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- To every generation, a Slayer is born. Or appointed. Ryan has his eye on a long-legged blonde cheerleader, but he can't score a date with her, she's busy every night. Busy slaying vampires. No, her name's not Buffy, it's Bunny. Trying to come to the rescue when his romance object is in danger, Ryan botches up as per usual, leaving the poor girl with a broken leg. So now he has to stand in as Vampire Slayer. Earth is doomed.
- Working off his debt for incurring damages, baseball-wielding Ryan becomes night janitor at Northridge, and while slaving away, discovers the identity of the mysterious Phantom of the Library. Everyone's not-so-favorite teacher. Guess who?
- Jack scores an unlikely date, with vivacious Miss Taylor, Ryan's teacher. Anxiety gnaws at Jennie as she feels she is losing control over him.
- Ryan's big love. Well, literally. All in the name of money. Yes, Ryan becomes the one pursued. By a, well, big, er, rather large chick. Who happens to be loaded. Lots and lots loaded. And so, instead of a career selling rotting oranges to passing motorists, Ryan lines himself up for easy street. Gigolo time. Big time.
- A disgruntled meter maid gets Jack to face the music for Jennie's parking violation. In jail. With a cannibal as a cellmate.
- Ryan at long last finds his calling in life. Accidentally. As a cutter of women's hair. No, not as a barber. As a stylist. But when he requests $200 from his Dad to go off to beauty school, Jack nearly has a heart attack wanting to die of shame, believing his son to be gay, oops!, the other way. Before you can say "Warren Beaty" though, Mr. Ryan becomes a huge hit with the ladies, some of whom even spill over Ross' way. Cutting the hair of a female Hollywood power monger lands Mr. Ryan in pole position to produce her next movie. But wise and thoughtful parents Jack and Jennie want him to go back to school, as finishing his education is more important.
- Breaking out into sprays of sweat every time he's near a girl, Ryan resorts to copious overuse of deodorant. By the cans full. Caking his underarms. After Tiffany lost out on an unwise bet, she had to find him a date. Turns out she's a refugee set on American citizenship. At all costs. Told by the desperate woman that she prefers manly smells, he delves about and sheds excess bricks of powdery mess there in the car. Which leaves evidence that gets misinterpreted as cocaine abuse by all-of-a-sudden concerned parents Jack and Jennie who watched an Are Your Kids On Drugs alert on TV.
- Jack has to square up and go a round with a big, burly neighbor, because Jennie and the wife next door have been in a quarrel about stolen avocados and a garden sprinkler.
- Ryan tells one about a night of love with Penny at Tiffany.
- Tiffany has fallen in love. And she believes him to be The One. So, she's ready to give up her virginity.
- Om a mission for Tiffany, Jack puts on his party pants as he tries chasing after Sable's Mom.
- Planting hydrangea bushes, Tiffany dug up an old box in the garden, and an old journal causes the gang to reminisce about having alternate lives during the days of the Old Wild West. Jack's a barkeep, Ryan's the Sheriff, Jennie's a madam and Ross is handicapped, but with Tiffany dancing the can-can, what else matters?
- Flight of the rabbits. Send out on an errand to buy tampons, Jack grabs Mr. Floppy and dashes off to Mexico, to never have to go buy tampons ever again.
- Inexplicably, out of character, Tiffany gets bitten by the bingo bug. Hooked as she is, she is now Mom's girl, and Jack falls out of favor as the parent of choice. How to win her back? And how will Mr. Floppy make unattainable Hollywood vixen Drew Barrymore jealous?
- Mr. Floppy loses his lucky rabbit's foot as a charm to Ryan, who narrowly misses out on scoring a hot blond date with it, but after Tiffany scores a diamond engagement ring, and Jennie's objective to enter the Betty Ford clinic to score a rich husband might become reality, Jack has great difficulty securing it back for his furry little friend.
- 1995–1999TV-PG7.1 (19)TV EpisodeTiffany gets a job
- Jack gets a new job; Tiffany attempts to join a sorority, which involves wearing diapers and being Ryan's slave.
- Tiffany adores her favorite teacher, Mr. Peabody. He's not like the cock-of-the-walk Mr. Monteleone at all. Quite the opposite. Too much so. Shy and withdrawn. To spite Mr. Monteleone, she plans to award Mr. Peabody as Teacher of the Year. And he'd be the guest of honor at their table for dinner. But it turns out Mr. Peabody has a dark secret. And as the spotlight falls on the demure old man, Tiffany's article in the school newspaper alerts the authorities, and the police arrive to arrest the serial killer. But he escapes. With the invitation standing. Guess who's coming to dinner...?
