- Dr. Lauren Boullard: Mr Chadwick! Mr Chadwick!
- Paul Chadwick: [emerging from his hiding place] Oh! It's you. I wasn't sure
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: Hiding in the closet isn't going to cure you. There's only one thing that will - you're going out tonight
- Paul Chadwick: Out there? They'll get me!
- Etienne, Restaurant Proprietor: Two people armed, suspicious, disliking each other - what have you got?
- Michel Boullard: Marriage - American style.
- Paul Chadwick: Dorothy, if a father ever asks you to romance his daughter, turn him down.
- Dorothy: You have my word.
- Mrs. Ruthledge: Did you see that, Calvin? Kissing, at nine in the morning, and practically inviting him to her bedroom. You won't find women like that in Cedar Rapids...
- Mr. Calvin Ruthledge: ...No matter how hard you try
- Michel Boullard: Mr Chadwick, many years ago in my youth, wanting to taste all of life's pleasures, I did a very foolhardy thing... I bit into a marriage licence
- Paul Chadwick: A lot of good men have choked on that
- Michel Boullard: [having coffee poured into his cup] Thank you. She was an American. Oh, it was an ideal marriage - until we left the wedding chapel
- Paul Chadwick: That's as much happiness as any man has the right to expect
- Michel Boullard: It was raining. Her gown got wet. And somehow she made me feel that I had failed in my first act as a husband; I had permitted the rain to fall
- Paul Chadwick: She lost confidence. If you couldn't stop the rain, what would you do if an earthquake came?
- Michel Boullard: I continued to fail her when she needed me most. Where was I when the pilot light went out on the stove? When her car ran out of gas? And what was I doing at the office, the day the plumbing got clogged?
- Paul Chadwick: An American husband would never be at the office when the plumbing got clogged - he'd rush home to share it with his wife
- Michel Boullard: Then, one evening, we were sitting there enjoying a delightful dinner, when suddenly, my wife spoiled everything...
- Paul Chadwick: ...She showed up
- Michel Boullard: How did you know I was with another woman?
- Paul Chadwick: You said you were enjoying dinner, didn't you?
- Michel Boullard: Oh, it was a harmless flirtation. I tried to explain to my wife. But all she could do was stand there - and say, 'Well'! It would not have helped to have dropped a thousand apologies into that well
- Paul Chadwick: A wife's well is bottomless
- Michel Boullard: Now with a French wife, when I got home I would have found her in tears - and a new negligee. But with my wife, when I knocked on the bedroom door...
- Paul Chadwick: ...you found her with her lawyer...
- Michel Boullard: ...and a travel agent
- Michel Boullard: The next morning, she and the child were on a plane back to America. Fini!
- Michel Boullard: Monsieur, a father with a daughter who is a thirty year old spinster... do you know what it means?
- Paul Chadwick: Yeah, it means that any able-bodied man who can run, walk or crawl should avoid you
- Michel Boullard: Of course, when a daughter posseses a certain innocence at eighteen, for a father it's a joy to behold. When she's twenty-one, you're still happy but, er, thoughtful. When she's twenty-five, you are no longer smiling...
- Paul Chadwick: ...It's getting grim
- Michel Boullard: When she's twenty-nine, going on thirty, what does a father do?
- Paul Chadwick: Turns to prayer. There's nothing left
- Michel Boullard: There is one hope - a man. A very special man; worldly, sophisticated. One who will gently lead her into a romantic adventure, an emotional interlude from whose fires a woman shall be born. Such a man is hard to find...
- Paul Chadwick: I will be, if you give me a ten minute head start!
- Michel Boullard: Please, Monsieur, I'm desperate. Can a man abandon his only child?
- Paul Chadwick: I think, in this case, society will forgive you
- Paul Chadwick: What does she look like now? Today? This minute?
- Michel Boullard: How does one describe inner beauty?
- Paul Chadwick: Forget the inside. Let's stay on the outside for a while
- Michel Boullard: I feel safe in saying, she's attractive
- Paul Chadwick: You feel safe? Would it be risky for anyone else to say it?
- Michel Boullard: I'm trying to be objective. You don't like heavy women?
