- Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes books.
- All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.
- It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
- Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints that a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
- Jerry [Kern] generally does the music first and I put words to it. If I write a lyric without having to fit it to a tune, I always make it too much like a set of light verse, much too regular in meter. I think you get the best results by giving the composer his head and having the lyricist follow him.
- He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.
- The least thing upset him on the links. He missed the short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
- She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'.
- I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
- Whatever may be said of the Victorians, it is pretty generally admitted that few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
- Breakfast had been prepared by the kitchen maid, and indifferent performer who had used the scorched earth policy with the bacon.
- I started violently, as if some unseen hand had goosed me.
- [on the game of rugby] Each side is allowed to do things to its fellow-man which, if done elsewhere, would result in fourteen days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench.
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