Help! (1965)

John Lennon: John

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [At Scotland Yard] 

  John : Hold on, it's them! Only me and Paul know we're here.

  George : I know we're here.

• Bhuta : [in the Indian restaurant, referring to Ringo]  Excuse me, sirs, but if he is to be sacrificed before the dread Kaili, why is he not painted red?

  John : That's a question I'll never be able to pluck up the courage to ask but as he's me best friend I will.

• Ringo : What was it that first attracted you to me?

  John : Well, you're very polite, aren't you?

• John : [finding a season ticket in his soup]  What's this?

  Ringo : A season ticket. What do you think it is?

  John : Oh. I like a lot of seasoning in me soup.

• [One of Clang's men is choking John] 

  John : Get off!

  [George jumps in to help, but Clang's man falls aside. George ends up choking John] 

  John : It's me, you fool!

  George : [Still choking John]  Oh, sorry!

  John : Well, stop it!

• Ringo : The Fire Brigade once got my head out of some railings.

  John : Did you want them to?

  Ringo : No, I used to leave it there when I wasn't using it for school. You can see a lot of the world from railings.

• Clang : [offering a bagful of gold]  Psst! Hey, Be-a-tle! You shall have fun, yes?

  John : No thanks, I'm rhythm guitar and mouth organ.

• Superintendent : So this is the famous ring?

  Ringo : I'm in fear of me life, you know!

  Superintendent : And these are the famous Beatles?

  John : So this is the famous Scotland Yard, eh?

  Superintendent : And how long do you think you'll last?

  John : Can't say fairer than that. The Great Train Robbery, eh? How's that going?

• John : [to Ringo whose arm is trapped inside a mail box]  What are you doing?

  Ringo : Posting a letter.

• [Ringo's hand is trapped in the sandwich dispenser] 

  Ringo : Hey someone's got hold of me finger!

  John : Are you trying to attract attention again?

• Ahme : [to Ringo, holding a syringe]  This will make your finger shrink. Be brave.

  John : Don't look.

  Ahme : [into the camera]  Alas, if he were brave, this would not be necessary.

• John : Stop dragging things down to your own level, it's immature son.

  Ringo : I thought, Well I... I thought she was a sandwich, 'til she went spare on me hand.

• Cameo : Boys, are you buzzing?

  John : No thanks, I've got the car!

  Cameo : No no no. I'll have to play it back. You'll have to do it again!

  [He plays the recording back so they can hear the buzzing sound] 

  John : Is that you?

  Paul : No.

  George : Well don't look at me.

  [Ringo and his drums crash through the sawn-through floor to the room below] 

  John : That was you buzzing! You naughty boy!

• [after a failed attempt to steal Ringo's ring] 

  Ringo : Hey! You've been messing about with me in my kip!

  John : Eh?

  Ringo : No, I mean, you know, with a fishing rod.

  John : I wouldn't touch it with a plastic one. What are you doing on the floor?

  Ringo : I'm tired.

• [Ringo is trapped in a cellar with a tiger] 

  Superintendent : Good lord, it's Rajah, the famous Bengal man-eater who escaped from London Zoo this morning.

  John : Good Lord! So it famous is!

  Superintendent : Oh, don't worry, he's absolutely harmless. All you have to do is sing Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" from the famous Ninth Symphony in D minor.

  John : Of course! Why didn't you think of that you twit!

• George : [referring to a drill coming through a painting]  What's that?

  Austrian Waiter : What's what?

  George : That little whirly thing coming out of his stomach.

  Austrian Waiter : I can't look!

  [a hose comes through the whole the drill made] 

  John : It's only a hose.

  [the waiter faints as the Beatles investigate the hose] 

  Paul : [listens into the hose then hands it to John]  It's for you.

  John : Who is it?

  Paul : The gardener.

• John : Get me the Home Office. He's wrecking my home!

• John : Oh, why don't you chop it off, Ringo?

  Ringo : Look John, I've had some great times with this finger.

  [to Paul] 

  Ringo : And how do you know I wouldn't miss it?

  Paul : You're a rat underneath, aren't you?

• [to an Indian man standing on his head] 

  John : Doesn't the blood rush to your head Sir?

  [In the restaurant kitchen] 

  George : Doesn't the eastern flavor come rather expensive?

  [Paul to belly dancer] 

  Paul : Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?

• Superintendent : Oh come on now lads, don't be windy, where's that famous pluck?

  John : I haven't got any, have you George?

  George : Did have.

  Paul : I have had.

  Ringo : I will have! Lead on!

• Ringo : There's more here than meets the eye!

  George : Ho ho.

  John : Ho.

  George : Ho ho.

  John : Ho.

  George : Ho ho ho

  John : Ho ho!

  George : Ho ho.

  John : Huh ho.

• John : [George has just passed out from seeing the size of Ahme's hypodermic needle]  Now see what you've done with your filthy Eastern ways!

  Ahme : No! It is Clang, the high priest, who is filthy in his Eastern ways.

  John : How do we know you're not just as filthy, and sent by him to nick the ring by being filthy when you've lulled us with your filthy Eastern ways?

  Paul : What filthy ways are these?

• John : There's somebody been in this soup.

• John : How do you feel?

  [puts light bulb to Ringo's mouth like a microphone] 

  Ringo : I used to use my hands.

  John : [speaks into "microphone" in funny voice]  He used to use his hands.

• George : [referring to Ringo's finger]  Hey, there might be some insurance.

  John : I wouldn't think of such a thing!

  [whispering] 

  John : Find out, eh?

• [Hypnotism attempt over the phone from a public phone box] 

  Clang : Go to the window.

  John : Hey! It's them!

  [the Beatles block their ears] 

  Clang : Go to the window, Go to the window, Go to the window, Go to the window.

• [In disguise at the airport. Newspapers have discovered their destination] 

  Ringo : Okay, who let it out?

  John : Nobody'll know!

  Paul : We're not going there.

  John : We just put it 'round we're going there.

  Paul : We're not going there!

  John : We just put it 'round we're going there!

  George : Just so everybody'd think we were going there.

  Ringo : I'd like to go there.

  John : You wouldn't like it.

  Ringo : Where are we going, then?

  John : Never you mind.

• [Paul tracking foot prints] 

  Paul : Easterner with greasy feet speak with fork tongue.

  John : Does he? What's he say?

  Paul : Passing this way, hot foot, many moons to temple.

  George : Don't encourage him. You've got the part Paul!

  John : Dare we ask how you know?

  Ringo : How?

  Paul : How? I saw these footprints and this guide book which points out places of local worship.

  John : To the temple!

• Professor Foot : Voltage, Voltage! Up up. Up up

  Paul : Up, up.

  John : Up

  Ringo : Are you sure I'm earthed?

  Algernon : Oh no! Er, hold on, thank you.

• Engineer : Boys! Are you buzzing?

  John : No thanks, we've got the car!

• John : Must be their tea break!

  [after Queen's Guards collapse from gas] 

• John : Let's go back and get 'em, eh?

  Ringo : Hey, no, they'll disembowel us!

  John : Not if I get the boot in first!