The worst films I have seen since I started my Cineworld pass in May 2008
I pay a monthly subscription and get to see whatever I want. So none of these was a waste of money, but they were all a waste of my time.
The list is in reverse order down to number 20. Then I decided to add more films.
The list is in reverse order down to number 20. Then I decided to add more films.
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21 titles
- DirectorAmi Canaan MannStarsSam WorthingtonJeffrey Dean MorganChloë Grace MoretzIn the Texas bayous, a local homicide detective teams up with a cop from New York City to investigate a series of unsolved murders.Despite a cast drawn from the "A" list, this is a drab, uninteresting crime drama.
- DirectorBrad PeytonStarsBette MidlerChris O'DonnellJack McBrayerThe on-going war between the canine and feline species is put on hold when they join forces to thwart a rogue cat spy with her own sinister plans for conquest.You don't have to try quite as hard if you're making a kids movie, and they didn't. This limp effort is generally poor.
- DirectorSteve PinkStarsJohn CusackRob CorddryCraig RobinsonA malfunctioning time machine at a ski resort takes a man back to 1986 with his two friends and nephew, where they must relive a fateful night and not change anything to make sure the nephew is born.A good idea, but it features a major character who is so unpleasant that I did not want to spend any time in his company.
- DirectorOlatunde OsunsanmiStarsMilla JovovichElias KoteasWill PattonA thriller involving an ongoing unsolved mystery in Alaska, where one town has seen an extraordinary number of unexplained disappearances during the past 40 years and there are accusations of a federal cover up.A gimmicky but inane alien/horror movie, ineptly executed, leaves no reason to see it at all, does it? No, it doesn't.
- DirectorLasse HallströmStarsAnni-Frid LyngstadBenny AnderssonBjörn UlvaeusAn incompetent radio DJ tries to get an interview with the Swedish pop group during their famous week-long 1977 tour of Australia.Good songs, of course, but the movie is rendered almost unwatchable due to the ludicrous framing story about a reporter trying to get an interview.
- DirectorSeth GordonStarsJason BatemanMelissa McCarthyJohn ChoMild mannered businessman Sandy Patterson travels from Denver to Florida to confront the deceptively harmless looking woman who has been living it up after stealing Sandy's identity.This is another comedy which shoots itself in the foot by virtue of being based around a deeply unpleasant character.
- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsNoah RingerNicola Peltz BeckhamJackson RathboneAang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom.Two hours of CGI in search of something - anything! - to hang itself on, and failing to find it, leaves you wondering why you bothered.
- DirectorDavid Gordon GreenStarsDanny McBrideNatalie PortmanJames FrancoWhen Prince Fabious's bride is kidnapped, he goes on a quest to rescue her... accompanied by his lazy useless brother Thadeous.Guess what? This is a comedy based around an extremely unpleasant character. Again, the assumption is that "unpleasant" = "funny". It doesn't.
- DirectorP.J. HoganStarsIsla FisherHugh DancyKrysten RitterA college grad lands a job as a financial journalist in New York City to support where she nurtures her shopping addiction and falls for a wealthy entrepreneur.This comedyis based on the notion that financial recklessness and waste is funny. It isn't. Which is a shame, because Isla Fisher is very good.
- DirectorAlberto MarStarsJason HarrisChris EdgerlyBill LobleyTop Cat and the gang face a new police chief, who is not at all happy with the poor Officer Dibble's performance trying to prevent Top Cat's scams.This is a lame attempt to revisit TV animation. If anything, it is technically worse than the TV series.
- DirectorWes AndersonStarsGeorge ClooneyMeryl StreepBill MurrayAn urbane fox cannot resist returning to his farm raiding ways and then must help his community survive the farmers' retaliation.Wes Anderson misfires with this ugly animation of a classic kids' story, aimed at adults, and intent on showing how clever it is.
- DirectorSean AndersStarsAdam SandlerAndy SambergLeighton MeesterWhile in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent until Todd's 18th birthday. Now Donny resurfaces just before Todd's wedding after years apart, sending the groom-to-be's world crashing down.An Adam Sandler vehicle which is even fouler than usual.
