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- Apparently, opposites do attract. Malcolm and Eddie are as different as one can imagine, but they're best friends who manage to be roommates as well as co-workers without killing each other.
- In the year 2020, an astronaut becomes a vigilante when he returns from a mission to learn his cop brother's been murdered.
- Though Nicolette is ready to accept, her boyfriend Lt. Stanley Proctor cannot bring himself to ask her to get married. Asked for their help, Malcolm and Eddie agree to speak with Stanley to boost his confidence. Yet, when he even has trouble with them, Malcolm and Eddie arrange for an attractive friend to convince Stanley that he's the most fascinating man in Kansas City. Still unaware that he was set up, Stanley gains renewed confidence in himself. However, instead of asking Nicolette to marry him, he decides that he's not ready to settle down just yet. And while Malcolm asks her to tell the truth about her interest in him, Cidnee admits it was all a ruse before claiming that she ended up finding Stanley attractive after all. When Nicolette asks for an opinion on what to wear when Stanley proposes, Eddie reveals that her boyfriend's newfound confidence has him wanting to date other women instead. In the wake of Nicolette's angry reaction, Malcolm and Eddie set out to change Stanley's mind. And to make Proctor jealous, Eddie poses as Nicolette's new suitor. However, while the ploy works in getting Stanley to propose, Nicolette surprises everyone when she refuses to accept.
- After a wild night leaves him with a strange woman's named tattooed on his arm, Malcolm needs to find some way to make it a little less obvious. Instead of having the tattoo altered, Tim offers to get Malcolm some expensive laser surgery for free, provided he go on a date with his sister Claudine. Despite his strict policy against blind dates, Malcolm agrees, but only if his friends can come along. And that's when he and everyone else gets a dose of Claudine's bad attitude. When no one can interest Claudine in anything fun, Eddie suggests that nobody could seduce her. Rising to the challenge, Malcolm insists that Claudine could never resist him once he puts his mind to it. And just as he thought, she quickly falls prey to his romantic moves. But when Tim accuses him of seducing his sister, he warns Malcolm against breaking her heart or risk keeping his tattoo forever. Hoping to get rid of Claudine without hurting her feelings, Malcolm seeks Eddie's advice. But pretending to be a chain smoker and inviting her on a hunting trip doesn't work. With nowhere else to turn, he then tries putting off Claudine by making Simone jealous. But Simone doesn't take the bait, Malcolm finds that the only way he can rid himself of Claudine is to appear to be a selfish opportunist.
- When Malcolm decides to redesign McGee's, he gets a carpenter to build an exact replica of the bar at Kansas City's legendary Jelly Roll Club. However, there's a problem when Eddie finds that the man hired to build the bar is Harvey Squires, his old nemesis from their days in the Navy together. After Eddie explains how Squires got him blamed for dealing in stolen government property, Nicolette announces that she's bringing the entire police force in for a retirement party. So in order to reopen in time, Malcolm has no choice but to keep Squires on the job. When pressed by Malcolm, Eddie agrees to stop complaining provided that Squires apologize. Told of the demand, Squires insists that it's Eddie who should apologize. Recalling their Navy days together, goes on to paints a completely different picture of Eddie, who he says got him wrongly accused of gambling in their barracks. And when Eddie refuses to apologize, Squires quits, jeopardizing Malcolm's chances to reopen for the party. So Eddie steps in and builds a new bar himself -- one he fashions out of old car parts. When the new bar fails to work, Malcolm sees that the only way to reopen is to settle the disagreement between Eddie and Squires. Asking Nicolette to bring in a lie detector, he discovers that both Eddie and Squires appear to be telling the truth. And that's when the two sworn enemies realize that the person responsible for them being jailed was their barracks-mate, Zelman McBride. However, when Squires heads off to get revenge on McBride, Malcolm is still left without the new bar after the carpenter decides to reopen the old Jelly Roll Club himself.
- A Thanksgiving trip to North Carolina results in a string of disasters as Malcolm suffers panic attacks as the state is beset by a hurricane.
