Mad Monster Party? (1967)

Allen Swift: Felix Flankin, Yetch, Dracula, Invisible Man, Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, Chef Machiavelli, Captain, First Mate, Mr. Kronkite, Mail Man, The Monster

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dracula : What kind of a monster is he? A ghoul? A demon? A spook, or...?

  Francesca : A human.

  Dracula : They're the worst kind.

• [final lines] 

  Felix Flanken : My place isn't much. Two small rooms, a furnished medicine cabinet, but we'll be married. And soon there will be the sound of little Flankens running around.

  Francesca : [starts to cry]  Oh, Felix.

  Felix Flanken : What? What have I said? We'll get a bigger place, I'll give up sneezing. What is it?

  Francesca : I'm just a machine with hundreds of parts that will eventually wear out.

  Felix Flanken : Well, Francesca, none of us are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  Felix Flanken : [click] 

  Felix Flanken : are perfect...

  [continues and fades out] 

• Yetch : Francesca, it's me, your Don Juan!

  Francesca : [pounding him over the head]  I Don Juan to look at you!

  Yetch : [lovestruck]  I love your eyes, I love your chin, I love the shape they put you in, and when I get to feel your touch, I ache for you so very much!

• Francesca : Felix, you saved my life.

  Felix : Don't thank me, thank my pills.

  [they kiss] 

  Felix : Don't thank my pills, thank me.

• Felix : I'll kill myself.

  Baron von Frankenstein : No, Felix, don't kill yourself.

  Felix : Who's going to kill myself? I just said that because I didn't think anyone could hear me.

• Mr. Hyde : Hyde. Hyde.

  Felix Flanken : Hide? You want me to hide? Well if you want to play games, you must be feeling better. Certainly don't look it. Okay, I'll hide and you try and find me.

• Felix Flanken : Sorry, I can't see a thing without my glasses.

  Invisible Man : I've heard that one before.

• Felix Flanken : I'm invited to an island in the Caribbean to take part in a scientific first. A new discovery.

  Mr. Kronkite : You? A mental last to a scientific first?

• Felix Flanken : I'll carry you. Boy, you're heavier than I thought.

  Francesca : I want you to know I'm no easy pick-up.

• Felix Flanken : If I ever get out of this mess alive, I'll never hack and chop in a jungle again.

• Yetch : [the Invisible Man is hit with a pie, revealing his face]  No wonder you're invisible. You're ugly and revolting and disgusting.

• Chef Mafia Machiavelli : For the main course: I make-a boar's head, roast vulture and minced hyena casserole. Here, try the hyena casserole. It's terrific, no?

  Yetch : No. There's something missing.

  Chef Mafia Machiavelli : WHAT? Something missing? The casserole of me, Mafia Machiavelli, the greatest chef ever? SOMETHING MISSING?

  Yetch : Chef, please, simmer down.

  Chef Mafia Machiavelli : I bust-a you head, I brake-a you nose, I squeeze out-a you eyes. GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!

  Yetch : I think I'd better tell Dr. Frankenstein that dinner is ready.

• Chef Mafia Machiavelli : Here we have the antipasto - black widows pickled in their own poison, smoked lizards and snakes, and marinated mice.

  Yetch : It looks so good. Yum, yum. How do you do it?

  Chef Mafia Machiavelli : Oh, it's nothing.

  [singing] 

  Chef Mafia Machiavelli : Just a pinch of this, a pinch of that. A pinch of this, a pinch of that.

  [pinches Yetch] 

  Yetch : Ow! Stop already with the pinching.

• Felix Flanken : Uncle, I may have the blood for the job, but I sure don't have the stomach for it.

• The Monster's Mate : Stop behaving like the Statue of Liberty. Put down that torch.

  Dracula : Yes, we can still make a deal.

  Francesca : Make a deal with you? Not so long as I have wolfsbane for you, vampire, and a torch for you, Monster. Or is it torch for a vampire and wolfsbane for a monster? Wolfsbane for a werewolf, and a torch for a vampire. No, it's stake through the heart for a vampire and a silver bullet for a monster.

  Dracula : I'll take the torch and you get the wolfsbane.

• Dracula : Um... Due to the dilapidated condition of my wallet... er, your ship, I think I had better fly.

