Bad Movie Night: A List of Terrible Films Screened Since 2002
For those of you who enjoy mocking terrible cinema with friends, this is a list of films that I either own or have viewed at countless Bad Movie Nights since I began making a habit of it back in 2002. Please send me your comments and suggestions of other terrible films. My friends and I have Bad Movie Night every week, so this list will be continuously updated. "It's a bad time." (Motto for BMN)
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- DirectorJoseph ZitoStarsChuck NorrisM. Emmet WalshDavid TressColonel Braddock launches a mission deep into the jungles of Vietnam to find the POW camp that he escaped from and free the Americans still held captive there.Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris (aka Col. James Braddock) in a pre-incarnation of Walker Texas Ranger. He fights the evil Vietnamese army post-Vietnam War to free American POWs that are still being kept there (post-war, of course - did I mention that the Vietnamese are evil?) This film follows the three rules of a Chuck film pretty well. What are the three rules you ask? Check out my description of The Octagon for that information.
Memorable characters: The Chinese food restaurant maitre-d from Seinfeld plays an officer for the Vietnamese that is keeping Braddock down. Of course Chuck gives him his comeuppance. No one messes with Chuck and gets away with it. - DirectorLance HoolStarsChuck NorrisSoon-Tek OhSteven WilliamsPrequel to the first Missing In Action, set in the early 1980s it shows the capture of Colonel Braddock during the Vietnam war in the 1970s, and his captivity with other American POWs in a brutal prison camp, and his plans to escape.The second (actually first) film in the Missing in Action trilogy. Chuck reprises his role as Braddock, but this time he is back in Vietnam but as a POW (even though technically the war has ended). Follow Braddock and his men as they devise a master escape plan that includes lots of explosions, most of them dying, and round-house kicks to the face.
- DirectorAaron NorrisStarsChuck NorrisAki AleongRoland Harrah IIIBraddock mounts a one-man assault to free his wife and son who are still being held in a Vietnam prison camp.The final installment of the Missing in Action trilogy, Braddock is summoned back to Vietnam because he is told his wife and son are still alive. I must note that the timing of all of these movies is very confusing because supposedly all of them take place post-war, but they're never really clear on dates, which makes it seem like some of these stories would have overlapped, but that's too much thought for a Chuck Norris film. Braddock finds his wife and son and will single-handedly destroy a Vietnamese army base whilst saving a large group of orphans.
"Says you, Braddock!" - DirectorEric KarsonStarsChuck NorrisKaren CarlsonLee Van CleefA martial artist must defeat a plan by ninjas to create a worldwide training camp for terrorists.This movie established the three rules of a Chuck Norris film that would be followed, somewhat closely, for many Chuck films hereafter. The first rule: women cannot resist Chuck Norris. There are at least 4 women in this film that will lustily pursue our hero, some of which will die in the process. But who could blame them, especially because of rule number 2.
Rule 2: Chuck will be shirtless at least once during the film (battle-torn shirts count).
And rule number 3: Chuck Norris is very slow to anger, but will eventually mete out his wrath on the wicked. This of course means that Chuck will not do anything for the first half, to 2/3rds of the film, but eventually will destroy all of those who wronged him within 20-30 mins. This movie can really be summed up as Chuck's brother has a ninja training camp and his ninjas keep killing people somewhere in the world. Many people ask Chuck to go and stop his brother. Chuck hesitates for 45 mins. Chuck finally decides to go over there, enters the Octagon, kills everybody but his brother, and then has a final showdown with Sakura (sakura, sakura -whispered echo), and then the film abruptly ends. - DirectorChris ArthKevin SummerfieldStarsMeagan Adele LopezRuben BrownAntonio Benedict5 teenagers are forced to clean up the woods of Sleepy Hollow, but one by one they are decapitated by a man with a jack-o-lantern mask and a sword, but who could it be?The first movie by Kevin Summerfield (and also the only one he will star in) that follows a Breakfast Club-esque crew of at-risk youth as they spend one day cleaning up the woods as punishment for being bad or something. Of course all of them end up being hunted by the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow legend. After suffering for an hour and a half of bad acting, bad editing, bad everything, you are treated to [SPOILER ALERT] another "it was all just a dream" let down. Though it is his first feature film, this movie is not Summerfield's worst.
Make sure you watch the Documentary in the special features to introduce yourself to the one-and-only Chris Arth! - DirectorKevin SummerfieldStarsAnselChris ArthTerrence J. ArthGreedy land developers threaten to shut down the financially strapped animal shelter unless the owners can find a way to save it and its animals who have the ability to communicate among themselves.The second, and by far the most painful of any, Kevin Summerfield movie. All of the animals talk (poorly overdubbed) all of the time and each animal's voice is a terrible imitation of an early 2000s pop icon. If you can endure all of that, you'll be treated to a random dancing moose at the end of the film and Chris Arth grinding on the Hot Dog king. This movie may provoke you or other viewers to physical violence. I suggest that you announce a disclaimer before viewing that everyone in the room is free to leave at any time to prevent any of your viewers from having you arrested for torture.
