The Wheeler Dealers (1963)

James Garner: Henry Tyroon

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Henry is complaing about how hard it is to get a cab in New York] 

  Feinberg : You're just like my wife, mister. You don't understand the economics of the situation.

  Henry Tyroon : Then teach me. I'm interested in the economics of about every situation.

  Feinberg : Well, there are 11,000 cabs in the city - and no new permits for the next twenty-five years. Now suppose you wanna buy a cab and start hackin'... you gotta get a new permit, too. Now the tab on a new permit is eighteen thousand five hundred on the open market.

  Henry Tyroon : And how much did your cab cost, Mister

  [looks at driver's ID] 

  Henry Tyroon : Feinberg?

  Feinberg : Thirty-three hundred... new.

  Henry Tyroon : Mm-hmm. Then that makes your investment, uh, with the permit, come to about $22,000.

  Feinberg : Yeah. But don't tell my wife... she'll think I'm rich.

  Henry Tyroon : Mm-hmm. Mr. Feinberg, I'll give you $24,000 for your cab and permit.

  Feinberg : You wanna buy the cab?

  Henry Tyroon : Right. But you come along with it. I'll need your services for a week, maybe two.

  Feinberg : No, look, mister, I can't sell the cab. I need it.

  Henry Tyroon : Well, I figured that. So, when I leave I'll sell it back to you for... $22,000.

  Feinberg : You wanna lose two grand just to keep your feet dry when it starts to rain?

  Henry Tyroon : I don't lose, Mr. Feinberg. See, I borrow the money and then I get a deduction on the loan interest and another on the depreciation and another on the loss when I sell it back to you. And you make a nice profit.

  Feinberg : You win and I win. Uh-uh, there's gotta be a loser somewhere.

  Henry Tyroon : Taxman loses. He usually does on a Henry Tyroon deal.

  Feinberg : Mister, you've just got yourself a taxi.

• Henry Tyroon : You don't go wheelin' 'n' dealin' for money. You do it for fun. Money's just the way you keep score.

• Molly Thatcher : I don't understand. How can you buy something when you don't even know what it is?

  Ray J. Fox : Well, you see, ma'am, Henry here is a real wheeler dealer. And a wheeler dealer is somebody that loves to find places for money to go. It's like hitchin' on to a star. You may zoom up to the sky on a mighty pretty ride.

  Molly Thatcher : And if the star falls?

  Henry Tyroon : Well, then I find some way for the, uh, government to take three-quarters of the loss.

  Jay R. Spinelby : You see, Miss Thatcher, that's the mark of a REAL wheeler dealer.

• [they have discovered that Universal Widgets has no factory, but Molly is still supposed to sell their stock and Henry says he'll help her] 

  Molly Thatcher : Henry, you're an operator; but do you know anything about the stock market?

  Henry Tyroon : Well, I know the stock market is money and emotion. There's hope when you start out, greed on the way up, fear on the way down. I know that, uh, the stock market is people... and if there's anything you can't sell people, I've yet to find out what it is. These people need a reason to buy. The beauty of it is: the reason doesn't have to make sense.

  Molly Thatcher : You're not thinking of anything illegal are you?

  Henry Tyroon : I'm never illegal. I'm just close to it.

• [Henry's latest oilwell has come in a "duster"] 

  Billy Joe : Well, you can't sell dust, Henry. So you better hightail it up to the big city and get yourself some shoppin' money quick. Yes.

  Henry Tyroon : Billy Joe, is money all you ever think about?

  Billy Joe : Henry, I am an accountant. I'm supposed to think about money. So you go on up north and raise one million two startin' right now, or you're broke. Yes. Henry, you're a rich man... and a rich man can't afford to go broke.

• Henry Tyroon : [Explaining to Jay Ray, Ray Jay, and J.R., his reason for buying a large batch of expressionist paintings as an investment]  Boys, did you ever hear of a fella named Renoir? Of course you have. Once upon a time, this fella Renoir, he painted pictures. And he couldn't sell them to save his life. He gave them away for his supper. Sold some for 50 cents. Why? That's 'cause they was all kind of fuzzy. And people laughed. People weren't ready for fuzzy pictures. Do you know what one of those fuzzy old Renoirs will bring today? Mm-hmm. One million dollars. Now, I know. You're gonna say that these pictures don't look fuzzy. They look scratchy. Well, I may be wrong, but when people get ready for scratchy pictures, these are gonna go up, right through the ceiling.

• Thaddeus Whipple : Young lady, I don't know why you're up here fussing about our stock. We Whipples control it anyway. We haven't made a widget since 1854. Any fool knows that. Flying clippers went out years ago.

  Molly Thatcher : But you must make something?

  Thaddeus Whipple : Why?

  Henry Tyroon : Well, it seems to me, if you don't make something, you've got no call to stay in business.

  Thaddeus Whipple : I'm a busy man, and I'd like this to be the last word on the subject. Our company owns just two things: that bog out there and some stock we bought. Only thing that keeps us from dissolving the corporation is my brother Lemuel says we'd have to pay a tax on the stock.

  Molly Thatcher : I don't understand.

  Henry Tyroon : Well, what Mr. Whipple is saying is that when they went out of widget production, they took whatever was left in the treasury and invested it in another stock. And that's where it is now.

  Thaddeus Whipple : That's right. We bought American Telephone and Telegraph just before the war.

  Henry Tyroon : Back in the '30s?

  Thaddeus Whipple : The day before they sank the "Lusitania".

  Henry Tyroon : [incredulous]  You bought AT&T in 1915?

  Molly Thatcher : You have a fortune in hidden assets!

  Thaddeus Whipple : Young lady, don't you fuss with our stock. It's selling now just about the way it ought to. Uh, you'd better go on home and get yourself a husband... and a cookbook.