- Johann Kesselhut: [Waiting for Rudolph Tobler to show up outside the Paradise Hotel, under the name Eduard Schultz] Tell me, my good man, how long does it take to walk to the station?
- Mr. Polter: I will get you a car, Mr. Kesselhut.
- Johann Kesselhut: I don't want a car.
- Mr. Polter: Well, you want to walk?
- Johann Kesselhut: I don't wanna walk. I want to know how long it takes.
- Mr. Polter: Well, if you don't wanna walk, what do you care how long it takes?
- Johann Kesselhut: If I wanted to walk, how long would it take?
- Mr. Polter: Well, uh, would you rather walk fast, slow, or medium?
- Mrs. Traub - Fritz's Landlady: Contests! Contests! Always you are winning contests. An electric train, a pool table - what is this to me? I want my rent.
- Fritz Hagedorn: Oh, you're forgetting, Mrs. Traub. Only last month I gave you a washing machine.
- Mrs. Traub - Fritz's Landlady: Yes, and a refrigerator and a set of China ware, and a pair of the dachshunds, and a reducing machine. But this time, I want money.
- Mr. Bold: I said get me three Siamese kittens at once.
- Mr. Polter: Mr. Bold, even the cat is allowed 60 days to get kittens.
- Fritz Hagedorn: I was just trying to fit my skis into my compartment.
- Hilde Tobler: Well, I'm glad you told me. I thought you were trying to break my leg.
- Rudolph Tobler: Here, just make a note, Reichenbach. I want every one of those contest judges fired immediately.
- Mrs. Kunkel: Look at your face - it's as read as a beet.
- Rudolph Tobler: Well, what of it. Look at your own.
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: Did you hear that, Helena? A millionaire! I wonder what he looks like.
- Helena Meyer: When a man has that much money, what difference does it make what he looks like?
- Fritz Hagedorn: [to Rudolph Tobler who is incognito as Edward Schultz] If Mr. Tobler's half as bad as Mr. Kesselhut said he was, I'm glad I didn't meet him.
- Rudolph Tobler: [as Edward Schultz] Well, would he... .
- [Mumbles as they are joined at the table]
- William Reichenbach: If you don't mind, Mr. Tobler, I've written a slogan.
- Rudolph Tobler: Well...
- William Reichenbach, Rudolph Tobler: He who washes Tobler's way will live to wash another day.
- Rudolph Tobler: Yeah, and , uh, just make another note. One more slogan out of you and you're fired, too.
- Rudolph Tobler: [Incognito as Edward Schultz to his valet who is impersonating a wealthy industrialist] Well, Mr. Kesselhut, Mr. Hagedorn here tells me you know Mr. Tobler. What kind of a man is he?
- Johann Kesselhut: Oh, uh, a very fine gentleman.
- Fritz Hagedorn: Oh, that's all right, Mr. Kesselhut. You can trust Mr. Schultz, heh, heh. Go on, tell him about Mr. Tobler being a jackass.
- Rudolph Tobler: [Incognito as Schultz] Oh, he's a jackass, is he?
- Johann Kesselhut: Oh, well, I wouldn't say that.
- Rudolph Tobler: [as Schultz] Are you calling Mr. Hagedorn a liar?
- Fritz Hagedorn: Well, isn't there something I can do?
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: You might ask me to dance.
- Fritz Hagedorn: I hardly expected to be rewarded for my clumsiness.
- Fritz Hagedorn: You broke my skis.
- Hilde Tobler: Good! That makes us even.
- Mrs. Kunkel: Who is that man?
- Hilde Tobler: I don't know. Mirror, Kunkel.
- Mrs. Kunkel: [Holding up a mirror for her] That's the kind of riffraff you meet on these trips.
- Mrs. Kunkel: I couldn't believe my ears when Johann confessed to me.
- Hilde Tobler: Confessed? Well, you probably blackmailed him into it.
- Mrs. Kunkel: I did nothing of the sort. I merely mentioned an incident in his early life.
- Mrs. Traub - Fritz's Landlady: How much did you win?
- Fritz Hagedorn: Two weeks' vacation. A vacation, and I haven't worked in a year.
- Rudolph Tobler: For once, I want to live out of the lap of luxury. I want to see how other people live. Not by looking down form a penthouse, but on the ground, face to face with them. I wanna have fun, without the restrictions of a position or wealth.
- Johann Kesselhut: I'm beginning to comprehend, sir.
- Rudolph Tobler: I know, I know You've been with me for 30 years, you're only concerned in what is good for me, you've sacrificed your entire life to taking care of me, and... have I omitted anything?
- Mrs. Kunkel: You're not as young as you used to be...
- Rudolph Tobler: [Chiming in] Yes, therefore you must not over tax your strength. I knew I'd forgotten something.
- William Reichenbach: Sir, that's incorrect. The saying goes, "While there's life, there is hope."
- Rudolph Tobler: Well of course, you dumbhead. That's exactly the point - soap, hope - hope, soap, don't you get it?