- DirectorKevin SummerfieldStarsTimothy StultzErika AnnKen MitzkovitzA shy, bullied boy receives an ancient tome with the power to transport him to an enchanted forest, where the woodland inhabitants rely on him as their only hope for fending off an evil king and invaders.The third and most iconic of the Kevin Summerfield films. Follow Max as he discovers a secret doorway that has been superimposed over a tree in a forest in Maryland. Traveling through the doorway, he comes across a group of badly-costumed LARPers at the Maryland Renaissance Festival who hail him as their new hero. This movie can be turned into a wonderful drinking game once the evil Lord Dagda is introduced. Take a shot/drink every time Dagda yells his famous catch-phrase "Daahh". Make sure you call a taxi cab for you and your guests for all of you will be inebriated by the end of the film. And make sure you don't have any liquid in your mouth when they reveal Krimble's true form.
Favorite Quote: Mr. Tim Tim, "Believe in yourself Matt-x." - DirectorKevin SummerfieldStarsEvan BarronRonnie CaldwellZach CarsonFour teens set out to capture four stallions that escaped from a wealthy farm in order to claim the reward.The fourth of the Kevin Summerfield films. Join a group of misfit children as they set out to find some horses that have gone missing. These children are supposed to be friends but are terrible to each other and let their poor dog take all of the beating as they run from a rifle-wielding redneck in hot pants who is also in pursuit of the horses. You really feel bad for that poor dog most of the movie.
- DirectorKevin SummerfieldStarsKen MitzkovitzFreddie SabaughNed NarangThe teenaged descendant of Professor Van Helsing must fight an ancient demon named Simon Magus for control of a powerful sceptor.The last of the Kevin Summerfield films. This one is a classic. Stupid plot, bad acting, altered Sony discman for a magic compass, typo in the subtitles, lip-snyc performances to Asian Creed, the list goes on and on. This is definitely a must-watch/own for any bad movie connoisseur.
- DirectorPhilip RidleyStarsBrendan FraserAshley JuddViggo MortensenA young man who has spent his life as a member of an ultraconservative Christian cult loses his parents and becomes disoriented, wandering into a forest and meeting a coffin transporter, a caring woman, her mute boyfriend, and his mother.The film that started my bad movie "passion." This pseudo-art film will certainly give you new opinions about once-decent actors Ashley Judd, Viggo Mortensen and Brendan Fraser (although Fraser had already made a bunch of bad movies at this point). You'll watch day by day as Darkly finally reaches his limit, equips himself with an explosion stick and barb-wire shirt, and burns the house to the ground. If you don't feel like you have endured a tragedy by watching this awful film, then you deserve a giant floating shoe to send your dog to heaven with.
- DirectorRoger ChristianStarsJohn TravoltaForest WhitakerBarry PepperIt's the year 3000 A.D., and the Earth is lost to the alien race of Psychlos. Humanity is enslaved by these gold-thirsty tyrants, who are unaware that their 'man-animals' are about to ignite the rebellion of a lifetime.Blow the dome!
- DirectorMartin BrestStarsBen AffleckJennifer LopezJustin BarthaLarry Gigli is assigned by a crime boss to kidnap the brother of a prominent district attorney. A beautiful woman known only as Ricki is sent to stay with him to make sure he doesn't mess up the job.The best part of this film is when Christopher Walken and Ben Affleck have their scene. You can tell that Walken's lines were improvised and that his whole intention is to make Affleck laugh. Kudos to Affleck for not actually laughing, because I was on the floor by the time Marie Calendar's is discussed.
- DirectorJames NguyenStarsAlan BaghWhitney MooreTippi HedrenA horde of mutated birds descends upon the quiet town of Half Moon Bay, California. As the death toll rises, two citizens manage to fight back, but will they survive Birdemic?This movie was viewed for obvious reasons, but I gotta go. I hear a mountain lion.
- DirectorEric ParkinsonMatt ReevesOley SassoneStarsVivian SchillingMartin KoveBrion JamesHorror anthology about a psychiatrist who uses virtual reality to probe the minds of three unsuspecting patients, a paranoid woman home alone, a meek man with a roommate from hell (Paxton) and a man obsessed with his own death.Bill Paxton plays Bill Paxton. You hate him just as much in this film as you would any other of his films (or in real life for that matter). It's a horrible thing when a movie is so bad that you begin cheering for the demise of the characters that are enduring hardships like wild dogs, a bad roommate and earthquakes, but you just want them all to go away and burn forever.
Make sure you watch the deleted scene!