- Ryan has his eye on a fellow-student at Northridge, but she's only interested in Jack, but really with an ulterior motive.
- Nasty old Mr. Monteleone sends Tiffany on a mission to infiltrate the cheerleading squad.
- Tiffany wants to traipse off to the lake with an amorous boy, but like Mr. Floppy warns, boys are after only one thing; meanwhile, Ryan has a date with a dominatrix, but who cares?
- What is the appeal of European men? Tiffany loses her heart to a French exchange student, and Ryan hits it big with the ladies when he assumes a German disguise, even though he gets mistaken as the Planters' Peanuts logo. But Tiffany's heartthrob soon turns out to be a ten, twenty-timing rat copying her love letter to him, stealing her words to send them out to every hot chick at Northridge. Including Barbara. Who falls in love with those words. And now sees Tiffany in a different light.
- Tiffany's always had an exemplary scholastic record, but not so when it came to sport. But she finds an obscure sport at which she is sure to excel. In the absence of any other competitors, that is. The ancient art of fencing. Alas, turns out Barbara's secret pastime sets her up to be Tiffany's nemesis.
- Star reporter Tiffany on the trail of a scoop. Theres an ex-Nazi living somewhere in Van Nuys. And his grandson might be attending Northridge. And on a selfless do-gooding kick, despite being warned against it, Tiffany tries to help out uber-nerd Elliott at the school paper. But ends up getting sued for sexual harassment.
- If she'd be the spokesperson for a bank, Tiffany has the chance to do a lucrative TV commercial. But it's the same bank that turned down Jack's loan when she was a kid, and she then had to lose out on any Christmas present. No forgetting, no forgiving, Malloy rule. Of course, blonde hussy Barbara is waiting in the wings, eager to grab the opportunity for herself. And Ryan found an abandoned dog he believes to be Toby The Wonder Dog from the movie Old Feller, and is trying to find it a home. Bared fangs face Ross. And Jack, who had really meant that loan for investing in twenty-five percent of a little company called Microsoft, plans his just revenge. Every dog gets his day.
- Feeling lonely, and for the sake of the wayward Malloy kids, Jennie tries to heal the family by letting Jack move back - into the basement. Mr. Floppy thinks they're going to Paris.
- College acceptance showdown as Tiffany and Barbara open up their responses from Harvard. And, as Jack finally makes it big in the business world, Mr. Floppy faces his existential crisis: If there is no place for him in Jack's imagination anymore, he is dead. Ominously, this is the last episode. Farewell, old friend.
- Sheila enters the household. Sheila had been Jennie's dream. Sheila is a glass table. No gravy will be served at dinner - Sheila must be kept spotless. Revolt is in the air. And when it comes to bringing down Sheila, shattering Jennie's dream, guess which boy is gonna be the patsy?
- Ryan enrolled in Women"s Studies to be in Boobieville. His assignment there is to find out what women want. The avid male interest in dumb TV show Baywatch inspires Tiffany to do a study on whether men want a smart woman or a stupid woman. To this end, she will pose as twins, going after the same guy. Meanwhile, Ryan gets in touch with his feminine side. Right down to experiencing menstrual cramps. It's bad enough for Ross to live in a house where the nutty psychotic Dad talks to a stuffed bunny, but now both Tiffany and Ryan are two separate people.
- How far would Tiffany go to get an easy A? Brains won't help, for new teacher Mr. Studebaker demands his household chores done in exchange for the one precious A he'd award this year. Hell, no, we won't go. Watch out, though, for rival Barbara is ready to jump as he dictates. So... But if sucking up to teacher means taking care of his constipated kitty, that's the last straw.
- Ryan and Tiffany's joy rides come to an end when Jack pretends to steal the family car, but his plan backfires when the car is actually stolen.
- Mr. Floppy writes a dark and twisted tale, his autobiography. Down in the cellar, Jennie picks it up, and reckons Jack to be the new writing sensation. Tiffany believes they are all going to be rid of their middle class stigma. Happy days, happy family. Then Jack reads the sordid tale. He insists on a happy ending. But then the whole cake falls flat.
- Jack runs over his mother-in-law with his brand-new moped, and faces having to crawl before her unless he wants to get sued and go to jail. The one thing that still makes him a man, that he vowed he would never do.
- Ryan meets a fast talking spinner named Bitsy and she becomes his girlfriend until her sexual secret is revealed.
