FUNNIEST EPISODES OF TV-SITCOMS
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- DirectorJohn PasquinStarsRoseanne BarrJohn GoodmanLaurie MetcalfThe countdown to the deadline for filing their tax returns finds Dan and Roseanne running around in circles trying to get it done in time.IRS Office Supervisor: I'm sorry Ma'am. Uh, I didn't get your name.
Dan: [smiling] You don't need her name.
Roseanne: [Roseanne makes her way back up to the window] No, Dan... I'm... I'm not gonna... be intimidated by that little weasel.
Dan: Hunny, this isn't the unemployment office.
Roseanne: [walking through the line] No, no. I have nothing to hide. Excuse me, Rabbi.
[standing at the window, to the IRS Supervisor]
Roseanne: I am not afraid to tell you my name... It's Wagner!
[crowd applauds as she starts to leave, Dan whispers 'Mrs. Norris T' to Roseanne]
Roseanne: Mrs. Norris T. Wagner! - DirectorGreg BeemanStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsThe Arnold men embark on their tri-annual three-day fishing trip. While on the trip, it quickly becomes evident that Kevin and Wayne have outgrown the whole camping experience.
- DirectorArthur AlbertStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsKevin tries to make his date with Winnie, while dealing with the pressures of his Chinese Take-Out job.
- DirectorMichael DinnerStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsKevin and Wayne are at each other's throats over sharing the same room. When it seems that Karen moves out, a fight ensues about who gets her room for his own and who stays in the old one.
- DirectorRob ThompsonStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsFollowing the death of a very distant relative, Grandpa Arnold comes to visit and convinces the family to attend the funeral and burial. While at the event, Kevin begins to think about the mortality of his dad and grandfather.
- DirectorDavid GreenwaltStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsWhen Kevin and his friends get together for their weekly night of poker, each of them is forced to face up to their problems. Chuck is worried about possibly becoming a father; Randy is failing Math; Jeff is accused of being a cheater; Paul and Kevin realize how much they've grown apart.
- DirectorBethany RooneyStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsWayne finally gets his driver's license, but doesn't sit well with his new job of driving Kevin and Paul around.
- DirectorLee Shallat ChemelStarsPatricia HeatonNeil FlynnCharlie McDermottMike stops talking to Frankie and Frankie takes a second job after she makes an accidental $200 purchase. Meanwhile, Axl tries to take care of a "baby" for a class project, and Brick and Sue try to fix a hole in the wall.
- DirectorBarnet KellmanStarsPatricia HeatonNeil FlynnCharlie McDermottThe Hecks try to clean out their house during Spring Break, but uncover a lot more than junk. Meanwhile, Brick takes advantage of the situation to make some money.
- DirectorSteve MinerStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsWayne's bullying of Kevin has been getting pretty out-of-hand lately. but when he interferes in a big way with Kevin and Paul's Science Project, Wayne may have gone too far.
- DirectorJamie BabbitStarsPatricia HeatonNeil FlynnCharlie McDermottFrankie buys Sue an expensive pair of jeans to help build her confidence, Mike buys Axl a car to help him impress a girl, and Brick tries to take care of the Aunts' pet dog.
- DirectorKen TopolskyStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsWe follow several different stories during the course of one lunch period at William McKinley Senior High. Wayne Arnold tries to win a bet by finding the true identity of a kid known only as Maniac. Kevin is asked by Winnie to donate blood for the school blood drive, and is also hooked into trying to sneak out of school to see an X-rated film with his friends.
- DirectorMichael DinnerStarsFred SavageDan LauriaAlley MillsKevin and his Dad decide to build a tree house in the backyard. However, their father/son bonding is soon derailed when their work gives them a birds-eye view of an attractive female neighbor.
- DirectorNick HavingaStarsMax WrightAnne SchedeenAndrea ElsonALF breaks Kate's precious $1,000 painting and gets confined in the garage. ALF can't handle a single night there and makes a bargain with Kate: unless he can behave 7 days in the house, ALF has to move into the garage permanently.THE OVEN EXPLOSION
- DirectorLeonard R. Garner Jr.StarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiVictor WilliamsCarrie and Kelly decide to have Arthur, Doug, and Deacon spend the whole day together. However, their plan backfires, because the three of them become uncontrollable delinquents.Fight the Power
(uncredited)
Performed by Public Enemy - DirectorJames WiddoesStarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiVictor WilliamsArthur has a minor heart attack after being frightened by Doug on Halloween.