- 1996–200022mTV-PG8.3 (11)TV EpisodeAlthough Malcolm is aware of his romance with Nicolette, Eddie is still intent on keeping it a secret. And even after discovering that everyone else knows, too, Eddie still isn't ready to be seen with her in public. So when Lieutenant Stanley Proctor asks her to be his date at a police department dance, Nicolette must give it serious consideration. Meanwhile, Malcolm's new cook Simone quickly makes it clear that she's interested in him. After giving Eddie a chance to reconsider, Nicolette agrees to be Stanley's date. As Eddie's protests to Nicolette go unheeded, Malcolm buys some questionable lobsters from neighborhood con man Free Willy. And when the caterer for the police department dance suddenly backs out, he arranges for Simone and the lobsters to fill in. Meanwhile, to keep an eye on Nicolette and her date, Eddie arranges to help Malcolm at the dance. After Eddie tries to cut in for a dance of his own, Nicolette is impressed, until she learns he has no intention of changing his secretive approach to their relationship. While Malcolm sees Simone taking her affection towards him just a little too seriously, Eddie tries to divert Lt. Proctor's attention away from Nicolette by announcing that the lobster being served at the dance was stolen. As the Lieutenant prepares to escort Malcolm to jail for questioning, Eddie makes his move on Nicolette. But the plan backfires when Nicolette still demands a commitment. Finally, after seeing Simone waiting for him outside, Malcolm reconsiders being let out of jail.
- With things going well at the club, the staff asks to share in the good fortune and Eddie agrees to approach Malcolm on their behalf. While Malcolm agrees to a small raise, he refuses any health benefits, paid vacations or profit sharing. As a result, Nicolette leads the employees out on strike. When left to run the club on their own, it doesn't take long for Malcolm and Eddie to realize that, without an end to the strike, they'll need to hire a new staff. In an effort to help out, Eddie's visually challenged cousin applies for a job. But it's only after he's hired that Malcolm learns about Dexter's recent stay in a mental institution. After an accident breaks the eyeglasses he needs to look normal, Dexter's patience is tested by a customer's cruel taunts. Although Malcolm tries to keep things under control, a fight quickly erupts. And after the strikers wade into the middle of the brawl to help out, Malcolm offers their jobs back after Nicolette negotiates an acceptable raise.
- After preparing a romantic dinner for two, Malcolm is disappointed when an urgent business meeting takes Ashley out of town at the last minute. Although he remains committed to Ashley, Malcolm cannot resist when Olivia, a singer in the club's new band, expresses an interest in him. However, after overhearing Olivia talking with a friend, Eddie discovers that she's being paid by T.R. Hawkins to come between his daughter, Ashley, and Malcolm. Meanwhile, Eddie's latest admirer is their voyeuristic neighbor, Tonya. On the news that he bought Olivia a new car in exchange for her cooperation, Eddie confronts Hawkins. And even though Hawkins tries to bribe him into cooperating, too, Eddie refuses and tells Malcolm the truth. But when Malcolm asks her about the plan, Olivia admits to having some feelings for him and begs for another chance. Upon returning from her business trip, Ashley insists that her father bring her straight to the club to see Malcolm. Seizing the moment, Malcolm takes the stage to recite a poem in which he proposes marriage. Though Ashley defies her father and agrees to marry Malcolm, she's upset after seeing Olivia give him a kiss. As a result, Malcolm must choose between two women who both say they are in love with him. Finally Eddie is stunned when he gets a look at Peeping Tonya.
- Prior to the wedding of their friend Nelson Carter, Malcolm and Eddie take responsibility for organizing a bachelor party. Upon learning that Eddie has asked a friend of Simone's to be his date at the wedding, Malcolm worries that her arrival will upset their bachelor party plans. However, Eddie assures him that he's arranged for everything to go off without a hitch. Meanwhile, Nicolette goes undercover as an elderly woman in order to nab a purse snatcher. As Tim anxiously awaits the arrival of the stripper they've hired for the bachelor party, Eddie's plans are upset when Antoinette arrives early. Once super-stripper Tiffany the Tigress finally does arrive, Eddie is persuaded to join Simone and Antoinette for dessert instead. And when challenged by Simone, Malcolm agrees to join them, too. Meanwhile, as Eddie works to keep his interest in Tiffany a secret from Antoinette, Malcolm is upset over being intimidated into missing the stripper's performance. Still, he can't keep from having romantic thoughts about Simone. Blaming their sudden change of heart on Nelson getting married, Malcolm and Eddie resolve to stand fast in the face of their women. Yet, after Eddie tries to impress her with his interest in opera, Simone sees through the ruse as Antoinette longs to have the old scheming Eddie back. And while Simone is certain he chose to miss out on the bachelor party because of her, Malcolm struggles to convince her -- and himself -- otherwise. Finally, after Tim shells out $600 for a chance to marry Tiffany for a half-hour, Nicolette's undercover assignment makes her a reluctant hero.
