Carry on Teacher (1959)

Kenneth Williams: Edwin Milton

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Bean : My beautiful, wrecked, piano!

  Edwin Milton : Does that mean you won't be able to finish composing the music for the play?

  Michael Bean : Real composers don't require pianos, it is all in the mind.

  Edwin Milton : Best place for it.

  Michael Bean : Never wanted my music, have you?

  Edwin Milton : Well, Tchaikovsky would have done me, if I'd *had* to have music at all. Personally...

  Michael Bean : Out with it, what's your objection? Come on, let's have all of it, come on let's have it!

  Edwin Milton : All right it's already my Herculian task to coax anything like audability from these children. If, in addition, I have to cope with an orchestra that makes a lullaby sound like the climax to 1812...

  Michael Bean : You can hear a pin drop during that choir passage.

  Edwin Milton : And I'd rather!

• [Grace Short believes that the answer to all problems with children is to cane them] 

  Grace Short : There's only one thing to do - WHACK!

  Edwin Milton : Extraordinary theory - you bend a child double in order to get an upright character.