- William Reichenbach: No, sir.
- Mrs. Kunkel: And this in case you have another dizzy spell.
- Rudolph Tobler: I haven't had a dizzy spell in three years.
- Mrs. Kunkel: Just about time for another one.
- Hilde Tobler: You know, the first time I met you, I didn't like you at all.
- Fritz Hagedorn: Go on.
- Hilde Tobler: But the second time... .I liked you as much.
- Fritz Hagedorn: In case we get killed, who are you?
- Hilde Tobler: In case we get killed, it doesn't matter.
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: You dance divinely, Edward.
- Rudolph Tobler: [Incognito as Edward Schultz] Oh, heh, I hope I'm not tiring you, Irene.
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: [as they bounce around the floor] With you it doesn't even seem like dancing.
- Fritz Hagedorn: What's that over there?
- Hilde Tobler: What?
- Fritz Hagedorn: [Pointing] There.
- Hilde Tobler: Looks like a door.
- Fritz Hagedorn: This side does. Before we jump at any conclusions, let's look at the other side.
- Hilde Tobler: Yes, then if it matches, we'll know it's a door.
- Fritz Hagedorn: That's right.
- Sepp: I'm so glad you are a rich man.
- Rudolph Tobler: Why?
- Sepp: Because as a poor man, you could never make a living.
- Mrs. Kunkel: [In bandages and an arm in a sling] I know my duty when I see it. He knows I'm here. Why hasn't he come to see me?
- Hilde Tobler: I'd say he doesn't want to see you.
- Fritz Hagedorn: I'm glad you're poor. It's not so bad, this world of ours. We may be struggling, but at least we're alive. When we taste good food, it's an adventure - not an everyday incident. When we dance or skate or have a good time, we remember it always. And we marry not blinded by doing the same thing night after night. When we fall in love, we then are loved for ourselves alone.
- Fritz Hagedorn: They call these marchones.
- Hilde Tobler: Hmmm.
- Fritz Hagedorn: If a villager or guide is taken by accident, his family builds one of these little shrines on the spot where he met his death.
- First Lawyer: The fact remains, you were seen in her room. And if you understand Latin...
- Rudolph Tobler: Well, what's Latin got to du, duh, duh, the whole thing is not.. it .. "
- [Trails off mumbling]
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: Are you staying for the season, Mr. Hagedorn?
- Fritz Hagedorn: I'm afraid not - my limit's two weeks. And you?
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: Well, that all depends. You see, I just keep running away from loneliness. Ever since my husband, uh...
- Fritz Hagedorn: You husband?
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: Yes. He was taken from me three years ago. When I was just a child.
- Fritz Hagedorn: Dead?
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: No, divorced.
- Mrs. Kunkel: [to Johann Kesselhut, on the ski slope] Someone's got to go after them - since you're not man enough.
- Rudolph Tobler: [Incognito, as Edward Schultz] Well, here's to our vacations. May we all get what we're after.
- Fritz Hagedorn: I can't understand the management giving me these rooms. Kittens, brandy, hot bricks, heh...
- Rudolph Tobler: Yeah, well, perhaps they think that you're a millionaire in disguise.
- [They both laugh]
- Rudolph Tobler: [On the phone] Yeah, well what about the Palace Hotel - have you bought it?
- William Reichenbach: [On the phone] No, sir, but there's a chain of hotels in Romania.
- Rudolph Tobler: What? No, I don't want a chain of hotels in Romania. I don't want any restaurants in Yugoslavia. I want the Palace Hotel. Buy it! Buy it if you have to buy up the whole mountain to get it.
- Sepp: It's only when people don't like each other that they gotta have lotsa rooms. Just like a boy and a girl. If they're in love, one chair is plenty.
- Mrs. Irene Mallebre: [At the costume ball dinner table] My dear Mrs. Kunkel, what an original costume. What do you represent, a wounded soldier?
- Rudolph Tobler: [Incognito as Edward Schultz] It looks more like a wounded spy to me.
- Mrs. Kunkel: It's not a costume. I was hurt.
- Rudolph Tobler: You're lucky. Spies are usually shot.
- [Everyone laughs]
- Rudolph Tobler: [Looking at Johann Kesselhut dressed as an admiral] Yes, and as for admirals, they're very often sunk.
- [Everyone laughs]
- Rudolph Tobler: You mustn't worry, Hilde. If he really loves you, it won't matter even if you are wealthy. And, after all, he must make some sacrifices.
- Rudolph Tobler, Mrs. Kunkel: You know, you have to thank Kunkel for this. You'd have lost him if she hadn't fainted.
- Mrs. Kunkel: [Opens her eye] Who said I fainted?
- Fritz Hagedorn: So, that's why you hired me - to buy me for your daughter. Well, you can't do it. I'm through.
- Fritz Hagedorn, Hilde Tobler: Suppose somebody should ask me who you are. What do I tell 'em?
- Hilde Tobler: Tell 'em you don't know.