- Meet the Malloys. Cynical Jack and devil-may-care Jenny are separating, drop-dead-gorgeous daughter Tiffany is self-absorbed to the core, and older brother Ryan is just plain dumb. Little Ross's toy bunny, Mr. Floppy, ends up being Jack's talking, worldly-wise companion in his new shack.
- Loser boy Ryan has a band. Thanks to hot sis Tiffany. Sleazy-looking record producer took one look at the haphazardly shot promo video, saw inadvertent walk-on redhead sister with the long, long legs, and signed on the loser band. See Ryan perform. Just try not to hear him squawk, er, sing. Then see Glorious Tiffany do the Gloria Estefan to the Miami - no, Malloy - Sound Machine.
- Poking fun at Ally McBeal's dancing baby. And likening Calista Flockhart to E.T. Riding the wave of the X-Files, Tiffany and Ryan become paranormal investigators. No, aliens didn't abduct Jennie. She ran off with her lesbian lover. Never to be seen again.
- Jack fires Ryan up to rebel against Jennie making him do the unmanly chores, and causes Ryan to get kicked out, knocking at his door for shelter. Not what he had in mind. And pretty soon, Jennie comes to dump Ross off as well. Where is the place of man in the natural order of the world?
- Virgin Tiffany wakes up on 'the morning after' bound and gagged, she has no recollection about what might have happened after accidentally having eaten a single rum ball, because with her low body-weight, she was technically drunk, and now goes on a quest to know what might be the awful truth.
- Tiffany wakes up to the day that is her twentieth birthday. Gone are her days of being a teen. But wait until she gets her present from Jack, the very best gift you could give a girl on the day she laments not being a teenager anymore.
- Barbara is padding her Harvard resume with outright lies. Like, she'd been a secretary of the Pope. Utter drivel. Jack's parenting skills include urging his daughter to appreciate the value of being untruthful, so she follows suit. Pretends to be able to play the violin like a professional concert performer. Harvard would lap that up. But she can't play. Will just wing it. False notes ensue. But in front of the right audience, in a red dress paired with high heels... Vanessa Mae, eat your heart out.
- Animal activist little Ross foists being a vegetarian upon the meat-guzzling family. It's either that, or they all lose out on the $10 000 that goes along with the award. Salads await. And Linda McCartney's lasagna. Tiffany rebels, and even Jack's favorite child gets pushed out as the lure of money talks. In the absence of his regular daily diet, Jack gets rhapsodical as he enthuses about the virtues of meat. And then Jasper barks at something he found in the cupboard. A traitor to his own cause gets revealed.
- In English class, star pupil Tiffany scores a B. Actually, a B minus. And that's really just a tarted up C. For a girl who aims to go to Harvard. All because of disgruntled old teacher Monteleone, fed up with being underpaid, who rewards mediocrity with an A, while originality and creative input earn naught but scorn. Parroting Ryan gets an easy A for regurgitating total tripe, so that's the last straw - Tiffany has to stand up in class to the sour-faced less-than-intellectual bully. And Jack plans to make a movie with young talent, so flyers went up all over town, and a big party is expected, the clatter of high heels - that is, until the clump of heavy jackboots arrive.
- Tiffany is at college. Northridge Junior College. Far from Harvard, her ideal. All thanks to saboteur Mr. Monteleone, the B-minus-giving spoilsport. College life here is dull, and the only way up is to be a reporter for the college newspaper, which is in the doldrums as well. And even here, evil old Monteleone thwarts her. He pigeonholes her as a scandal columnist. So, there is only thing to do. If it's scandal he craves, it's scandal he'll get. His own. SheepGate. Yes, Mr. Monteleone loves sheep. Yes, of course it's a fabrication. But when the poor old sap starts denying, his world comes crashing down.
- 1995–1999TV-PG6.8 (33)TV EpisodeJennie needs funds for breast enlargement. All hell breaks loose when she tries to sell her engagement ring, only to discover the diamond is a dud. To make up, Jack has to sell his baseball signed by Babe Ruth, but turns out this gift from Jennie had been a fake as well.
- Jennie, who never had a Prom date, chaperons the school dance, where Tiffany is in charge of organization, but she has invested the money in blue-chip war stock, only now, peace has broken out worldwide. Jennie has to rush in to help, it's her last chance to go to the dance, after all.
- Never give up. A young tycoon, the owner of several fast food restaurants, falls in love with Tiffany, and to woo her over, hires unemployable Ryan, and promises easy-to-please Jack an enormously huge TV. But Tiffany spurns his advances. Obsessed, he names his latest dish after her. Tiffany Burger. Yum.
- The kids take to the road. Learner driver Tiffany is a demon behind the wheel of the family car. Nightmare ride for Jack. Ryan regresses to a childhood memory of running over the family cat.