- DirectorEllen GittelsohnStarsRoseanne BarrJohn GoodmanLaurie MetcalfRoseanne and Dan clash over what will be donated to a charity drive. Dan has trouble letting go of his stuff, so he plots ways to keep it. Darlene is worried about a bad grade on her report card getting her into trouble, so she plots to conceal the truth from her parents. Jackie is upset with Booker for nearly standing her up... again.Dan Conner: That's my Canoga Beer Cuckoo clock.
Roseanne: You mean the one where the drunk bear comes out every hour and burps?
Dan Conner: That's the Canoga Bear. And he doesn't burp, he growls.
Roseanne: Burps.
Dan Conner: Growls.
Roseanne: Burps.
Dan Conner: Growls.
Roseanne: Burps.
Dan Conner: Growls.
Roseanne: Dan, he pops out of there with his beer mug. The belching bear goes!
Dan Conner: Listen to this.
[sets clock to the hour, then sings]
Dan Conner: Any time's the perfect time for a Canoga Beer! The bear's the one to have friends and fun, so have a Canoga Beer! Ca-no-ga!
[Bear comes out of the clock and burps] - DirectorJohn SguegliaStarsRoseanne BarrJohn GoodmanLaurie MetcalfRoseanne's hospitality bites her in the behind when a door-to-door salesman she lets in the house dies in their kitchen and the family must contend with the corpse all day until the coroner can arrive.Roseanne Conner: [feeling for the man's pulse] I think he's dead.
Dan Conner: [steps back] Check again.
Roseanne Conner: I know how to count to zero.
D.J. Conner: Did the policeman shoot him?
Roseanne Conner: No honey, he just kind of ran down like when your toys need new batteries. - DirectorJohn SguegliaStarsRoseanne BarrJohn GoodmanLaurie MetcalfThe Conner household is thrown into chaos with the arrival of Roseanne's parents who do nothing but criticize their daughters behind their backs.Dan Conner: [making out a shopping list, since Roseanne's parents showed up unannounced] Let me see if I got this straight. We need milk?
Roseanne Conner: Milk.
Dan Conner: Eggs?
Roseanne Conner: Eggs.
Dan Conner: Bullets?
Roseanne Conner: [stuck sleeping on cots, they talk about the possibility that Roseanne's parents might move to Lanford] Seriously, Dan, what are we going to do?
Dan Conner: Well, I'd say let's sleep on it... but who could sleep! You know, if you knew how to stand up to your parents, we wouldn't be lying here right now.
Roseanne Conner: What is that supposed to mean? And I'm warning you, that fireplace poker's within reach! - DirectorJohn PasquinStarsRoseanne BarrJohn GoodmanLaurie MetcalfThe first of the annual Halloween episodes finds Roseanne doing her best to scare Dan who is waiting to hear about an important business deal going through.Becky Conner: Dad, do you remember some psycho named Mrs. Osmand?
Dan Conner: Yeah, didn't she have a couple of hits in the 70s?
Roseanne Conner: No Dan, you remember the one they took away.
Dan Conner: Oh yeah, she was a real psycho, wasn't she always trying to eat her face?
Roseanne Conner: That was when there was still hope. But you remember what happened after that.
Dan Conner: Oh yeah, who could forget? She uh...
Darlene Conner: Escaped.
Dan Conner: Yeah.
Becky Conner: No they didn't. You said they let her out.
Roseanne Conner: Oh, well we just didn't want to scare you.
Jackie Harris: Yeah, you know there's an APB out on her.
Dan Conner: Is that right?
Roseanne Conner: Dan, there's a woman in our backyard!
Dan Conner: [everybody goes to the back door] She's hiding behind the garage, I better go out there.
Roseanne Conner: No, Dan, no!
Darlene Conner: Where'd she go? Where'd she go?
Roseanne Conner, Dan Conner, Jackie Harris: GOTCHA! - DirectorJohn PasquinStarsRoseanne BarrJohn GoodmanLaurie MetcalfDetermined to squeeze back into an old pair of jeans, Roseanne commits herself (and Dan, much to his horror) to yet another dieting spree.Roseanne Conner: [after being unable to zip up a pair of pants]
[groans]
Roseanne Conner: We've gotta go on a diet.
