Soldier in the Rain (1963)

Tom Poston: Lt. Magee

Quotes 

• Slaughter : [On the phone, impersonating a doctor, a fictitious "Major Clawmute"]  Is that all you'll be needing, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Magee : Ah, as long as I've got you on the phone, there *is* one thing...

  Slaughter : What's the poop, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Magee : There's something on my big toe... It looks like a corn, but it's too small to be a corn.

  Slaughter : Oh, yes, we call those "semi-corns." Hah! Pesky little things, aren't they?

  Lt. Magee : Uh, anything I can do for it?

  Slaughter : I suggest you just soak your feet in sauerkraut juice.

  Lt. Magee : [Baffled]  "Sauerkraut juice"?

  Slaughter : [Grinning impishly]  Morning and night. You get a small tub, and you fill it with sauerkraut juice, and you stand in it.

  Lt. Magee : You *did* say "sauerkraut juice"?

  Slaughter : Room temperature!

  Lt. Magee : Check! Thank you, Major!

  Slaughter : Thank YOU, Lieutenant.

• Lt. Magee : What's the poop on him?

• Clay : That's not a girl. That's a man.

  Lt. Magee : Attention!

  Battalion Major : What the devil's going on here?

  Clay : Excuse me, sir. You see, I didn't want to bring a woman in the barracks. And Meltzer, here, he just volunteered.

  Battalion Major : Volunteered? To do what?

  Clay : To be a girl!

  Pfc. Jerry Meltzer : My family wants me to be a dentist.