- Paul Chadwick: No
- Michel Boullard: You like them slim...?
- Paul Chadwick: How slim?
- Michel Boullard: She's not the type of woman with the large hips and the over-developed bosoms that is so distasteful to men
- Paul Chadwick: What men?
- Michel Boullard: An animated face, expressive eyes, a dazzling smile, exceptional teeth - outstanding
- Paul Chadwick: Big
- Michel Boullard: A matter of semantics
- Paul Chadwick: She's a skinny, flat-chested girl with buckteeth. And so far you've only been talking about her good points
- Michel Boullard: She's almost 30.
- Etienne, Restaurant Proprietor: She's looking around.
- Michel Boullard: At 18 when a girl looks around, there is usually a man following her. At 30, when you look around, the only thing coming is 40.
- Paul Chadwick: I had just enlisted in the Marine Corps that morning... . Wanda was a decent girl, but in a moment of patriotism, she offered herself to me.
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: [Shifting uneasily] She offered herself to you.
- Paul Chadwick: I said, 'No!' I was a Marine now. I didn't want to do anything to besmirch the honor of the Corps. But, if I hadn't said no, she never would have jumped.
- Paul Chadwick: You miserable conniver. When you came to me with tears in your eyes pleading for a favor, you had something vile and vicious in mind.
- Etienne, Restaurant Proprietor: But you said he had to be destroyed.
- Michel Boullard: I was thinking of a normal revenge. In France, what happens? The woman shoots the man. That's civilized.
- Paul Chadwick: Oh, doctor, it's a curse, a nightmare. Do you know what it feels like to be wanted just for your body?
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: Nooo.
- Paul Chadwick: Ah, how I envy you. What I'd give to have a body nobody'd want.
- Arnold Plum: Try and control yourself. Mother doesn't like teas. She says it's a sign of weakness. That's why she left dad.
- Michel Boullard: Tell me, why don't you wear your blue suit tonight?
- Arnold Plum: It accentuates my bad posture. I have very round shoulders. She noticed that on our first date.
- Michel Boullard: You're lucky. You might have gone all through life without ever having known it.
- Arnold Plum: That's true.
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: Believe me, Mr. Chadwick - you can accomplish just as much within a group.
- Paul Chadwick: Mmm, yeah, but it makes it a little more difficult.
- Etienne, Restaurant Proprietor: Michel this is madness. Your daughter cries, so you break down and tell her the truth. In the hands of an outraged woman, that's a dangerous weapon.
- Mickey the Switchboard Operator: I always wanted to be part of a triangle. But I never thought I'd end up as the other man.
- Paul Chadwick: Married to her for life?
- Michel Boullard: Would I make such a bad father-in-law?
- Paul Chadwick: You're a slippery, cagey old fiend - but likable. I can take you as a father-in-law, but how do we keep her out of it?
- Michel Boullard: She works every day. Goes to meetings. How often would you have to see her?
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: Mr. Chadwick, not all women destroy themselves when a man refuses to make love to them.
- Paul Chadwick: I can't risk another woman.
- Etienne, Restaurant Proprietor: Michel, to reach the moon, trust an American. To reach a woman, let us put our faith in a French man.
- Arnold Plum: And if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be wearing these corrective shoes. She had the outside of all my shoes lined with lead to give me balance.
- Michel Boullard: She's done a lot for you.
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: [Finding Paul Chadwick, pretending to have been sleeping, on the couch in her office] What are you doing here?
- Paul Chadwick: I got away at dawn. The cathedral was closed, so I came here.
- Michel Boullard: For what she did, make her suffer, my son - marry her.
- Paul Chadwick: I'm being broadsided. You said 'my son' again and my stomach didn't turn. There's something evil going on and I don't know how to fight it.
- Dr. Lauren Boullard: And what is the next step? Even if a woman is standing there with no clothes on, you will be able to walk out on her.
- Paul Chadwick: That'll be the day.
- Paul Chadwick: If they were all like Mickey, the war between men and women would be over and there'd be peace.
- Harry the Taxi Driver: A guy could save a lot of money with a girl like this.
- Paul Chadwick: Yeah.
- Harry the Taxi Driver: She could wear my clothes.