"Baby, I'm gonna rock your world." - DirectorSteven LisbergerStarsBob PeckMark HamillKitty AldridgeIn the near future, where Earth has been devastated by man's pollution and giant winds rule the planet, bounty hunter Matt kidnaps a murderer out of the hands of two police officers, planning to get the bounty himself.Bill Paxton plays Bill Paxton yet again. Mark Hamill has a beard, and this film is an hour and a half of ultra-lights flying around Ireland or something similar to it. I had to watch this movie 5 times to understand the plot, and it still made my brain hurt. How they were able to get Elmer Bernstein to do the score for this film still puzzles me.
Note: this is the first of 3 obtainable films to share this title. The other 2 films were nothing like this one and are also in this list. - DirectorDavid van EyssenStarsSean AstinVinnie JonesIvana MilicevicA scientist goes to a bank to meet a pretty bank teller. His time machine allows him to go 10 minutes back in time and correct his approaches to her. He's shadowed by two FBI agents and the bank gets robbed.You will wish for Sean Astin to die, stay dead, and die again while watching this terrible time travel film. I appreciated that they take time to explain away an obvious plot hole, but then include an obvious plot hole within 10 minutes of the explanation scene.
- DirectorAnthony HopkinsStarsAnthony HopkinsStella HopkinsChristian SlaterAging screenwriter Felix Bonhoeffer has lived his life in two states of existence: in reality and his own interior world. While working on a murder mystery script, and unaware that his brain is on the verge of implosion, Felix is baffled when his characters start to appear in his life, and vice versa.I assume this is what happens when elderly actors consume copious amounts of peyote or hash and then ramble into a tape recorder and then allow members of the memory ward at the local nursing home to transcribe the tape and write the screenplay. I'd have to admit that this art-film was the worst of all of the Slipstream films for its overuse of special effects, editing techniques and story-within-a-story-within-a-story type script.
- DirectorHarold P. WarrenStarsTom NeymanJohn ReynoldsDiane AdelsonA family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.My personal favorite bad film of all time! Make sure you get the MST3K special edition DVD that contains the documentary Hotel Torgo! The history to the making of this film is so rich.
It's also fun to walk into random places and shout "The damn car won't start" and just keep saying it over and over again. - DirectorEdward D. Wood Jr.StarsGregory WalcottTom KeeneMona McKinnonEvil aliens attack Earth and set their terrible "Plan 9" into action. As the aliens resurrect the dead of the Earth, the lives of the living are in danger.Of course Ed Wood films would be in my collection. I developed a deep affection for Ed Wood after watching the Tim Burton film of the same name.
- DirectorEdward D. Wood Jr.StarsEdward D. Wood Jr.Bela LugosiLyle TalbotA psychiatrist tells the stories of a transvestite (Glen or Glenda) and a pseudohermaphrodite (Alan or Anne).You gotta love 1950s misogyny.
- DirectorEdward D. Wood Jr.StarsBela LugosiTor JohnsonTony McCoyA mad doctor attempts to create atomic supermen.Has the famous scene where Bela Lugosi wrestles with a stolen giant octopus prop.
- DirectorBill RebaneHerschell Gordon LewisStarsPhilip MortonJune TravisGeorge PerryA space capsule crash-lands on Earth, and the astronaut aboard disappears. Is there a connection between the missing man and the monster roaming the area?To quote Nelson Muntz, "I can think of two things wrong with that title." Although there was that one scene with the teens doing their crazy young people dancing. I suppose that could count for "a-Go Go."
- DirectorBrett PiperStarsPaul GuzziLinda CorwinAlex PirnieIn a post-Armageddon world, a young woman finds herself in a fight for survival against mutant cavemen, dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals.Troma. You should know what you are going to get just from the Production Company. Nice touch with the titular line at the beginning though.
- DirectorPeter GeorgeStarsGail NeelyRobert HardenBarry BrennerWhen the son of a gun-wielding woman is murdered by neo-Nazi surf punks in the post-apocalyptic future, his Mama hunts them down for some bloodthirsty revenge.There is nothing good or redeeming about this movie. Watching it is simply a test of endurance/madness.
- DirectorChris SeaverStarsMeredith HostKurt IndovinaJesse GreenRiding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation TWILIGHT, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-coifed bloodsucker named Edgar.I was only able to watch the first 15 minutes of this spoof. My friend Brad came over and he watched it at the 10 minute mark and then threatened to hurt me if I didn't turn it off. I could tell he wasn't kidding so I turned it off.
- DirectorPaul WeilandStarsBill CosbyTom CourtenayJoe Don BakerSecret Agent Leonard Parker (Bill Cosby) is called out of retirement to save the world from evil genius Medusa Johnson (Gloria Foster).You know it's bad if Bill Cosby goes on a promotional tour to tell people not to see this film.
- DirectorStewart RaffillStarsChristine EbersoleJonathan WardTina CasparyAn alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.To this day I walk into McDonald's and start dancing whilst whistling through my hands. I also realized that crippled kids can take the blame for breaking things that they could not physically be able to reach.