- Basketball yet again. Jack is supposed to play a Father/Son basketball game with Ross. The lure of the trophy is his only incentive, but Ross? That little loser? So, he has other ideas. Even Ryan is preferable. Tiffany has to keep Ross in the dark. And Floppy has a gripe against dentists. Solution: Kill them all.
- Aw, no. Tiffany has yet again found Mr. Right. The problem this time is that he's just absolutely too disconcertingly perfect. He's smarter than Tiffany, beats her at chess, is just all round super at everything he does. So she decides to dump him. But then realizes she can't give up anybody this great. Meanwhile, Mr. Floppy starts thinking about the future. After all, this is the final season of the show. What's he gonna do? Ah, hot club dancer. Too bad nothing like that for Jack.
- Big dinner invite for Jack to Jenny's. It's their Anniversary, but Jack has forgotten, all he can think about is getting a VCR for the lonely hours in his bachelor flat, and scoring some toilet paper.
- Tiffany has yet another boyfriend. A sensitive type, with finer tastes, who wants to tag along to go see, wait for it, The Bridges Of Madison County. No, he's not gay, just the answer to Tiffany's dreams. But a fat lot of good he turns out to be in the theater where louts are heckling the movie and tossing popcorn at the audience. Ryan, surprisingly, turns out to be a hero when he stands up to be a man - but, of course, gets knocked down. Up to our heroine to solve the matter her way.
- Senior Ditch Day, and they're off to the beach. Tiffany has to hold her own against blond rival Sable as they compete for the attentions of a boy.
- Much to his chagrin, Ross' IQ is revealed to be just average. Having already said "So long, suckers!" to everybody else back at school, he takes this news very hard. It's up to Ryan and Jack to explain to him that being mediocre had its distinct advantages. Less trips to the psychiatrists. And Mr. Floppy becomes a televangelist. Now the duped faithful has a place to send their hard-earned dollars.
- Jennie cannot find a date, so she sets out to seduce Mark, the painter boy and local neighborhood stud, but finds herself going to the dogs.
- Much to Tiffany's dismay, Jennie is going to give a motivational speech at school, but Jack doesn't want to miss out on playing basketball with the guys. Ryan believes himself to be a business 'mongol' after a win at monopoly, and Mr. Floppy feels taken for granted. Cringing shame for everybody at the school hall.
- Jennie gets the opportunity to date the rock hero of her teenage dreams. But how to slip it past Jack? How about if they play a game where both of them get to choose a celebrity they could be with, partner's blessing included?
- Jack misses the love of his life, gone for three months already. No, not Jenny. Of course not. With the bill for cable TV unpaid, that's gone out of the door as well. So, now it's up to Tiffany and Ryan to appear on an inane TV quiz show with a thousand dollar cash prize to bring back cable. No, better still, satellite dish.
- Ryan gets a Russian mail order bride
- Inspired by a French movie, Jennie wants the ideal family picnic. Much to the dismay of everyone else. Weaving 'flowers' into Tiffany's hair turns disastrous, Ross gets bitten by a rabid gopher, and Jack falls down a precipice. All just to prove a point: Watching foreign movies is bad for your health.
- P is for - Priddy High? Ryan finally finds something he is a whiz at - Helping the football team pass their urine tests. Tiffany is out in the cold, ousted as the favorite child.
- More mid-life crisis for Jack. He doesn't want Ryan to beat him at basketball for the very first time. Because then he's an old man. Plus, Mr. Floppy spells out what is wrong with America.
- Tiffany's nemesis, blond bully girl Patty McGurk, wants to beat her up Friday at three. Ryan has an unusual defense force. Jennie wants to go to Hawaii, Jack wants to go to Vegas, and stay-at-home Mr. Floppy finds more than ample solace in fantasizing about being cuddled by dream-girls.
- Jennie finds out her new boyfriend is married and must find a way to get rid of him.
- School's out, Jack works the night-shift, and Ryan gets fired from his first day on the job. Home for summer. The kids drive Jennie crazy, and she turns to liquid support. In her drunken state, Mr. Floppy reveals Jack's alter ego to her, in more ways than one.
- 1995–1999TV-PG6.3 (20)TV Episode
- Tiffany, for just being Tiffany, gets blamed for breaking up a relationship. Her college rep is under fire. And opportunist Ryan picks up on the spoils.
