- Happy McGuire: That should be a cinch.
- Butler: I beg your pardon, Sir.
- Happy McGuire: I said that should be a leadpipe cinch!
- Butler: If I had choice of weapons with you, Sir, I'd choose grammar!
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': If we gotta dig up a husband for Annie, let's to it and get it over with.
- Happy McGuire: Yeah, now you gotta dig up a husband for her.
- Happy McGuire: [shouting] Where you gonna get a husband just like that?
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': What about YOU, Happy?
- Happy McGuire: Me?
- Missouri Martin: Oh, that's a swell idea. I think you'd be just precious.
- Happy McGuire: That's a wonderful idea; there's one thing stands in the way: I've got a wife that's very fussy. She don't like for me to go around marryin' people! I know how unreasonable that must sound to you, but she's very funny that way.
- Oscar: [about working in a hotel] People don't leave things in their rooms anymore. Do you know it's got so bad I gotta buy me own toothpaste?
- John the Butler: Whom do you wish to see, sir?
- Happy McGuire: Is this Rodney Kent's apartment?
- John the Butler: Uh, yes, sir, but he's away...
- Happy McGuire: Ah, what gave you the idea I'd give a hang where he is?
- John the Butler: Well, I... I assumed...
- Happy McGuire: Don't go around assuming so much. It'll get you into trouble.
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': For years Annie's been lucky to me, ain't she?
- Happy McGuire: What?
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': Well, what kind of luck would I have if I passed her up at a time like this?
- Missouri Martin: [bringing in her entourage to work on Apple Annie] Say, when they get through with her, she's gonna look every bit as good as me.
- Happy McGuire: The idea is to make her look like a lady.
- Happy McGuire: Say, listen, Babcock wore out the seats of two pair of pants just sitting around on his El Fideldo.
- Judge Henry G. Blake: It was a wise old sage who said that every man over forty should be exterminated.
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': Yeah, who said that?
- Judge Henry G. Blake: I dunno, but someone should've said it.
- Apple Annie: [to a cop helping himself to an apple for free] Come around to the house sometime. I got a lot of silverwear hanging around loose.
- Shakespeare: Hey, Dude, you mind if I have an idea?
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': Yeah?
- Shakespeare: Well, this here society friend of yours, uh... Rodney Kent, he's got an apartment at The Marberry...
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': He has, so what about it? What about it? Can you picture me goin' to Rodney Kent and sayin' "Lend me your apartment for Apple Annie?" He'd throw me out on my ear.
- Shakespeare: Huh. That's just what I was gonna say. He'd throw you out on your ear.
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': Shut up abut it, then!
- Shakespeare: I was just gonna do that.
- Count Romero: Well look at this, billiards. Why did you not tell me you had a billiard room?
- Judge Henry G. Blake: Do you play?
- Count Romero: Do I play? Señor in Valencia I am champion!
- Judge Henry G. Blake: Well isn't that just. You don't say?
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': I got it, I got just the one! Judge Henry G. Blake!
- Missouri Martin: Who's he?
- Dave the Dude - 'Dave Manville': For a proposition like this we got to have a guy who talks classy don't we? Well Judge Blake is the classiest talker in town!
- Missouri Martin: [singing] Oh, honest, I'm not jokin', Since my passion began, I'm so hot I'm smokin', I want a man!
- Happy: Don't make me laugh.
- Missouri Martin: If I could make you laugh, I'd go out and get drunk.
- Happy: You couldn't make a hyena laugh!
- Happy McGuire: You probably talked them to death.
- Judge Blake: In your own vernacular my dear friend Nertz to you!
- Happy McGuire: [reading Rodney Kent's telegram in response to requesting the lending of his apartment] The whole thing sounds insane to me... but, go ahead, use the apartment. My only request is make certain no one puts mustaches on the paintings.
- Happy McGuire: You got a great racket Annie. You get a couple more suckers like the Duke, you can retire in a year.
- Apple Annie: Aw, pull up your chin, Happy. You're liable to step on it.
- Happy McGuire: Well, I give up. When Louis the Lug becomes the ambassador to Turkey, I don't wanna be around anymore.