- DirectorAndrew V. McLaglenStarsJoe Don BakerMartin BalsamJohn SaxonA tough, slobby, honest cop tries to simultaneously take down heroin dealers and a corrupt businessman who murdered a burglar, even if it costs him his life.Oh man. I still have the theme song stuck in my head.
- DirectorClaudio FragassoStarsMichael Paul StephensonGeorge HardyMargo PreyA vacationing family discovers that the entire town they're visiting is inhabited by goblins, disguised as humans, who plan to eat them.This movie will piss on your hospitality. Every bit as bad as they claim it to be.
- DirectorJohn Carl BuechlerStarsMichael MoriartyShelley HackNoah HathawayA wicked troll king in search of a mystical ring that will transform him to human form invades a San Francisco apartment complex where a powerful witch lives.We have heard of this, rubba rubba rubba rub. The Neverending story kid needs a shirt.
- DirectorWych KaosayanandaStarsAntonio BanderasLucy LiuTalisa SotoTasked with destroying each other, an FBI agent and a rogue DIA agent soon discover that a much bigger enemy is at work.Bad, bad, bad.
- DirectorBob ClarkStarsJon VoightScott BaioVanessa AngelA group of smart-talking toddlers find themselves at the center of a media mogul's experiment to crack the code to baby talk. The toddlers must race against time for the sake of babies everywhere.Look for the obvious stunt double during the driving and fight scenes (it's a little person in a wig!) You will also see Goku from Dragonball Evolution in this film. Jon Voigt had a very bad year in 2004 apparently.
- DirectorPaul WynneStarsJuvenilePhoenix HawkinsAllison NurseTraci, Felicia and Cinnamon have been framed and lawyer Larry Abrahams agrees to represent them if they investigate and avenge the murder of his friend Nitro. The girls go undercover at Nitro Records and use their martial arts skills.My only regret is that my DVD was bad and so I didn't get to see the last 10 mins of this film. I called Larry Abrahams to see if I could sue, but no one answered the phone. I did get to see the same scene (obvious editing error) occur once at night and immediately after during the day. That was nice.
- DirectorJules BassArthur Rankin Jr.StarsRed SkeltonFrank GorshinMorey AmsterdamRudolph must find Happy, the baby New Year, before midnight on New Year's Eve.I was able to watch this film with only a bong to spare.
- 1988–19991h 33mTV-PG7.7 (567)TV EpisodeDirectorJim MallonStarsTrace BeaulieuJoel HodgsonJim MallonJoel and the Bots have another outing with Hercules in Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964). This time Hercules faces off with a cult of moon men who unleash a sandstorm on the world. The Mads explain deep hurting while Joel and the Bots sing a song about pants.Make sure you watch this version. Even these guys had trouble with the deep hurting.
- DirectorMichael RaeStarsKim MilfordCheryl SmithGianni RussoA teenager stumbles upon an alien weapon, which transforms him into a grotesque killer.Take that Star Wars!
- DirectorMatthew RobbinsStarsMark HamillAnnie PottsEugene RocheA high school grad and a hooker-in-training try to track down his stolen Corvette.Let Annie Potts be your hooker with a heart of gold :)
- DirectorTommy WiseauStarsTommy WiseauJuliette DanielleGreg SesteroIn San Francisco, an amiable banker's seemingly perfect life is turned upside down when his deceitful fiancée embarks on an affair with his best friend.There are no words that can do this movie justice. Oh hi Mark!
- DirectorCedric SundstromStarsMichael DudikoffDavid BradleyJames BoothThe two American Ninjas, Joe Armstrong and Sean Davidson, team up to do battle against a terrorist and his band of Ninjas.What about the other 4 AN movies? Who cares. This movie has 2 American Ninjas!
- DirectorDarren Lynn BousmanStarsPaul SorvinoAnthony HeadAlexa PenaVegaA worldwide epidemic encourages a biotech company to launch an organ-financing program similar in nature to a standard car loan. The repossession clause is a killer, however.The only redeeming thing about this movie was the fact that the Prime Minister from Little Britain is in it. I kept hoping Sebastian would pop out from time to time, but alas. Although the plot for this film is the same as Repo Men, I don't think the producers had any money left to sue. Paris Hilton's best performance though (which isn't saying much).
- DirectorKenn ScottStarsIlram ChoiStirling EverlyAngel FrostJohnny discovers half of a magic spear - it's part of his dad's guitar. When the other half lands in the hands of an evil spirit bent on world domination, the stage is set for bone-crunching martial arts action!,Something about a gas station, Elvis guy, ninjas, I don't really remember.