- Jack wants sex, Jenny wants to talk, and talk, and talk some more, so Jack retreats back to the basement, where he admits his love to a dismayed Mr. Floppy just as a psychopathic rat is on the loose. The neighbor's cat gets drafted into service, only to come to a grisly end. Tiffany gets a bright idea to get rid of the rodent, but Jack's dislike of Barbara Streisand could have lethal consequences.
- The Mad Hair Hacker goes after Tiffany, Sable, and Tiffany's friend Amber, to chop off their long hair. Meanwhile, Jack and Jennie look forward to terrorizing the neighborhood kids and giving them candy cigarettes on Halloween.
- 1995–1999TV-PG6.2 (20)TV EpisodeBack in 1988, mischievous little Ryan played a trick on his little sister Tiffany, and trapped her inside the closet. And announced that she was now at the mercy of the Closet Monster. Thus scarring her for life, forever afraid of that looming dark closet. Now, ten years later, it's payback time. Tiffany will have her revenge.
- School cafeteria dragon lady, chain-smoking Bulgarian Mrs. Garbaggio, feeds the kids a steady diet of mashed potatoes chronically infested by the most unsavory junk. Beauty Tiffany tries to reason with the beast, to no avail. And her appeal to the School Board bring less than stellar results. Her attempt to overthrow the draconian hag fails miserably - the old witch packs a gun, and the kids had none. Insomniac Jack's sleepless lament gets re-tuned into a potent protest song, We Will Eat No More Po-Ta-Toes, sparking a county-wide uprising which leaves the city in flames. All because of a song. As suspected folk singers flee, Jack happily sleeps through the carnage-filled network TV news report.
- Bored with her successful life, looking for new challenges, ever-successful Tiffany manipulates eternal loser Ryan into running for school president, figuring that he'll be her puppet on a string. But instantly the marionette breaks loose. Now she must reel him in.
- Ryan gets his own back on Tiffany by setting the bathroom scales ten pounds heavy, causing her to go into a tailspin at a time when she is embattled by having her first pimple, minuscule but devastating to her fragile ego. Tiffany flounders in her quest to make up for her 'lost looks' by developing a personality. Jack questions where his loyalty should lay.
- Like mother, like daughter. Tiffany dates a biker. Bikers now remind Jennie of her bad boy Beau Bobby Joe Satan, who once gave her the thrill ride of her life, but then dumped her with a promise of a phone call that never came. She tries to warn newly-minted leather lady Tiffany against giving her heart - not to mention anything more - to the devil-may-care Johnny Stompanado. For tomorrow's phone call never comes.
- An installment with frankly honest advertising. It's title reveals that it is a mishmash of previous episodes. Ross has the whole family - except Jennie, of course - housebound watching the movie he made with French luminary Roman Polanski (!) and everybody's thinking about happier, or somewhat happier, times. For Ryan, it's Lightning Boy, for Tiffany, thinking about what to wear, and for Jack, times with Jennie, when he still had her around.
- Jack is dismayed to find out that darling daughter Tiffany might have opted for the oldest profession. But she's just been selling pictures of herself with nerd boys, posing as The Girl Back Home.
- Ryan is delusional after getting struck by lightning, and expects to have superhero powers. Behold, alter ego Lightning Boy prances about the kitchen in underwear that is outerwear. Jenny wants the experience to boost Ryan's confidence in himself. Everybody humors Ryan as he sets himself up for a confrontation with an earth-bound meteor.
- Jennie lives vicariously through Tiffany being in the school play, 'Romeo and Juliet.' Childhood dream of Jennie, to be Juliet. And a scheme hatched to realize this. The bard is gonna turn over in his grave.
- Tiffany dates Herbie Sternberg and Ryan has a rash.
- Tiffany decides to be bad.
- Smart, blond, tall and long-legged, not to mention equally devious, Sable hits the scene, and Tiffany is worried about having competition that is going to keep her on her toes. Dark secrets are exchanged in a game of detente. Only to get spilled. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star gets a whole new meaning.
- Ryan brings home Crystal, a fetching blonde several years his senior. And already with two children. He thinks she's marriage material. Everybody else thinks he's nuts. They want her out. And Mr. Floppy has a thing about shoes. Ladies' shoes. Tiffany's patent leather. But then he gets squashed.
- 1995–1999TV-PG5.7 (21)TV Episode
- Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the smartest of them all? Tiffany tests her mettle among the geniuses and discovers she might be just average, but then gives some real-life advice to a group of frumpy Gifted Girls. And Jack and Mr. Floppy revels in the show's original theme tune.
- Tiffany finally meets her match when a boy pretends to ignore her. She thinks she's in love.
- Virgo Ryan scores at long last. With a Capricorn. In a Taurus. No, that's not a lot of bull.