Parlor, Bedroom and Bath (1931)

Reginald Denny: Jeffrey Haywood

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Questioning Reginald Irving] 

  Jeffrey Haywood : Have you ever had anything to do with women?

  Reginald Irving : Oh, I used to sell vacuum cleaners.

  Jeffrey Haywood : No no, I mean, have you ever had a love affair with a woman?

  Reginald Irving : Oh, gosh no.

  Jeffrey Haywood : Well, you're going to have.

  Reginald Irving : Oh, I can't. I don't get paid until Saturday.

• Jeffrey Haywood : Now, when you first get to your room, order some... uh, champagne and broiled lobster.

  Reginald Irving : Champ... Ch... Can't you make it beer?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Beer? Certainly not. Champagne!

  [pause] 

  Jeffrey Haywood : C, H, A, M, P, A, uh... oh, well, make it wine. W, I, N, E.

  Reginald Irving : Oh well, what do I call her?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Oh, call her... kid, sweetheart, baby...

  Reginald Irving : Kid, sweetheart, baby.

  Jeffrey Haywood : Uh huh. And then when you're helping her to take off her...

  Reginald Irving : Take off her what?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Wrap!

  Reginald Irving : R, A, P.

  Jeffrey Haywood : No, WRAP! *W*, R, A, P.

  Reginald Irving : Wap?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Wap?... Well, make it coat.

  Reginald Irving : K, O, T, E.

• Jeffrey Haywood : All right, have it your own way; but, remember, I warned you.

  Angelica Embrey : Warned me? You've intrigued me.

• Jeffrey Haywood : Did you pull it over?

  Impostor Lover : Norma Shearer couldn't have done any better!

  Jeffrey Haywood : Good girl! Here's 50 extra.

  Impostor Lover : Mmm!

• Jeffrey Haywood : Say, Angie, what's happened?

  Angelica Embrey : Oh, nothing's happened! That's just it! Why, nothing's ever happened to Reggie! Why, he's not even a man!

  Reginald Irving : Oh, I am too!

  Angelica Embrey : Even Professor Einstein couldn't make me believe that.

• Reginald Irving : Well, what'll I do with this woman while I'm waiting? I'm not much at talkin'.

  Jeffrey Haywood : Oh, well, I'll tell you. Here, I'll draw a diagram for you.

• Jeffrey Haywood : I want to get married next week and you're the one that's going to do it for me.

  Polly Hathaway : Do it for you? Great scott, when a man gets married that's one thing he must do for himself.

• Jeffrey Haywood : I only want you to have supper with him. Will you?

  Polly Hathaway : Well, will he give me a good supper?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Oh, sure! In my room. Its at the Seaside Hotel.

• Jeffrey Haywood : If we can only get Angelica to find her Reggie with another woman...

  Polly Hathaway : Oh, I see!

  Jeffrey Haywood : Looks don't mean anything. Anyone will do.

  Polly Hathaway : Oh, so you picked me! Thanks!

  Jeffrey Haywood : Oh, no, you're such a great scout.

  Polly Hathaway : Yes, I'm Buffalo Bill.

  Jeffrey Haywood : Now, listen, you will register as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

  Polly Hathaway : Mr. and Mrs. John Smith? Now, I'm Pocahontas.

• Jeffrey Haywood : I better find someone who can put a little pep into a man. Someone with enough "it" to teach a man how to act with a woman.

  Polly Hathaway : Oh, yeah? What is the address of this Seaside Hotel?

• Jeffrey Haywood : What's the idea of the golf clubs?

  Reginald Irving : Oh, I thought maybe if Angelica was late, I could practice puttin'.

• Reginald Irving : You think he'll be mad?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Mad? He'll kill you!

• Jeffrey Haywood : Listen, Polly, we've always been good friends, haven't we?

  Polly Hathaway : Yes. But you're scaring the friendship out of me.

• Jeffrey Haywood : I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll marry Angelica myself.

  Virginia Embrey : What?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Yeah, and then I'll poison her and marry you.

  Virginia Embrey : Where are you going?

  Jeffrey Haywood : Where am I going? To get the poison.

• Jeffrey Haywood : [to Reginald Irving]  I might fix it so she could be the mother of your children.

  [Reginald faints]