- DirectorJames WongStarsJustin ChatwinJames MarstersChow Yun-FatThe young warrior Son Goku sets out on a quest, racing against time and the vengeful King Piccolo, to collect a set of seven magical orbs that will grant their wielder unlimited power.I think what hurt worse than this film was when I realized I had spent about 10 minutes recapping to my friend how much of the film was not cannon to the DB story. I then wept.
- DirectorMark GoldblattStarsTreat WilliamsJoe PiscopoLindsay FrostA cop is killed investigating a strange case of resurrected corpses. His partner and a pathologist resurrect him, but he only has a limited time before he starts to decompose, and he uses it to chase down the diabolical man who killed him.Joe Piscopo and TREAT Williams are dead.
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsMax GailAdam BaldwinMr. TThe misadventures of a group of unfortunate but streetwise cabbies working for a Washington, D.C., decrepit taxicab company.Mr. T's best film ever.
- 19641h 22mNot Rated2.3 (5.3K)DirectorRay Dennis StecklerStarsRay Dennis StecklerBrett O'HaraAtlas KingJerry falls in love with a stripper he meets at a carnival. Little does he know that she is the sister of a gypsy fortune teller whose predictions he had scoffed at earlier. The gypsy turns him into a zombie and he goes on a killing spree.Carnies.
- DirectorNeil LaButeStarsNicolas CageEllen BurstynLeelee SobieskiA sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.Thank you Nicolas Cage for punching out hippie women whilst wearing a bear suit.
- DirectorGary GoddardStarsDolph LundgrenFrank LangellaMeg FosterThe heroic warrior He-Man battles against the evil lord Skeletor and his armies of darkness for control of Castle Grayskull.Don't mess with the Dolph. Frank Langella was much more believable as Skeletor than as Richard Nixon IMHO.
- DirectorDamian LeeStarsJesse VenturaSven-Ole ThorsenDamian LeeAn alien "policeman" arrives on Earth to apprehend a renegade of his own race who impregnates a woman with a potentially destructive mutant embryo.Mr. Ventura, please put your shirt back on and step away from the child.
- DirectorArch Hall Sr.StarsArch Hall Jr.Marilyn ManningRichard KielTeenagers stumble across a prehistoric caveman, who goes on a rampage.This film would have been much better if Arch Hall Jr. got clubbed to death by Eegah. *Sigh*
- DirectorJames LandisStarsArch Hall Jr.Helen HoveyRichard AldenThree people driving into Los Angeles for a Dodgers game have car trouble and pull off into an old wrecking yard where they are held at bay by a bloodthirsty psycho and his crazy girlfriend.Wow. I called it that the entire movie would take place in that junk yard. It didn't make me feel good though. Supposedly Arch Hall Jr. felt that this was his best performance. To his credit, many actors after him have won oscars for playing mentally retarded characters. Oh wait. This character wasn't mentally retarded? Oh...
- DirectorWillard HuyckStarsLea ThompsonJeffrey JonesTim RobbinsA sarcastic humanoid duck is pulled from his homeworld to Earth where he must stop an alien invasion with the help of a nerdy scientist and a struggling female rock singer.The movie that made Pixar what it is today.
"That duck has nipples! Why does that duck have nipples?!?!" - said during the viewing by one of my friends. - DirectorNicholas WebsterStarsJohn CallLeonard HicksVincent BeckThe Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.That Voldar is a dick.
- DirectorRené CardonaStarsJosé Elías MorenoCesáreo Quezadas 'Pulgarcito'José Luis Aguirre 'Trotsky'With Merlin's aid, Santa Claus must defeat the evil machinations of the devil Pitch to ruin Christmas.Mexican Santa vs. the Devil.
- DirectorDavid R. EllisStarsSamuel L. JacksonJulianna MarguliesNathan PhillipsAn FBI agent takes on a plane full of deadly venomous snakes, deliberately released to kill a witness being flown from Honolulu to Los Angeles to testify against a mob boss.Monkey-fightin' good time watching this Monday through Friday film.
- DirectorDeclan O'BrienStarsEric RobertsKerem BürsinSara Malakul LaneA half-shark and half-octopus creature created for the military creates a whole lot of terror in Mexico, while the scientist who helped to create it tries to either capture or kill it.Still waiting for a ManBearPig movie to happen.
- DirectorDavid BradleyStarsWalter StockerAudrey CaireCarlos RivasNazi madmen preserve Hitler's brain on a small tropical island until the time is right to resurrect him and, along with him, the Third Reich.Pure genius. Two films in one!
- DirectorChris StokesStarsOmarionJarell HoustonRaz BIn order to achieve their dream of opening a recording studio, two friends (Omarion, Houston) must first win their city's dance contest -- a fierce competition that pits them against a group of tough street dancers.Man, you suckas just got served.
