Advance to the Rear (1964)

Glenn Ford: Captain Heath

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Quotes 

• Martha Lou : All right. Let's say, just for the moment, that I *am* a spy.

  Heath : A very pretty one, too.

  Martha Lou : That would make us enemies, Jared.

  Heath : Yeah, of course it would. And, we'd be starting out at a point in marriage that takes some couples twenty or thirty years to achieve!

• Martha Lou : Well, aren't you something? First you break into my cabin with that disgusting display of animal lust. Then you accuse me of being a spy. And now, all of a sudden, I'm the only girl in the world for you.

  Heath : Well, that's the way it goes, sometimes.

  Martha Lou : Well, that's not the way it's going to go this time. So, you just better pull yourself and put me outta your evil little mind.

  Heath : It's a little late for that, isn't it?

• Martha Lou : Do you always just stand calmly by when you see a lady being molested?

  Heath : Oh, you'd be surprised how few ladies I've seen molested. Matter of fact, the last time was about seven years ago.

  Martha Lou : Well, what did you do then?

  Heath : Well, I, uh... I walks over to her and asks if I could be of some assistance, and she just slaps my face, like you did to that fella there. Told me to mind my own business.

  Martha Lou : Oh.

  Heath : Then this fella she's with, he starts to workin' me over, and between the two of 'em, they convert me to mindin' my own business, once and for all.

• Heath : Well, I've been out on patrol, sir. And, as a matter of fact, we brought you back some prisoners.

  Col. Claude Brackenbury : Prisoners?

  Heath : Yes, sir.

  Col. Claude Brackenbury : Who told you to go out after prisoners?

  Heath : Well, nobody told me, sir.

  Col. Claude Brackenbury : Well... Well... Take 'em back!

  Heath : Take 'em back?

  Col. Claude Brackenbury : You heard me! Take 'em back!

• Col. Claude Brackenbury : Which one of us graduated from West Point? Just answer me that.

  Heath : You... uh... graduated from West Point, sir.

  Col. Claude Brackenbury : You bet I did. And how many times have I warned you against showing any initiative?

  Heath : Oh, it must be up in the thousands, sir.

• Easy Jenny : Say, you're not interested in her, are you?

  Heath : Not in the way you mean, Jenny.

  Easy Jenny : What other way is there?

• Heath : Well, the whole thing kind of snowballed, General. I see Col. Brackenbury, he's headin' for the rear, I run after him to see what's wrong. When I turn around, I see the men, they're headin' for the rear too. And the first thing I know, everybody's more to the rear than I am. Well, you know, I felt kind of exposed naked, sittin' out there all by myself.

• Heath : Well, you're just about everything I've been lookin' for in a woman, so, even though you are a Confederate spy, I guess I'm just going to have to forgive you.

  Martha Lou : What do you mean I'm everything you've looked for?

  Heath : Well, not everything - but, you're close enough.

• Col. Claude Brackenbury : That isn't what we were sent here to do. Heath, make those women dismount.

  Heath : Sergeant.

  Sgt. Beauregard Davis : Dismount!

• Col. Claude Brackenbury : Now look, Heath. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about what happened last night.

  Heath : Wrong idea? Oh, you mean the nice old Captain Brackenbury and the naughty little girl business.

• Martha Lou : Well, all right. Unhook me, will you.

  Heath : Well, aren't you going to scream or anything?

  Martha Lou : Scream? For what?

  Heath : That's right. No need to play games. After all, we've both been around.

• Heath : May I have permission to take Miss Williams riding, sir?

  Col. Claude Brackenbury : Yes, yes, I suppose so. But, I must say, Heath, I *fail* to understand what a charming young lady like Miss Williams can find to talk about to you.

  Heath : Well, I'm teaching her what I know about close order drills, sir.

• Col. Claude Brackenbury : Lieutenant, what are the men doing in those bushes?

  Heath : Well, let's see now, what could a bunch of men be doing in the bushes?