- It's only after Eddie moves back in that Malcolm discovers his former partner frivolously spent all the money he made from their sale of their old building. While Eddie has plenty of toys to occupy their time, he and Malcolm are $20,000 short of what they need to open their jazz club. At the office of T.R. Hawkins, the man who bought their building, Malcolm and Eddie learn he now wants much more for it than what he paid them. And while Eddie promises to provide the inspiration, he relies on Malcolm to come up with a plan to launch their new venture. At the oxygen bar that occupies the former McGee's, business isn't booming. Hoping to take advantage of the current tenant's woes, they offer to rent the building from Hawkins instead. However, when he wants much more than what the oxygen bar is paying, the boys are back to square one. At the bar, Malcolm and Eddie try to get its owner, Leonard Rickets, to admit his business is a failure and throw in the towel. However, without the bar, Leonard not only doesn't have a job, but he doesn't have a place to live either. So, when Malcolm and Eddie agree to sublet the bar and give Leonard a job, all for far less money than Hawkins wanted, they beat the owner at his own game and set out to open the Fifty-Fifty Club.
- On instructions from his boss, Mr. O, Spencer Campbell offers Malcolm and Eddie protection from anything untoward happening to the Fifty-Fifty Club. Realizing that it's a shakedown, the two partners beef up their own security after sending Spencer away. Bringing along another business owner who suffered losses from an unexplained fire after refusing a similar deal, Mr. O gives the boys a chance to reconsider. But, after turning down him down again, Malcolm and Eddie are forced to conduct their own round-the-clock surveillance of the club. In need of some sleep, Malcolm and Eddie let Leonard and Doug watch the club for one night. Yet, the following morning, they find that Mr. O's goons trashed the place after tying up Leonard and Doug. With their business a shambles, Malcolm and Eddie turn to the Kansas City Police Department for help. And even though everyone knows that Mr. O and his gang are responsible, the detectives assigned to the case can do nothing without proof. So, to see that justice is done, Eddie and Malcolm go undercover to catch Mr. O red-handed. At the barbershop that serves as Mr. O's headquarters, Malcolm and Eddie arrive disguised as a pair of police detectives. In an effort to get even, they try to shake him down for a piece of his racket. But after the mobster exposes their ruse, he sets out to make an example of the boys. However, before Mr. O can do any damage, the detective who has the operation under surveillance bursts in. And while Mr. O is certain that they have nothing on him, Malcolm proves otherwise with a confession he secretly recorded.
- After beating Eddie at basketball and winning a pair of valuable concert tickets, Malcolm is sure that his luck has taken a turn for the better. And he couldn't be more convinced of his good fortune than when Adrian Collins, a very beautiful, very wealthy and very single woman drops by the bar. Stretching the truth about himself, Malcolm quickly snags a date for the concert with Adrian. However, while Malcolm is on a roll, Eddie's luck has turned sour. Meanwhile, as Nicolette learns she's passed the first test on the road to becoming a police officer, Malcolm must deal with his headstrong new bartender, Jason. As things continue getting better with Adrian, Malcolm is under pressure to keep building himself up as a wealthy, Princeton-educated businessman. Yet, even after Eddie's antics force him to tell the truth, Malcolm is surprised to find Adrian impressed with his honesty and more anxious than ever to carry on their relationship. But his own run of bad luck prompts Eddie to get back at his best friend by telling Malcolm that he has slept with Adrian, too. Stunned by the news, Malcolm suddenly finds Adrian much less appealing. When it doesn't take long for Adrian to learn of Eddie's claim, she insists she would never do such a thing, especially with him. As a result, Malcolm jumps to his best friend's defense. And after vowing to never let another woman come between them again, Eddie luck changes for the better just as Malcolm's takes a turn for the worse.
- When Stephanie Clark brings her car for in repairs, Eddie decides to try and get a date. With encouragement from Malcolm, he heads down to her office at the Little Buddies Association. But, instead of coming away with a date, Eddie falls prey to Stephanie's charms and agrees to be a Big Buddy to ten-year-old Troy. Meanwhile, Bridget decides to use Kelly's as a location for her next TV show. Upon bringing him back to where he lives and works, Eddie prepares to show Troy a good time. And when Stephanie stops by to check on things, he convinces her to consider a date, even as Nicolette does her best to stop it. However, after a four-hour lunch with Stephanie causes Eddie and Malcolm to argue, Troy is convinced that he's not wanted around anymore. So he plots his revenge by agreeing to distribute some flyers to help Malcolm draw a big crowd for Bridget's show. While Eddie is planning on using the evening at Kelly's to woo Stephanie, Malcolm is surprised to discover that Troy passed out flyers advertising a square dance along with the televised prize fight he was planning. So, with Kelly's full of anxious fight fans, the square dancers arrive, too. And once Stephanie decides to take Troy home, Eddie and Malcolm are left to try and keep the dancers happy. Finally, after Eddie admits that he just isn't Big Buddy material, Stephanie decides it would be better to just be friends.