- DirectorFred Olen RayStarsTreat WilliamsMary Page KellerHannes JaenickeMutant snakes survived a terrorist attack on a government laboratory, and they now threaten the town of Santa Mira Springs, California. Seismic activity has brought snakes to the surface, where residents are being bitten. Victims can transmit the virus to healthy persons. The military puts the town under quarantine. Local physicians try to control the epidemic, while the military is primarily concerned with keeping the virus a secret.TREAT!
- DirectorAlvaro PasseriStarsTony DomeniciCarlo BonSharon MarinoWhen five teenagers embark on a boating trip, they stumble on an abandoned yacht in the midst of a storm. Unbeknownst to them, there are also ferocious mutated prehistoric fish running amok on the yacht.AKA Creatures from the Abyss. This movie is disturbing.
- DirectorAaron NorrisStarsChuck NorrisTerry KiserMax GailA shape-shifting mountain man and a group of children team up to protect an enchanted forest from evil lumberjacks.Probably the only Chuck Norris movie that doesn't follow any of the 3 rules. And probably the only Chuck Norris movie where Chuck turns into a bear.
- DirectorDavid KelloggStarsVanilla IceKristin MinterNaomi CampbellA rapper gets stuck in a small town and falls for a local girl whose family is in witness protection.This movie is still the reason why my friend only knocks once.
"Lose the zero and get with a hero." - DirectorUlli LommelStarsGunter ZieglerBrandon DeanAxel MontgomeryA psychotic police officer who murders his female arrestees gets what's coming to him when a horde of zombified women rise from their graves to seek revenge.Putrid. The camera switches to a home video camera for certain scenes which were really just stupid. Deservedly in the bottom 100.
- DirectorAlbert PyunStarsKathy IrelandWilliam R. MosesRichard HainesA nerdy young woman with a childish voice travels to Africa looking for her missing archaeologist father, and stumbles into a strange subterranean civilization.This movie would have been box office gold if Kathy Ireland was in a bikini the whole time and never said one word. However, the movie is the exact opposite of what I just posited, so therefore it bombed and the whole time I prayed that someone would just shut her up.
- DirectorRakesh RoshanStarsHrithik RoshanPriyanka Chopra JonasRekhaKrishna is forced by circumstances to use his superpowers and become the masked superhero Krrish, before getting drawn towards his lost legacy.This movie made me very happy.
- DirectorHenry SelickStarsBrendan FraserBridget FondaJohn TurturroIn a coma, a cartoonist finds himself trapped within his own underground creation and must find a way to get back, while racing against his popular but treacherous character, Monkeybone.Please make Brendan Fraser go away. I didn't like either version of him.
- DirectorByron QuisenberryStarsMike MoroffAnne LockhartBrent DavisHank O'Hara is a former stuntman turned dog and horse trainer. In the opening we see one of his dogs acting in a movie. Hank's widowed daughter and her daughter return to Hank's place, and the 11 year old granddaughter turns out to be a talented dog trainer. We follow Hank and his family, human as well as equine and canine, as the animals act in several movies and a commercial, and we meet many interesting personalities on the way. "Big Chuck" is the older, experienced dog, and "Little Chuck", also called "Junior", is the younger dog, just learning his job.Also known as "Big Chuck, Little Chuck" this film falls in the badness category of "Nothing happens". Literally nothing happens for the entire film. Many of my friends that watched this movie never came back to bad movie night.
- DirectorJack GoldStarsTrevor HowardRaf ValloneMartin SheenSet in Ireland where the Catholic Church has been superseded by a repressive order with new ideas. When a group of Irish monks rebel, a Vatican official is sent to bring order once more.Also known as "The Catholics" this is another "nothing happens" film.
- DirectorQuentin DupieuxStarsStephen SpinellaRoxane MesquidaWings HauserA homicidal car tire, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession.Painful.
- DirectorAlexander CassiniStarsMatt KorubaStacie RandallBiff ManardSimon is a brainy but bashful 13-year-old who could use a best friend. But when he finally finds one, it turns out to be a 4000-year-old genie whose wish-granting skills need a serious tune-up! Before you can say "Hocus pocus", Simon and his magic-challenged buddy unleash an outrageous onslaught of wildly off-target wishes - attracting the attentions of a government scientist with an evil plan. Now Simon is about to learn that when the chips are down, friendship is the most powerful magic of all!The only thing more annoying than the genie was the kid's dream sequences.
- DirectorDavid SteimanStarsBill GoldbergDouglas SmithEmilie de RavinSanta Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness. But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways.There's nothing like watching Bill Goldberg kill Chris Kattan and Fran Drescher in the same sitting.
- DirectorAlan GibsonStarsChristopher LeePeter CushingMichael ColesIn 1974, Professor Lorrimer Van Helsing investigates a satanic cult on behalf of Scotland Yard, only to discover a plot by Count Dracula to commit global genocide.Christopher Lee has top billing in this film, and he isn't even in the movie until close to the 40 minute mark.
