The Caine Mutiny (1954)
Van Johnson: Lt. Steve Maryk
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Quotes
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[Greenwald staggers into the Caine crew's party, inebriated]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : Well, well, well! The officers of the Caine in happy celebration!
Lt. Steve Maryk : What are you, Barney, kind of tight?
Lt. Barney Greenwald : Sure. I got a guilty conscience. I defended you, Steve, because I found the wrong man was on trial.
[pours himself a glass of wine]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : So, I torpedoed Queeg for you. I *had* to torpedo him. And I feel sick about it.
[drinks wine]
Lt. Steve Maryk : Okay, Barney, take it easy.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : You know something? When I was studying law, and Mr. Keefer here was writing his stories, and you, Willie, were tearing up the playing fields of dear old Princeton, who was standing guard over this fat, dumb, happy country of ours, eh? Not us. Oh, no, we knew you couldn't make any money in the service. So who did the dirty work for us? QUEEG did! And a lot of other guys - tough, sharp guys, who didn't crack up like Queeg.
Ensign Willie Keith : But no matter what, Captain Queeg endangered the ship and the lives of the men.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : He didn't endanger anybody's life; YOU did, *all* of you! You're a fine bunch of officers.
Lt. JG H. Paynter Jr. : You said yourself he cracked.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : I'm glad you brought that up, Mr. Paynter, because that's a very pretty point. You know, I left out one detail in the court martial. It wouldn't have helped our case any.
[to Maryk]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : Tell me, Steve, after the Yellowstain business, Queeg came to you guys for help and you turned him down, didn't you?
Lt. Steve Maryk : [hesitant] Yes, we did.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : [to Paynter] You didn't approve of his conduct as an officer - he wasn't WORTHY of your loyalty! So you turned on him. You ragged him - you made up songs about him. If you'd given Queeg the loyalty he needed, do you suppose the whole issue would have come up in the typhoon?
[to Maryk]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : You're an honest man, Steve, I'm asking you. You think it would've been necessary for you to take over?
Lt. Steve Maryk : [hesitant] It probably wouldn't have been necessary.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : [muttering slightly] There!
Ensign Willie Keith : [horror-stricken] If that's true, then we *were* guilty.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : Ah, you're learning, Willie! You're learning that you don't work with a captain because you like the way he parts his hair; you work with him because *he's GOT* the job, or you're no good! Well, the case is over. You're all safe. It was like shooting fish in a barrel.
[long pause; strides toward Keefer]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : And now we come to the man who *should* have stood trial. The Caine's favorite author. The Shakespeare whose testimony nearly sunk us all. Tell 'em, Keefer!
Lieutenant Tom Keefer : [stiff and overcome with guilt] No, you go ahead. You're telling it better.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : You ought to read his testimony. He never even heard of Captain Queeg!
Lt. Steve Maryk : Let's forget it, Barney!
Lt. Barney Greenwald : Queeg was sick; he couldn't help himself. But you, you're *real* healthy. Only you didn't have one tenth the guts that HE had!
Lieutenant Tom Keefer : Except I never fooled myself, Mr. Greenwald.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : I'm gonna drink a toast to you, Mr. Keefer.
[pours wine in a glass]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : From the beginning you hated the Navy. And then you thought up this whole idea. And you managed to keep your skirts nice, and starched, and clean, even in the court martial. Steve Maryk will always be remembered as a mutineer. But you, you'll publish your novel, you'll make a million bucks, you'll marry a big movie star, and for the rest of your life you'll live with your conscience, if you have any. Now here's to the *real* author of "The *Caine* Mutiny." Here's TO you, Mr. Keefer.
[splashes wine in Keefer's face]
Lt. Barney Greenwald : If you wanna do anything about it, I'll be outside. I'm a lot drunker than you are, so it'll be a fair fight.