- When Malcolm's older brother drops in unexpectedly, Nicolette makes it clear that she's more than a little interested in him. As the competitiveness that has always existed between the McGee brothers bubbles to the surface, Nicolette is disappointed to learn Trey is married. And when she suggests they come to the bowling alley where she's about to start working, Malcolm asks Leonard to come along and keep the competition from ruining the evening. At the bowling alley, Leonard quickly sees that keeping Malcolm and Trey from fighting is a lot of work. Despite his efforts, the two brothers are soon arguing over everything from technique to keeping score. Meanwhile, Nicolette doesn't appreciate how her customers are treating her. And following a run in with the boss's wife, she quits. After a disagreement over the score, Malcolm starts to walk away until an insult hurled by Trey brings him running back. After breaking up their fight, Leonard insists that Trey apologize. Left to settle their differences alone, Malcolm reveals how disappointed he was that Trey left home following their parent's divorce. Confessing to have always regretted leaving like he did, Trey then admits how proud he is of Malcolm. And after Trey announces that he's about to become a father, he and Malcolm finally make amends.
- As Malcolm mourns the death of his beloved Uncle Buddy, Eddie races to find a substitute for Buddy's ashes, which were accidentally poured down a sink
- As Eddie mulls an offer to join a rival nightclub, he inspires aspiring author Nicolette (Karen Malina White) to pen a story set in the Roaring '20s.
- When Malcolm's old car finally gives out, Nicolette suggests buying a new one at an upcoming police auction. To make sure he gets a good deal, Eddie offers to go along. But when Malcolm sets his sights on a 1961 Corvette Stingray, Eddie is called on for more than mechanical expertise when his partner needs a loan to buy the classic car. As he's cleaning up on Malcolm's new car, Eddie unexpectedly finds $22,000 hidden inside. While Eddie feels entitled to keep the cash for himself, Malcolm warns that it could have criminal origins and calls Nicolette for advice. And though happy that the previous owner has been sent away for a long stay in prison, he and Eddie worry upon learning that the convicted criminal's brother is still on the loose. When the man he outbid for the car at the auction comes looking for him, Malcolm is sure that it's the owner's brother looking for the cash. Although Malcolm soon discovers that Anthony is just a classic car buff wanting to buy the car, Eddie assumes he's a killer and offers to make a deal to forget about the car -- especially since he's already spent the money he found. When the jailed owner's brother finally does arrive and Eddie realizes his mistake, he offers him all the merchandise he bought with the missing money. And when Gino is only interested in the cash, Eddie gets out of the jam with a call to an organized crime boss who owes him a favor.
- If his food, drink and music weren't bad enough, fellow bar owner and competitor Mike McGinley has resorted to dirty tricks in order to steal business away from Malcolm. Searching for an idea to turn things around, Eddie suggests turning McGee's into a casino. Only they must first divert the Missouri River, which is 40 blocks away, in order to put McGee's on the river front and qualify it for a gaming license. With help from Hector and their position downhill from the river, Eddie makes sure that the Missouri River just touches McGee's. And once Malcolm bribes their supplier, he has the gambling equipment needed to be approved for a license to open a casino. As a result, McGee's is once again a flourishing -- at McGinley's expense. However, when McGinley arrives with hidden cards and loaded dice, his ill-gotten winnings threaten to ruin Malcolm's business once again. With help from Eddie and his bartender Jason, Malcolm decides to out-cheat the greedy McGinley. But when the cheating spirals beyond his control, Malcolm loses the bar to his rival. Yet, when a gaming commission agent points out the bar's small river channel has run dry and he's in violation of the law, McGinley insists he doesn't really own the bar after all -- unaware that it was all a hoax designed by Jason to keep Malcolm from losing his business. Finally, when their river access really does evaporate, Malcolm finds himself the owner of just a plain old bar and grill once again.