- DirectorTony GiglioStarsJames MarshallOlivia d'AboJeremy FoleyA heart-warming comedy about the friendship between the new kid in town and a soccer-playing dog on the lam from the dog-catcher. It's up to these two underdogs to win the PeeWee Soccer League championship game.More enjoyable at 1.5 speed.
- DirectorKelly SandefurStarsCarlos AlazraquiElliot PageVince CorazzaYoung Halloween buff accidentally downloads recently deceased stand-up comic, who ends up helping her foil two bumbling crooks, as well as finishing her haunted house.Ellen Page's breakout performance.
- DirectorDavid ListerStarsMaxwell CaulfieldCharlotte SavageDale CuttsA fairy takes on human form and enters the life of a widowed children's book author and his daughter.This is a kid's film and it shows partial rear nudity. I guess things are different in Europe/South Africa/wherever these people are from.
- DirectorJerry WarrenStarsDon SullivanKatherine VictorSteve ConteA crazed female scientist uses nerve gas to turn local teenagers into her unquestioning slaves."I'll never tell!"
- DirectorTed KotcheffStarsCharles BronsonAngela FeatherstoneSebastian SpenceA police detective's oversexed daughter is charged with murder when someone kills the wealthy married man she slept with.Filmed in Bronson, MO. Charles is close to kicking the bucket in this film, but is still more macho than Daniel Baldwin.
- DirectorJoe BerlingerBruce SinofskyStarsJames HetfieldKirk HammettLars UlrichThe iconic metal band struggles for two years to create their album St. Anger, dealing with alcoholism, the loss of their bass player, and the challenge of working with a psychotherapist.The actual documentary portion is good. The real life people that comprise the band are laughable. Check out the Doc's Cosby sweater towards the end of the film.
- DirectorCharles BandStarsTim ThomersonHelen HuntMichael StefaniA gruff bounty hunter travels back in time to 1980s Los Angeles to stop a twisted criminal who can transform people into zombie-like creatures."Dry hair is for squids!"
- DirectorSidney PoitierStarsBill CosbyKimberly RussellDenise NicholasA widowed father tries to support his children after he becomes a ghost in an accident.Bill Cosby is Satan (well at least he tells his cab driver he is).
- DirectorGlen MorganStarsCrispin GloverR. Lee ErmeyLaura HarringA young man with an unusual connection to rats uses them at his own sociopathic will.Make sure you watch the "Ben" music video in the special features. It is priceless.
- DirectorJohn BoormanStarsSean ConneryCharlotte RamplingSara KestelmanIn the late 23rd century, a savage trained only to kill finds a way into the community of bored immortals that alone preserves humanity's achievements.I don't even know where to begin in describing this movie. Sean Connery teaches immortal people how to have sex and kill each other is about all I got from this movie.
- DirectorChristian DuguayStarsRufus SewellDevon SawaBridgette Wilson-SamprasWhile filming an advertisement, some extreme sports enthusiasts unwittingly stop a group of terrorists.All I remember from this movie is that a group of X-games drop outs are being pursued by Russian terrorists for some reason.
- DirectorRichard ClabaughStarsFrayne RosanoffRobert EnglundCasper Van DienAfter a military plane crash near a small American town, a giant man-eating snake sets off on a killing spree. The locals must find a way to eliminate the snake, with the help of a scientist who knows about the snake to kill it.A giant scientifically-altered python wreaks havoc on a small town after it escapes from a crashed plane.
- DirectorLee Alan McConnellStarsWilliam ZabkaDana AshbrookAlex JoligA man, his business partner, and his wife are enlisted to transport an unknown object from a Russian military base, only to discover that the object is a giant, genetically-altered python.A giant scientifically-altered python wreaks havoc on a small town after it escapes from a crashed plane. Except this time the small town is in Russia.
- DirectorLeslie H. MartinsonStarsAdam WestBurt WardLee MeriwetherThe Dynamic Duo faces four supervillains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people."Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb."
- DirectorChristian McIntireStarsLance HenriksenRobin GivensWilliam ZabkaAfter a terrorist with an implanted nuclear detonator gets shot, a team of scientists must defuse the bomb by miniaturizing themselves and going into his bloodstream. His organism's antibodies start to mass against them.I think I fell asleep during this one. I don't remember it.
- DirectorDavid HillenbrandScott HillenbrandStarsNicholas BrendonJaime PresslyEugene ByrdA group of teens trapped on an island, and are haunted by a demon hidden inside a pinata.AKA Pinata Survival Island. A group of "teens" are stranded on an island and they somehow conjure up a demonic tiki man that kills them all.
- DirectorChristian McIntireStarsJudd NelsonJanet GunnJeff KoberTwenty-five years after it vanished into the Bermuda Triangle, the SS Corona Queen mysteriously reappears. Seven people go aboard to learn the truth behind the vessel's disappearance, but they soon learn the ship did not return alone.Judd Nelson gets lost at sea in the Bermuda triangle with ghosts.
