I feel my whole life is observing, and I wish I could get into the action. I came from a very ugly background and a very ugly small town with people with very ugly attitudes. I had a need for beauty, and I think I share that with lots of people. That need comes simply because of all of the sordidness and unhappiness and resentment as well as the calamity of growing up gay when I was growing up. That's a roundabout way of saying I never felt too included.