Speak Easily (1932)
Buster Keaton: Professor Timothy Z. Post
Photos
Quotes
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Eleanor Espere : Tell me, Timmy. Have you ever seriously thought of marriage?
Professor Post : Yes... that's why I'm single.
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Jenkins : Professor, if you'd only go out and find life, you'll enjoy living it.
Professor Post : Oh, but, Jenkins, how often have I told you, that requires money. And I have saved, in 12 years, exactly $4,564.23. I'm saving that for a rainy day.
Jenkins : Yes sir. Poor Professor Pervison said that and it rained the day they buried him.
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Eleanor Espere : I think I know what the Professor wants. Does it go something like this?
[begins dancing]
Professor Post : That's something like it. Only there should be more sensuosity of the hips. Such as.
Eleanor Espere : Oh, you mean like this! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da...
Professor Post : Now that is authentic.
Eleanor Espere : Uh-huh.
Professor Post : But it would be much more effective - if you were in the nude.
James : Professor, Professor. That's out. No nudes!
Professor Post : But, James, it was done so in Athens.
James : Yeah, they might get away with that in Athens. That's a college town!
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Professor Post : I have thought of getting a broadening experience. But, a person in my position can't very well afford indulgent whims.
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James : Well, how are you, Professor? For the love of Mike, how did you get here?
Professor Post : Oh, I was vibrated here in a most unusual vehicle.
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James : Professor, to show that I'm on the level, I'm gonna tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna let you take over the show and manage it.
Professor Post : But, I know nothing whatsoever about the, eh, show business.
James : Well, who does? That's what makes it a great gig. It's packed full of wallops!
Professor Post : I would be a broadening experience.
James : You said it! Runnin' a show is one of the most broadening experiences there is.
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James : Can you swing it? I mean, you got the mazuma?
Professor Post : The what?
James : The sugar! I mean the kale. You know what kale is, don't ya?
Professor Post : Yes. Kale is a vegetable resembling a cabbage.
James : Listen, what I want to say is, have you got the cush? The copecks? The o'day? The cartwheels?
Professor Post : Can someone tell me what he's trying to say?
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Professor Post : James, we've been waiting for you. Mr. Rayburn has seen our entertainment.
Stage Director : I have seen your show; but, not your entertainment.
Professor Post : Well, what does he mean?
James : Oh, he's kiddin'.
Stage Director : No, I'm not kidding. Professor, Broadway stands for a lot of baloney; but, it will never digest a piece of tripe like this!
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Stage Director : What about comedy?
Professor Post : Well, we could take something from the Greeks.
James : What Greek?
Professor Post : Aristophanes is very humorous.
James : I never caught his act. But, there's a million Greeks in New York. I'll take somethin' from 'em.
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Eleanor Espere : The Sunrise Supper Club. Say, I put that saloon on it's feet. Made it New York's hottest night spot. And when I first went there, it was a Speak Easy!
Professor Post : Speak easy?
Eleanor Espere : Yeah, Speak Easy.
Professor Post : Speak easy? You have unconsciously committed a solipsism. You should purify the verb and say: Speak easily.
Eleanor Espere : Speak Easily?
Professor Post : Speak easily.
James : It's here. It's here! It's here!
Professor Post : Did something arrive?
James : I'll say it has. The title for our show: Speak Easily.
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Eleanor Espere : I got legs.
[hikes up her skirt]
Professor Post : I assumed as much.
Eleanor Espere : Assume nothing! Say, get an eyeful of this!
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Eleanor Espere : Don't be sill! And I was thinking, that I would give you the key to my apartment . So, that when you felt like it you could just run up and we could - have a cup of tea?
Professor Post : Very well. If I should ever feel the need of a cup of tea.
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Pansy Peets : She kissed you, didn't she?
Professor Post : Oh, yes! You know, she's a very appreciated girl.
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Pansy Peets : Oh, Professor, don't you understand what she means?
Professor Post : Oh, yes! Yes. She told me that anytime I want to come to her apartment, I could have a cup of tea.
Pansy Peets : Oh! Well I tell you what you do, Timsy. Anytime you feel the need of a cup of tea, you come to *my* apartment.
Pansy Peets : You know, I prefer cocoa.
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Eleanor Espere : [enters wearing a negligee] Well, I'm back again, Timmy.
Professor Post : You wanna take a bath?
Eleanor Espere : [laughs] You can crack wise, can't you.
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[last lines]
Professor Post : Nuts to you!
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Eleanor Espere : Timoleon! Timoleon! We've got an engagement. And you're going to have to do plenty of explaining.
Professor Post : I am fully aware of the fact that the events of the past few minutes have not been of a strictly conventional order. Therefore I feel it necessary to clarify a situation which otherwise might be filled with doubt. This I will do through the medium of a much-quoted, but pungent phrase: "Nuts to you!"
Eleanor Espere : Oh! Oh!
[gasps and runs off]
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Jenkins : Everybody's happy and excited over the drag. Will you be going, sir?
Professor Post : Oh, no, no. I'd rather sit here and read Aristotle.
[He turns the book right side up and then continues]
Professor Post : You know I'm lying, don't you?
Jenkins : Yes, sir.
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Professor Post : Oh, what finishing school did you attend?
Eleanor Espere : Uh, Notre Dame.
Professor Post : Notre Dame? Notre Dame is not co-educational.
Eleanor Espere : Uh, heh, well, I was very young, and you know...
[she changes the subject]
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Professor Post : [to Pansy] You shall dance, as planned.
Stage Director : Ohhh, it's one of those things. Well, why didn't you tell me in the first place?
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Professor Post : [after Eleanor imitates an ancient Greek dance] Now, that is authentic.
Eleanor Espere : Uh, huh.
Professor Post : But it would be much more effective if you were in the nude.
James : [Falling off the piano stool] Professor, professor! That's out - no nudes.
Professor Post : But, James, it was done so in Athens.
James : Yeah, they might get away with that in Athens --- that's a college town.
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Professor Post : I didn't sleep very well myself. I have twitches
Jenkins : Yes, that's what Prof. Ferguson told me in this very room, the night he shot himself.
Professor Post : Shot himself?
Jenkins : [Pointing to where Post is sitting] Yes. In that very chair.
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Professor Post : [Describing ancient Greek dance] That's something like it, only there should be more sinuosity of the legs.
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James : A guy goes into a second hand store and he says to the man, "Is this a second hand store?" And the man says, "Yes." Then, the guy says, "Well, give me a second hand for my watch."
Professor Post : Was he furnish with a second hand?
James : [to Reno] It's too subtle. It went over his head like a trapeze act.