- DirectorSam RaimiStarsBruce CampbellEmbeth DavidtzMarcus GilbertWhen Ash Williams is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., he must retrieve the Necronomicon and battle an army of the dead in order to return home.Wonderful! I love this and all of the Evil Dead films, although this one is my favorite.
- DirectorKaren ArbeenyStarsT.J. LowtherLaura JohnsonTimothy BottomsDanny goes for a stroll one day when he unwittingly falls into a deep hole. Unable to get out, the boy begins to search around and finds himself face-to-face with the Greek god Atlas, the man with the world on his shoulders.Yikes. That man is too close to that young boy.
- DirectorAlan RobertsStarsRonald L. MarchiniCarrie ChambersMichael E. BristowJohn Travis is the last honest cop in a future dominated by terroristic martial-arts gangs who fight gladiator-style in arenas.In the future when guns are still killing people, the only thing that can stop the epidemic is one "special police" officer with a green belt in karate.
Check out Lincoln, who somewhat resembles Guy Fieri, and bathe in the gloriousness that is Snaker. - DirectorBob ClarkStarsJon VoightSimon RexJaime PresslyWhen LAPD computer expert Peter Fowler investigates the killing of an old man in Chinatown, he finds the only witness is his dog, Cho Cho. But Fowler soon discovers Cho Cho is the only dog in the world who can speak to humans... not only that, Cho Cho is an expert in martial arts. When they join forces to track down the mastermind behind the death of Cho Cho's master, it leads these unusual partners into uncovering a dangerous conspiracy which puts both of their lives in danger.Jon Voigt was better in this than in Superbabies, although that's not much of a compliment.
- DirectorDavid HeavenerStarsDavid HeavenerErik EstradaShannon TweedIn the Los Angeles of the future, police are forbidden to carry weapons and must use stun guns (called "stingers") instead. A maverick detective ignores those restrictions in his pursuit of "The Bullseye Murderer," a psychotic rapist who takes a new drug called "Umbra" that gives him superhuman strength and intelligence.
- DirectorWilliam BeaudineStarsBela LugosiDuke MitchellSammy PetrilloTwo goofy entertainers meet a mad scientist on a jungle island.Apparently Sammy got sued by Jerry Lewis for copying him exactly and Lewis won the lawsuit. Dean Martin would have sued Mitchell as well, but he was too drunk/stoned to remember anything. It helps if you are drunk/stoned while watching this dreck.
- DirectorSollace MitchellStarsJon Bon JoviBai LingWilliam ForsytheJamey Meadows is a convict just released from prison, hoping to live a straight life on the outside. His brother tries to reenlist him into the crime world, but Jamey resists, getting a job as a census taker. Through this job he meets Chun Hua, a Chinese immigrant. Despite all of their problems, the two seem to fall in love, but their worlds insist on keeping them apart...Bon Jovi plays a census taker who falls in love with an Asian lady and then ends up getting killed for some reason. Oops. I should have said spoiler alert...wait a second, no one is going to watch this stupid movie. Never mind.
- DirectorCraig ClydeStarsCharles BlackSarah BlackmanPreston Wigasi BrantAn alcoholic former horse-trainer perceives in a fifteen-year-old boy a unique gift of horsemanship and makes it possible for the boy to conceive his dream and pursue it.Kevin Summerfield produced this movie, which is why it is still terrible, but at least it has Zach Efron in it; although his character is a total wuss. The grizzled old drunkard with an affinity for troubled youth is great though. Something for every person to aspire to.
- DirectorRick JacobsonStarsJulia VothErin CummingsAmerica OlivoThree bad girls travel to a remote desert hideaway to steal $200 million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin.Terrible. This movie was pseudo-soft-core porn but with worse acting and more green screen explosions. Oh and it also has Kevin Sorbo.
- DirectorCaleb AllenStarsAlison AllenCaleb AllenCarl AllenThe Grim Reaper, who runs a bookie shop in the afterlife, resurrects three recently deceased zombies to help him recover his own debt losses and gain revenge on those who killed them.This is one of the worst things I have ever subjected myself to. It rivals Taintlight and should not be viewed by anyone. Even the detainees at Gitmo would crack from the sheer agony that this film induces.
- DirectorPoul BangSidney W. PinkStarsBent MejdingAsbjørn AndersenPovl WøldikeAfter copper miners discover a piece of the frozen tail of a giant prehistoric reptile in Lapland, scientists inadvertently bring it back to life.Because the 1960s didn't have enough Godzilla rip-offs.
- DirectorGeorge McCowanStarsRay MillandSam ElliottJoan Van ArkA group of helpless victims celebrate a birthday on an island estate crawling with killer amphibians, birds, insects, and reptiles.Other than the plot not making sense, the title pretty much sums up the movie.