The Notorious Landlady (1962)

Jack Lemmon: William 'Bill' Gridley

Photos 

2 more photos

Quotes 

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Sir, if I may, I don't think you're taking the proper share of the blame...

  Franklyn Ambruster : Gridley, you will learn that the higher your position, the more mistakes you're allowed. In fact, if you make enough of them, it's considered your style. Now you happen to be in what I would call a one-mistake position, and you've made it.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : I'm a Democrat from New England - I have no prejudices.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, I hate a fickle killer, don't you?

• Inspector Oliphant : There are ways of gettin' women to reveal their inner most secrets. I mean, the more - eh - familiar you are with her the better the chances are of gettin' her to the moment of truth.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : What are you getting at?

  Inspector Oliphant : Well, eh, well, what's coming through.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : You want me to be a male Mata Hari?

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Everything's beautiful when the truth finally comes to you.

  Stranger : [Wearing a priest's colar]  Do you mind if I use that in my text next Sunday?

• Franklyn Ambruster : What's the dope on the character you followed?

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Oh, the character I followed turned out to be a minister and let's hope I didn't upset his boss by trailing him.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : To put it plainly, Mr. Gridley, I have a dubious reputation.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : You do?

  [knowing the asking price was 40 pounds] 

  William 'Bill' Gridley : I'll pay you 45 pounds a month.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Not that kind of dubious.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : [looks around at the fog]  Are you sure this country isn't on fire somewhere?

• Franklyn Ambruster : We go where we can serve, not necessarily where we can amuse ourselves.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Oh, I wasn't complaining, sir.

  Franklyn Ambruster : Of course not.

• Franklyn Ambruster : Be prepared to give us a report on the report in the morning.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Right, sir.

• Flower Woman : You're a lucky woman ma'am, to have such a thoughtful husband.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Oh, he's not my husband.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : No, we just live together.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : First, I'd like to talk to you about signing a hundred year lease.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : That's fine with me if you pay in advance.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke , William 'Bill' Gridley : I like dancing with you.

  [laugh] 

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : You didn't learn to mambo like this in Saudi Arabia.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : No, South America. Student riot.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Hmmm?

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, you had to move something or everything was over.

• Franklyn Ambruster : If you foul up, Gridley, I'll have you back in the Sahara so fast you'll think London was a mirage.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : In other words, if she knows I know, I go.

  Franklyn Ambruster : That's exactly right. And I hope you haven't taken to talking in rhyme.

• Franklyn Ambruster : ...she couldn't possibly have done it.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : [Pointing at himself excitedly and nodding his head]  That's your discovery?

  Franklyn Ambruster : With you, it was an opinion. With me, it's a conviction.

• Franklyn Ambruster : I'm hanging up as soon as I get my foot out of my mouth. Did I call you at an inopportune moment again?

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Most inopportune, sir.

  Franklyn Ambruster : Then you have my full permission to hang up on me.

• Franklyn Ambruster : Gridley, speaking not as a man, but as a member of the United States government, you have exactly one hour to get your things out of that house.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : That's wrong, sir. I have half an hour. She just threw me out.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : [to Mrs. Hardwicke, pretending to be a maid]  Believe me, I'd do nothing to harm her reputation, as long as you're around.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : [pretending to be the maid]  In there's the bedroom.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Yeah, that certainly is, isn't it. Is she, your employer, due back soon?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Oh, any bloomin' minute, now!

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Do you sleep in?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : In and out, off and on,

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Catch as catch can.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : You might call it that.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : We are both displaced persons, right? But, I don't have a place.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Look, Mrs. Hardwicke, I appeal to you as a fellow American. Don't I appeal to you? Huh?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : [hands Gridley the flat keys]  It's your funeral. I might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, yes. Mrs. H, you made a wise decision.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : I hope so.

• Franklyn Ambruster : I understand you've been in Saudi Arabia.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Yes.

  Franklyn Ambruster : I was there myself once. Quite a stimulating two weeks.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, thank you. I was there for two years, sir. Time changes your point of view.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : [pretending to be the maid]  Per'aps it'll be alright to just look.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Good girl.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : But don't get your 'opes up. She won't let you 'ave it.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Oh, isn't this very nice. Hey, immaculate. I guess that's thanks to you. Mrs Hardwicke's lucky to have you. Anybody'd be lucky to have you.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : What do you say we have our first drink up in my remarkable new flat?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Hmm. Jolly good idea. Especially sense you've got the only bottle of Scotch. I found it when I was unpacking your things. They do that in England, you know.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Oh, do they, now?

• Franklyn Ambruster : I have yet to meet the Landlady one invites out to dinner.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Oh, well, she's an American. She's - well, may I speak off the record, sir?

  Franklyn Ambruster : You may.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : I would say, confidentially that she's about 36-23-36.

  Franklyn Ambruster : That would sound good even on the record.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : I hope I did this right.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Its impossible for you to do anything wrong.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Why don't we wait and see.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : You're bound to be a very successful diplomat.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, behind every man's success there's a woman like you - if, the man is lucky.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : And what do you know about me? Maybe I could ruin you.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, I'm willing to make allowances. After all, compromise is the cornerstone of diplomacy.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Tell me, what about you is so dangerous?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Nothing - tonight.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Bill, what will you do at the Embassy?

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Oh, I'll probably spend most of my time getting reservations on ships an planes for VIPs and arrange their visas and I'll be checking tariff schedules on *fascinating* things, like hemp, tennis balls. And then I'll just move on to become Secretary of State. I figure I'm too old to be President.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Oh, well I better hang onto your bed. Someday I can say William Gridley slept here.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : It certainly is convenient, isn't it? Living in the same house. I mean, it saves cab fare and all that.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Here you are. Delivered safely.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : You're dropping me at my door?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Eh-hmm.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, how are you going to get home?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Well, I'll feel my way.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Carly don't be a dream I'm having. Don't just disappear.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Gee, I used to play a little drums when I was in college. Maybe sometime we could - you do this very often at night?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : No, not often.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : I wouldn't mind. I love organ music.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : To me there's something about the tone that's almost like the sound of eternity.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Yeah. Do you know "My Funny Valentine"?

• Inspector Oliphant : Do keep a sharp lookout for your own personal safety. I mean, whoever killed Mr. Hardwicke, might easily strike again, you know.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : I'll check all my kidney pies for poison!

• William 'Bill' Gridley : Maybe they think we're burning state secrets.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Or, little witches.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : This was not Carly's fault.

  Franklyn Ambruster : Stop worrying about Mrs. Bluebeard.

• Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Men in public office they - they can't afford to be involved in a scandal.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, they can if the scandal looks like you.

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : You don't want a scandal with me. You see, if your name should ever be linked with mine, it would just...

  William 'Bill' Gridley : If you're worried about the policeman, forget it. It's all taken care of. Diplomatic immunity. You know, it saves you from everything from parking tickets to murder.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : I adore you. If you'd killed three husbands, I'd still love you.

• Bailiff : I have here a police report stating that subsequent to your renting the flat, you took Mrs. Hardwicke dining and dancing?

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Well, why not say dining, dancing and *drinkng*. That makes it sound worse.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : What are you doing?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : I'm taking a bath.

  William 'Bill' Gridley : Could you explain why you're taking a bath at a time like this?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Because I feel - *dirty*.

• William 'Bill' Gridley : How did you wind up in London?

  Mrs. Carlyle Hardwicke : Oh, I came to Europe on a tour. One of those all-expense deals. It'd been a dream of mine ever sense I heard my first foreign accent. We had a ball everywhere. Rome, Madrid, Paris. And then, we came to London.