- When his girlfriend Lydia asks him to dinner with her wealthy father at their exclusive country club, Malcolm is reluctant to go since Saturday is the busiest night of the week at the bar. However, after nervously agreeing to let Eddie run the bar for just one night, Malcolm prepares to pitch his latest business idea to Mr. Larson. Meanwhile, convinced that working opposite shifts is the recipe their success as roommates, Nicolette and Chloe join with Eddie to host a Jamaican Island Night at the bar. Following a difficult encounter with the country club's maitre, Malcolm fills Mr. Larson in on his plans to franchise the bar. However, the entertainment Chloe lined up turns out to be exotic dancers from the bar where she works nights. And when the sheriff sends someone to close them down, Eddie hurries to find Malcolm at the country club. Meanwhile, as Mr. Larson suggests they drop Lydia at home before heading to examine the bar, Eddie tries bribery to keep it open. While Malcolm is stunned to see what's going on at the bar, Mr. Larson decides it isn't the kind of place he can invest in. However, his moral high ground is undermined when Chloe recognizes him as one of her best customers. And when a newspaper reporter is about to take a picture that would ruin his standing in the community, Malcolm and Eddie intervene. Finally, after convincing Lydia that the dancers were Eddie's idea, Malcolm gets Mr. Larson to agree to relax Lydia's curfew in exchange for silence about his extracurricular activities.
- Malcolm and Eddie launch an ambitious campaign to compete with a hot new club.
- With plans to expand their business, Malcolm and Eddie go to see Troy Jensen, a contractor who's bid on the construction of a new Fifty-Fifty Club in Chicago. With his wife called into work at the hospital where she's a nurse, Troy is left to care for their three children -- seven-year-old Rome, ten-year-old Cairo and twelve-year-old Geneva. And while Troy's brothers warn against doing business with them, Malcolm and Eddie watch Rome get his head stuck in the staircase banister posts while pretending to be a superhero, as Geneva arrives home with a disastrous haircut courtesy of a friend. After ordering Cairo to walk their family dog, Bill goes to comfort the distraught Geneva. As Troy convinces his daughter to embrace her new look regardless of how hideous it may seem, Malcolm and Eddie help Rome extricate himself from the staircase. Meanwhile, after giving the dog away to some loving neighbors, Cairo has a change of heart when his dad suggests that the family might be better off if he were in military school. While happy with the work Troy has proposed, Malcolm and Eddie try to get him to cut the price. But Troy refuses to budge and even persuades them that he's worth the extra expense. Finally, after leaving the Jensen family in Chicago, Malcolm and Eddie return to Kansas City where they left their club in the hands of a loyal, though not always capable, staff.
- As Eddie is breaking in a new assistant, Malcolm worries about a wave of recent health department inspections. To make sure Kelly's passes, he cracks down on his staff and demands the utmost in cleanliness and courtesy. However, Malcolm's patience is tested when a difficult customer pretends to slip and fall. And after learning that Milton is suing them for $3 million, Malcolm and Eddie set out to prove he's a fake. Hoping to take over bar to settle his lawsuit, Milton arrives to inspect the premises. But after Malcolm unthinkingly threatens to kill him if he doesn't leave, Milton has a heart attack and dies in the kitchen, just as the health inspector arrives. Sending Nicolette to stall Mr. Bosco, Malcolm and Eddie remove the body to the garage. However, when Hector mistakes him for a drunk and returns him to the bar, they are forced to cover as Bosco carries on a conversation with Milton's corpse, unaware that he's dead. As he's being interviewed by the police, Malcolm learns that his threat has made him a suspect in Milton's death. And Eddie's attempt to get his partner off the hook by offering to hold a funeral only make things worse. So, once Bosco arrives at the memorial service, Malcolm and Eddie are forced to continue their ruse. But, even after the autopsy results finally get him off the hook with the police, Malcolm is still fined for having a corpse in the restaurant.
- The guys hire a decorator to redo their apartment after their furniture is stolen, unaware the woman has designs on their insurance money.
- While watching "The Jerry Stein Show" on television, Malcolm and Eddie learn of the all expense paid trip to the Super Bowl being offered to whoever can convince his audience that they are the world's biggest football fans. Certain that their devotion to the Kansas City Chiefs will guarantee a win, Eddie asks Malcolm to try out. And while Malcolm worries about being humiliated by Stein's tough audience, the value of the tickets persuades him to go along with the plan. Through a cousin who works on Stein's show, Leonard gets Malcolm and Eddie a chance to appear and vie for the Super Bowl tickets. But when his cousin sees them take the stage, he tells Leonard that they've shown up at the wrong time. As a result, instead of being interviewed as football fanatics, Malcolm and Eddie are mistakenly identified as devil worshippers. After they are introduced to the unruly and hostile audience, Malcolm and Eddie's lifelong obsession with the Chiefs is misconstrued as a fanatic devotion to Satan. In an effort to remedy the misunderstanding, they take on the show's other guests, much to the delight of Stein and the crowd. And because their brawl with the Satan worshippers was such a hit, Stein encourages them to stay for the show they originally came for.