- DirectorMarco SchnabelStarsMike MyersJessica AlbaRomany MalcoPitka, an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge is to settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player whose wife left him for a rival athlete.Mike Myers thinks he's funnier than I do. His mugging at the camera turns sour: it is difficult to tell whether this is through overuse, because the film is awful, or both.
- DirectorAndy De EmmonyStarsJessica SzohrEd SpeleersTimothy SpallSchool is over and summer has begun in the dead-end seaside town of Rainmouth. While Jamie's friends seem to be happy working in the local pie factory by day and looking for sex by night, Jamie is bored out of his mind, running his pot-head mother's B&B. He's desperate to get out of there. But when he meets beautiful, smart and sexy American traveler Juliana at a party, he's smitten - the world is not so small after all. But soon after Juliana's arrival, strange things start happening. One of the local teens goes missing at a party. Then, another. Jamie is warned by an enigmatic stranger that a werewolf is in town - and preying solely on virgin flesh! The only way to be safe seems to be to pop your cherry. (But that can't be true... can it?) As the locals are picked off one by one, the boys fear that a werewolf is indeed after them. And for all their talk, it turns out none of them have ever had sex before... Pretty soon, everyone is dying to get laid.A British horror comedy which is neither horrific nor funny. It is British, though. And unpleasant. And generally rubbishy.
- DirectorLana WachowskiLilly WachowskiStarsEmile HirschMatthew FoxChristina RicciYoung driver, Speed Racer, aspires to be champion of the racing world with the help of his family and his high-tech Mach 5 automobile.This is like being shaken in a bag of M&Ms for two hours - very vivid, but headache-inducing.
- DirectorGerald McMorrowStarsEva GreenRyan PhillippeSam RileyA portrait of the broken lives of four people (a vigilante detective, a worried parent, an awkward man looking for love and a suicidal artist) as they all struggle to cope in their religiously-dystopian city.A self-consciously clever-clever film ties four story threads together. Badly. This gives coincidence a bad name.
- DirectorHarold RamisStarsJack BlackMichael CeraOlivia WildeAfter being banished from their tribe, two hunter-gatherers encounter Biblical characters and eventually wind up in the city of Sodom.A "comedy" which suffers from having a) no laughs whatsoever and b) Jack Black at his gruesome worst.
- DirectorBryan BertinoStarsScott SpeedmanLiv TylerGemma WardA young couple staying in an isolated vacation home are terrorized by three unknown assailants.An awful cabin in the woods horror where the victims are even more witless and clueless than usual, Liv Tyler snivels through the whole film, the set up takes for ever, and the ending is given away at the start. Hugely annoying.
- DirectorJohn H. WilliamsStarsTom KennyZack ShadaPatrick WarburtonSpace Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back follows Comet, the cool techno chimp who longs to be taken seriously as a full-fledged space chimp. Comet journeys to the fantastical Planet Malgor and bonds with the adorable alien Kilowatt, living out his ultimate fantasy. However, it's time for Comet to prove himself when the feared alien ruler Zartog takes over Mission Control! Comet must show he has the right stuff, and join fellow chimps Ham, Luna and Titan, to save the day.An even more rubbishy sequel to a rubbishy original. Poor in every way.
- DirectorNima NourizadehStarsThomas MannOliver CooperJonathan Daniel BrownThree high-school seniors throw a birthday party to make a name for themselves. As the night progresses, things spiral out of control as word of the party spreads.A vile found footage verite recording of an outrageous teen party in which a house is trashed, courtesy of the most putrid character I have ever seen in a film, who escapes with no consequences whatsoever. The most morally repellent film I have encountered in recent years.
- DirectorElizabeth BanksSteven BrillSteve CarrStarsEmma StoneStephen MerchantRichard GereA series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood.A wonderful cast of big-name stars in an anthology film which finds it more important to be outrageous and offensive than funny, and consequently fails to be funny at all.