Don't Make Waves (1967)

Tony Curtis: Carlo Cofield

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carlo Cofield : You know what I want? A box of twenty-five Monte Cristo panatellas. I want a king-size vibrator bed. I want a 35mm. Hasselblad, a Rolls-Royce convertible. I want driving gloves made from the underside of antelope ears. A bold men's cologne for the man who does something to women. A cashmere double-breasted jacket that's going to get me there first.

  Laura Califatti : Get where?

  Carlo Cofield : Doesn't matter. I want to be where the action is. I want to live a life of understated elegance.

• Laura Califatti : They use a new process. It was aromarama. You could smell it!

  Carlo Cofield : Smell what? Smelt the picture?

  Laura Califatti : Yes!... You know, they fixed up the theater so that with every scene there was a different smell. In one scene, I lured this man to a small rose garden and the audience was supposed to smell roses. They pushed this - eh, eh, this, eh...

  Carlo Cofield : Spray?

  Laura Califatti : This spray. This spray - the rose - the smell of roses. But, they make a mistake - and the audience smells fish.

• Carlo Cofield : Were you in a lot of pictures?

  Laura Califatti : No. I have been only in this one.

• Carlo Cofield : What do you do now? I mean, for a living?

  Laura Califatti : I live! I live a rich life. I have my work and for me that is everything.

  Carlo Cofield : Well, I'd like to live a rich life too.

  Laura Califatti : We must all live a full life. A rich life!

• Laura Califatti : Listen, I live here alone. I let you sleep in my house, because, I know you will - you will not make a stupid attempt. Heh? You will behave. Heh? With some men, a woman is not secure. But, you're not such a man.

  Carlo Cofield : I'm not, huh?

  Laura Califatti : No. You're a friend. Ciao!

• Laura Califatti : [to Rod]  It is because you don't love me. Only a fool could believe it. Only a fool or someone who didn't care. Why have no jealousy for the one you love? He is my lover!

  Carlo Cofield : Oh, no, no!

  Laura Califatti : He takes me when he pleases!

  Carlo Cofield : Oh, no, no.

  Laura Califatti : We are mad for each other! Tell him!

  Carlo Cofield : I'm not her lover.

  Laura Califatti : Ah, grazie, grazie...

  Rod Prescott : What is your line there, lover boy? You a dance instructor? A paid escort? A hairdresser?

• Jim Backus : Do you want to hear me do Mr. Magoo?

  Carlo Cofield : Oh, I'd love to. Please do.

  Jim Backus : Ha-ha, by George. I'll show you the blue - prints.

• Carlo Cofield : Pecs?

  Millie Gunder : Pecs, Abs, Glutes!

  Ted Gunder : Can you beat that? She's talkin' about my glutes!

• Carlo Cofield : That's crazy!

  Sam Lingonberry : It's crazy. Homeowners are crazy. The banks are crazy. Cofield, can everybody be crazy?

• Carlo Cofield : You certainly make interesting propositions, Mrs. Prescott.

  Diane Prescott : I didn't go into it, but, there are some interesting fringe benefits. Sleep on it, Mr. Cofield.

• Millie Gunder : Mr. Cofield, do you find me attractive? I mean, if you were a man...

  Carlo Cofield : If I were a man?

  Millie Gunder : Would you be attracted to me?

  Carlo Cofield : If I were...

  Millie Gunder : I mean, it's Harry.

  Carlo Cofield : Harry?

  Millie Gunder : Well, he says that we shouldn't make love anymore! Or, anything. What do you think?

  Carlo Cofield : Well, there are certain authorities who, excuse me, who share that view. I would say this, though, I don't think, I certainly don't think its a proper or nor-, excuse me, I'm sorry, normal environment for a young healthy and beautiful girl to be in. You know?

• Laura Califatti : I think you're - going to make a pass at me. No?

  Carlo Cofield : Considering our record, so far, that's probably the most self-destructive thing - I could possibly do.

• [last lines] 

  Carlo Cofield : Here we go!

  Laura Califatti : Carlo, please!

• Carlo Cofield : I guess if you start looking at things, uh, realistically you'll never fall in love. I mean you just reject the people you can't stand, and see who's left - if anybody.

• Sam Lingonberry : That's not a pool, that's a bombshelter.

  Carlo Cofield : A bombshelter?

  Sam Lingonberry : Yeah, I started digging it during the Eisenhower administration, then I stopped during the Kennedy administration, an now I'm wondering if it's big enough.

• Carlo Cofield : Look, all great salesmen are nothing more than just a uh - a collection of personality defects: the uh morality of a sieve, the... charm of a schizophrenic, the sensitivity of a rhino, and the uh - the scruples of a blackmailer.