unintentionally.
- After all his trousers catch fire Arthur moves in with Michael and they immediately clash over what to watch on television whilst a trip to buy more trousers ends in Arthur's arrest after he mistakes the lift for a changing room. An exasperated Michael now befriends café regular John and is accused of disloyalty by Arthur so waitress Sinem organizes a group therapy session to heal matters.
- After seeing off a cold caller Arthur is outraged to see that on the Psychic Hotline television channel somebody has stolen his mind reading act. He goes to the studio to complain and, as a result, is employed as a TV psychic but the fame goes to his head, unsettling his friends. Michael also has good news when a Hollywood director wants him to go to America to work on a film screen-play though, having recently found love with Sinem, he is undecided. After he has had a conversation with Arthur both men realise what they should do for the best.
- During Darryl's funeral Tracey's house is burgled. The family set out to track down their stolen possessions themselves, this leads them to a snooker hall, a pawnbroker's and a drag club.
- Tracey has finally had enough of Dorien bringing her fellas back to the house and Sharon not bringing a wage in and throws them both out. Can the pair take an united stance?
- Sharon and her sister have a major falling out over both Tracey's relationship with a police officer and her overlooking Garth's feelings for his Dad. Can agony aunt Dorien help?
- When Tracey's ex-husband dies she has to decide what kind of send-off to give him. Sharon wants it to be special for the boys, while Dorien focuses on finding the perfect outfit.
- 1989–202022mTV-148.1 (31)TV EpisodeAuntie Vera can no longer cope with living in a block of flats and so announces that she is going to move in with Sharon and Tracey. The only room available is Dorien's and family comes first.
- Tracey is extremely welcoming when she gets a surprise visitor turning up on her doorstep. Sharon is suspicious of the attractive newcomer, Dorien shocked to the core but Travis is over the moon.
- Travis is in trouble at school but is afraid to tell his mother, so Auntie Sharon comes up with a way to help him - by posing as her sister. This leads to a whole series of problems that only Dorien's seductive powers can get them out of.