What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)
Tatsuya Mihashi: Phil Moscowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Phil Moscowitz : Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Take this! And this! Roman cow! Russian snake! Spanish fly! Anglo-Saxon Hun!
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Woman in control room : You had us worried. What have you been up to?
Phil Moscowitz : Well, nothing much really to report... by the way, I was almost shot and killed just before the opening credits.
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Phil Moscowitz : I thought you said you loved me!
Wing Fat : I love you in my own way.
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High Macha Of Rashpur : Good afternoon. I am the Grand Exalted High Macha of Raspur, a nonexistent but real-sounding country.
Phil Moscowitz : Uh-huh.
High Macha Of Rashpur : Yes. We're on a waiting list. As soon as there's an opening on the map, we're next.
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Suki Yaki : I managed to find a woman's dress but I couldn't find a stitch of underwear.
Phil Moscowitz : No underwear, huh? I find that very interesting.
Suki Yaki : Don't excite yourself. I never sleep with a man who owns a dress.
Phil Moscowitz : Me neither. I feel the same way.
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Phil Moscowitz : [while printing the microfilm code] And now I will read you some ancient erotic poetry. "There once was a man from Nantucket..."
Wing Fat : You fool! You're leading me on.
Phil Moscowitz : How do I know after I give you the recipe you won't kill me.
[runs his finger over his throat]
Wing Fat : Kill you? Come on.
[opens jacket]
Wing Fat : Does this look like the body of a killer?
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Phil Moscowitz : What are we doing here?
Palace servant : Just shut up and get on your knees. In a moment you will see a beautiful set of teeth.
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High Macha Of Rashpur : It's rough with a new country. Do you realize the entire population is still packed in crates?
Phil Moscowitz : Good luck. I am sure you'll get your country on the globe.
High Macha Of Rashpur : Thank you. I'm hoping for something between Spain and Greece. It's really much warmer there.
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Phil Moscowitz : Don't look now, honey. This is the obligatory scene. The director always has to walk through with his wife.
[a couple walks by in front of the camera]
Phil Moscowitz : Egomaniac!
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High Macha Of Rashpur : [displaying a printed floor plan] This is Shepherd Wong's home.
Phil Moscowitz : He lives in that piece of paper?
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Phil Moscowitz : No bullets? Ah, but if all of you in the audience who believe in fairies will clap your hands, then my gun will be magically filled with bullets.
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Phil Moscowitz : Hey, taxi! Kidnap us, please, and step on it!
Cab Driver : Did you say "kidnap"?
Phil Moscowitz : Yes, that's right.
Cab Driver : Alright, but first it's time for a little sightseeing. Coming up on your right is the world-renowned factory where the broken Japanese toys are made.
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Phil Moscowitz : Would you like a drink? Would you like to take another bath? Would you like to see my collection of off-color, Italian hand gestures? Could I interest you in a naked picture of Hugh Hefner?
Suki Yaki : I never saw anyone who thought of sex so much. You know, you're kinda cute in your own way. I could really fall for you.
Phil Moscowitz : Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes and bring a cattle prod.
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Suki Yaki : Who arranged my escape?
Phil Moscowitz : Have you no idea?
Suki Yaki : I had an idea it was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir... but they have no motive.
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Phil Moscowitz : Shepherd Wong! You'd never guess I have no pants on!
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Phil Moscowitz : [repeated line, sung in a tenor voice] Love has found me,/And I have found the way!
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Phil's Date : [while wrapped in a towel] Name three presidents.
Phil Moscowitz : Roosevelt, McKinley...
[Unwraps her towel and looks at her]
Phil Moscowitz : ...Lincoln?
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Phil Moscowitz : Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed snake who married a rope?
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Phil Moscowitz : That's a very unusual pin you're wearing.
Suki Yaki : If I remove it, one of my parts falls off.