- Lady Binder: But then, you've always had magnificent balls, and I wouldn't miss one of them.
- The Black Fingernail: Thank you Lady Binder.
- Desiree Dubarry: [Drinks Champagne and belches loudly]
- Camembert: Ooh! Charming!
- Desiree Dubarry: Well I can't 'elp it. It's the bubbles; they get lodged in me chest.
- Camembert: Yes. There's room for a few lodgers in there.
- The Black Fingernail: [taunting] Yooh whoo. It's me.
- Camembert: Tis he. After he.
- Bidet: After who?
- Camembert: After him.
- Bidet: After you.
- The Black Fingernail: Come, my dear, let's take a walk in the arbour.
- Desiree Dubarry: Blaimy! I didn't know we were so near the sea.
- [the Black Fingernail has rescued a French aristocrat, the Duc de Pommfrit, from the guillotine and left his calling card there]
- Citizen Robespierre: So, Citizen Head of Secret Police Camembert, the one who calls himself "The Black Fingernail" has fooled you again.
- Camembert: Oh, I wouldn't say that, citizen.
- Citizen Robespierre: Oh, you wouldn't?
- Camembert: No.
- Citizen Robespierre: [Waves paper with Black Fingernail's sign on it] This is his calling card. It was found on the guillotine after that disgraceful exhibition this afternoon.
- Camembert: Yes, that's true, but he didn't fool me. Oh no, not for one moment.
- Citizen Robespierre: [Sarcastically] He didn't? Oh, perhaps I've got the story wrong. This time he posed as an insurance salesman, correct?
- Camembert: Yes.
- Citizen Robespierre: Abducted the Duc de Pommfrit from under your very nose?
- Camembert: Yes.
- Citizen Robespierre: And tricked you into executing your own executioner?
- Camembert: Yes.
- Citizen Robespierre: [shouting] And he didn't fool you for one minute?
- Camembert: I knew who he was. I wanted to see how far he would go.
- Citizen Robespierre: Mon blooming dieu. He couldn't have gone very much further could he?
- Camembert: Oh, I don't know. We've still got the guillotine!
- [first lines]
- Narrator: Paris, 1789. The Great Revolution has begun. The hands of the masses are smeared with the blood of the poor bleeding aristocracy. Every day the tumbrels run a regular half-hour service between the Bastille and the many guillotines around the city. The growing mounds of noble heads are only matched by the growing mounds of unused return tickets. No-one is spared. Madame La Guillotine claims them all. Dukes and Duchesses, Lords and Ladies, men and women of both sexes. A dozen times an hour the drums roll, the blade falls, and the heads roll. Yes, every five minutes, a freshly sliced loaf.
- Girl: [the Duc is about to be guillotined] Your Grace, there's an urgent letter for you.
- Duc De Pommfrit: Oh, drop it in the basket, I'll read it later.
- Jacqueline: I would do anything for you. Anything. Your wish is my command; and your desire is my desire.
- The Black Fingernail: Really?
- Jacqueline: Hmm-mm.
- The Black Fingernail: Methinks, if I play my cards right, I might be on to a good thing here.
- Citizen Robespierre: Have either of you ever seen a man looking like that?
- Camembert: Well, it's marvelous what you can do with a bit of padding. If I could just have a bit of a prod...
- Citizen Robespierre: No you cannot have a bit of a prod! Imbecile! Admit it. This Fingernail has made a monkey of you, yet again.
- [last lines]
- Desiree Dubarry: Nice way to keep a bargain, I must say.
- The Black Fingernail: What's the matter with you? I promised you a title and he's got one.
- Desiree Dubarry: Hate to think what it is.
- The Black Fingernail: [laughs]
- Desiree Dubarry: I don't mind the equalities and the fraternities, but I'm not having the liberties!