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Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg : Anyone notice anything peculiar about Seaman First Class Urban? A shirt-tail hanging out of trousers is, I believe, regulation uniform for a bus boy, *not,* however, for a sailor in the United States Navy. These are some of the things we're going to start noticing again. Mr. Maryk, who is the morale officer?
Lt. Steve Maryk : We don't have one, sir.
Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg : Who, then, is the junior ensign?
Lt. Steve Maryk : Keith, sir.
Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg : Mr. Keith, you are now appointed the morale officer. In addition to your other duties, you are to see that shirttails are tucked inside trousers.
Lt. Keith : Aye, aye, sir.
Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg : If I see one more shirttail flapping while I'm captain of this ship - woe betide the sailor; woe betide the OOD; and woe betide the morale officer, I kid you not!
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Lt. Steve Maryk : Will you take our case?
Lt. Barney Greenwald : I'd much rather prosecute.
Lt. Steve Maryk : [disappointed] Well, I guess I can't blame you.
Lt. Barney Greenwald : [in a more friendly tone] I'll take your case.
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Ens. Willis 'Willie' Seward Keith : How do we plead?
Barney Greenwald : Your case depends on Maryk.
Lt. Steve Maryk : Well then how do I plead?
Barney Greenwald : [oozing sarcasm] Not guilty, of COURSE! You're a great Naval hero!
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Lt. Tom Keefer : [Tom Keefer introducing Willie Keith to Steve Maryk] Steve's our fireball, the guy who gets things done. There's one on every ship.
Lt. Steve Maryk : [not amused] Very funny.
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Lt. Steve Maryk : [Grabbing a Bible] That's the straight dope!
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Lt. Steve Maryk : Stillwell, steady as she goes! Willie, note the time. Captain, with respect, you're in no state to give orders at this time. Effective immediately, I'm relieving you as CO of this ship under Article One-Eighty-Four.
Captain Queeg : I don't know what you're talking about! Helmsman! Left, one-eighty!
Petty Officer 1st Class Stillwell : Mr. Keith, what do I do? *You're* the Officer of the Deck!
Captain Queeg : I told you to come left; so come left, and NOW!
Lt. Steve Maryk : I'm sorry, sir, but you're not issuing any further orders on this bridge. I've relieved you of command. I take full responsibility.
Captain Queeg : Mr. Maryk, you're under arrest! Go below to your cabin! Left to one-eighty!
Lt. Steve Maryk : Helmsman, right standard rudder. Come to new course zero-zero-zero.
Petty Officer 1st Class Stillwell : Mr. Keith! What do I *do*?
Ensign Willie Keith : Come north, Stillwell. Lieutenant Maryk is in charge now.
Captain Queeg : Mr. Keith, call your relief! You're under arrest, too!
Lt. Steve Maryk : [DELETED LINE] No, sir; YOU are. Ensign Keith, please escort Mr. Queeg to his cabin.
Ensign Willie Keith : [DELETED LINE] Yes, sir. Captain, please come along peacefully. Otherwise, it'll be the brig for you.
Captain Queeg : [DELETED LINE] How dare you! You'll hang for this, all of you! *Do you hear me?* YOU'LL ALL HANG! *I KID YOU NOT...!*
[Keith marches him from the bridge]
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Captain DeVriess : Very decent of you to join us for lunch, Tom. I didn't think you could spare the time.
Lt. Keefer : Well, my novel will suffer, but even the greatest of literary artists gets hungry.
Lt. Maryk : Pull up a chair, Tom, and cast some pearls before the swine, or whatever it is you say you do.
Lt. Keefer : I will! Somebody has to protect these fresh, eager young faces from the captain's badgering.
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Lt. Keith : [after a dressing down by the captain] I understand, sir.
Captain DeVriess : I don't think you do, but whether you like it or not, Keith, you're in the junkyard navy. Steve, put him with Keifer in Communications and tell Tom when he's free to show this... Princeton Tiger and our other new ensign around the ship.
Lt. Maryk : Yes sir.
Captain DeVriess : And Keith? Don't take it so hard. War is hell.
