Not with My Wife, You Don't! (1966)

Tony Curtis: Tom Ferris

Quotes 

• Sgt. Gilroy : THAT's Big Ben!

  Tom Ferris : See what time it is.

• Tom Ferris : Move the blocks, blockhead. Let's get this shah on the road.

• Tom Ferris : Well, your's ain't too bad.

  'Tank' Martin : Mine? I figured she was more your style.

  Tom Ferris : Mine?

  'Tank' Martin : Yeah. Rather attractive, I think.

  Tom Ferris : Yeah, if you're crazy about Thomas Jefferson.

• General Milt Walters : What's the poop on the General's new exec, eh, what's his name, Williams.

  Tom Ferris : No, sir. It's Wilson.

  General Milt Walters : Oh, yeah.

  Tom Ferris : Terrence Wilson. West Point '28. DFC. Advisor. Chief of Staff. Pentagon. First class game of bridge, sir. Golf handicap is four.

  General Milt Walters : Fine.

  Tom Ferris : Now, just a moment, sir. Excuse me. Likes Polish vodka on the rocks. Large with the ladies. Preference Blondes. As a matter of fact, preference any kind of woman, sir.

• BBC Commentator : General, BBC. Would you care to make a statement?

  Tom Ferris : Yes.

  [reciting limerick] 

  Tom Ferris : There was a young girl from East Lynn, Who daily drank four quarts of gin, When told that she shouldn't, She said that she wouldn't, Except it was good for her skin.

  BBC Commentator : Thank you, General. I know that our viewers will be deeply reassured by your words.

• Tom Ferris : A busy hand's a happy hand.

• Tom Ferris : I'm gonna be jammed right to the hatch.

  Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : How much room can it take?

  Tom Ferris : Can what take?

  Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : A little corkscrew. A corkscrew only that big. You can stick it ANYWHERE!

• Tom Ferris : You're Italian, aren't you.

  Juiletta 'Julie' Peroni : Yes.

  Tom Ferris : But, you're blonde.

  Juiletta 'Julie' Peroni : It's not allowed?

  Tom Ferris : Oh, I'm not complaining. But, it's just that I never think of brunettes as blondes. I - I mean Italian. I - I mean it's usually more one way than the other. I mean, whatever the other way was, I like it better your way. Yes, that's what I mean.

• Tom Ferris : Arrivederci. That's Italian.

  Juiletta 'Julie' Peroni : Go to sleep. That's English.

• Tom Ferris : I loved your voice, but, now that I can see, I love where it comes from.

  Juiletta 'Julie' Peroni : I think you're pulling my foot.

  Tom Ferris : You mean, your leg - and I'd love to.

• Juiletta 'Julie' Peroni : He can't be that much of a monster.

  Tom Ferris : He can't, huh? Then why does he sleep in a coffin?

  Juiletta 'Julie' Peroni : Oh, stop.

  Tom Ferris : I mean it. When he orders a Bloody Mary, it's the real thing.

• Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : Captain Phillips. He's awfully sweet, but...

  Tom Ferris : But, you've got to go!

  Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : Not with busy fingers Phillips.

• Tom Ferris : Igloos are for Eskimos. We're people!

• Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : Oh, Tank, Tank. You - you haven't changed a bit. You and - and Cary Grant.

  Tom Ferris : If he only had my charm.

• Tom Ferris : Get me a fix on Calais.

  Sgt. Gilroy : I could use a fix.

• Tom Ferris : Forty-two below zero. I'm up there beating my shorts with a stick, while you're down here cuddling up with this aging white poacher!

• Tom Ferris : I've been having an affair with a little black book, sir. It's about time I had one with my wife!

• Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : Put your bottle on the table.

  'Tank' Martin : If he puts the girl on the table.

  Tom Ferris : If you put the cigars on the table.

  Julietta 'Julie' Ferris : Alright. Alright.

• Tom Ferris : You know what you are? You're pathetic. You got to knock off every female in sight just to prove you're not over the hill.