Dan Conner: What's this *we* jazz? My pants fit fine.
Jackie Harris: [Dan comes in huffing] How'd the walk go?
Dan Conner: [out of breath] Good!
[picks up keys]
Becky Conner: Where're you going?
Dan Conner: Pick up you mom. - DirectorJay SandrichStarsBill CosbyPhylicia RashadLisa BonetClair is upset when Theo brings home a bad report card and claims he has no plans to attend college; Cliff is horrified to meet Denise's date.Cliff: The boy told me he wants to be "regular people" when in fact what he is is "lazy" people. And if the regular people find out he's using their name, they're gonna come and kick his butt!
- 2007–201920mTV-PG8.4 (4.2K)TV EpisodeDirectorMark CendrowskiStarsJohnny GaleckiJim ParsonsKaley CuocoThe guys' friendship is threatened when they find a ring from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.Sheldon Cooper: Give us the precious.
Leonard Hofstadter: Never!
Sheldon Cooper: [they fight] Give it to me!
Leonard Hofstadter: Get off of me!
Sheldon Cooper: Give me the ring!
Sheldon Cooper: It's mine!
Penny: OK. I gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
Sheldon Cooper: Give it to me! I said give it to me!
Leonard Hofstadter: Mi-i-i-i-i-ne! - DirectorKen KwapisStarsJane KaczmarekBryan CranstonChristopher MastersonThe family takes a day vacation at the water-park. All except Dewey, who has to stay home with an overage babysitter, which turns out to be more fun than expected. While Malcolm and Reese get into a loop of revenge-pranks, Hal and Lois try to enjoy the day off. As Dewey's babysitter hits the dance-floor, in more than one way, the youngest member of the family sets off on his own.Fernando by ABBA - Dance Scene
- DirectorTodd HollandStarsJane KaczmarekBryan CranstonChristopher MastersonMalcolm accidentally hits a ball into grouchy old Mrs. Griffin's yard, and when he goes to retrieve it, he has a run-in with the elderly lady that accidentally makes her fall and break her arm. As punishment, he must go over to her house every day after school to help her out. Meanwhile, Dewey begins to carry a purse to school instead of a backpack; and Francis must deal with his screw-up friend Richie at military school.The Richie vs. Commandant Edwin Spangler scenes
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsJane KaczmarekBryan CranstonChristopher MastersonMalcolm sucks at street-hockey, frankly because he has no skates. So he turns to his father, who trains all his sons in the secrets of skating before he allows them to have their own pair. Neither of his bigger brother tell him about his fathers training and Malcolm gets even more anxious as Hal gets very mysterious about it all, but nothing can prepare either one of them for what is to come. Lois hurt her back terribly and has to stay in bed, which does not keep her from tyrannizing Reese and constantly trying to avoid being drugged with pain medication by her loving husband Hal. At the military academy everybody is preparing for a weekend of survival training without any comfort, except for Francis who tries to ditch his comrades.We Are the Champions
(uncredited)
Written by Freddie Mercury
Performed by Queen
Funkytown
(uncredited)
Written by Steve Greenberg
Performed by Lipps Inc. - DirectorRob SchillerStarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiVictor WilliamsWhile Carrie is very pleased when she gets her own assistant, Doug isn't happy with a new and funny colleague.Al Pacino, Clint Eastwood, Columbo, Arnold Schwarzenegger,... impressions from Craig Gass and Kevin James
- DirectorGregory Thomas GarciaStarsLucas NeffMartha PlimptonGarret DillahuntAt 23, Jimmy doesn't mind sharing his birthday with Maw Maw, although it was hell when he was a kid and she had lots of friends and he had none. When he turned 18 during his nasty Goth period (alias "Drakkar Noir"), she "finally" felt able to throw the Chance trio out of her home, so they had to grow up instantly and seek real job incomes--supplemented by devious ways to skin the supermarket. However, five years ago her mind went, so they got the house back--with her as senile resident hazard.
- DirectorRob GreenbergStarsJosh RadnorJason SegelCobie SmuldersEverybody misses the Super Bowl because of a funeral. Therefore, they all try to go 24 hours without finding out who won so that they can watch the game together on Monday night.