• Yetch : Into the air, zombie bird man.

• Yetch : Point of order. Point of information. Point of importance.

  Dracula : Speak up and stop pointing.

• Felix Flanken : [while watching the Isle of Evil and everyone and everything on it being destroyed in a gigantic explosion]  I know it's wrong, but I have a tremendous urge to sing "Auld Lang Syne".

• Felix Flanken : Take it out of my pay, Mr. Kronkite.

  Mr. Kronkite : Pay? What pay? You still have two more months to work for me for nothing before you're even as it is. Now what are you doing in the pharmacy department in the first place? Need I remind you that this is a drug store? There are people waiting at the lunch counter, someone is browsing though the paperback books, we still have a rack of these Veeblefetzers to unload and you're wasting your time in the pharmacy department. What am I not paying you for, Felix?

• First Mate : Did we pick up any passengers on this stop, Captain?

  Captain : Only that strange fellow from London, Dr. Jekyll.

  First Mate : Dr. Jekyll? That's odd. He told me his name was Mr. Hyde.

• Felix Flanken : So, you recognize this vile, vile vial, eh? Now, take me to Francesca. Move.

  [IT, a 20-story-high giant gorilla, appears behind him] 

  Felix Flanken : Aha, frozen with fear, are you? You didn't realize the rapier-keen, silken-smooth Felix Flanken could be so rough and tough, and hard and strong, and manly and virile, and...

  [sees IT] 

  Felix Flanken : weak... timid... and petrified. Heh-heh-heh. Hi-ho there, can I get you a banana?

• Francesca : As the doctor's rightful heir, I will be given his secrets and I shall share them with you.

  Dracula : Why, of course. Half a loaf is better than two in the bushes. Or something like that.

  Dracula : [to himself]  Then I shall get rid of you and have all the secrets to myself.

• The Monster's Mate : [about the Mummy]  I don't know how he got his invitation. He has an unlisted tomb. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

  The Monster's Mate : [about the Hunchback of Notre Dame]  Didn't I see him at the Transylvania Gardens in the main event?

  Dracula : The Hunchback of Notre Dame ain't a boxer.

  The Monster's Mate : Afraid it'll ruin his looks, eh? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

• Dracula : And now, friends, you'll see who was the original Batman.

  [transforms into a bat] 

• Chef Mafia Machiavelli : It's my own chef's salad. The Mafia Machiavelli Special. I make it with-a poison ivy, toadstools and poison berries. It's good, no? I got three kinds-o' dressings that go with it: arsenic, cyanide and this one, you'll get a big bang out of, Yetch.

  Yetch : What is it?

  Chef Mafia Machiavelli : Nitroglycerine. I make a joke, you know?

• Dracula : I'd give my eye teeth to possess that secret formula.

• Dracula : Francesca, you have always been my type. O-negative, isn't it?

• First Mate : [watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame load crates aboard the ship]  He's as strong as 50 men.

  Captain : And as ugly as any I've ever seen.

• Felix : Pardon me, gentlemen, does this Pickled Herring stop at the Isle of Evil?

  First Mate : [the Captain and the First Mate both shudder in horror]  Egads! It's another one of them!

  Captain : We'll stop, don't worry. We'll do whatever you want. There'll be no charge for you. Be my guest. But please, none of your surprises.

  [they both scurry aboard the ship] 

  Felix : Golly, what's the matter with them? Haven't they ever seen a tourist before?

• Baron von Frankenstein : [the Werewolf enters]  Ah, Werewolf, delighted you're here, Were.

  Dracula : Wolfie, you old dog! Ha-ha! This convention is going to be a howling success!

  [the Werewolf howls] 

  Dracula : You see? I told you.

• Felix Flanken : Midnight. Well, if Dr. Jekyll doesn't find me soon, I think I'll go to my cabin and to bed.

• Felix Flanken : Well, you see, Uncle, I'm a pharmacist.

  Baron von Frankenstein : Ah, then you must have conducted experiments of your own.

  Felix Flanken : Oh, yes. My fudge quadruple multi-flavored decker a la mode was a wild experiment. Mr. Kronkite turned green after he ate it.

  Baron von Frankenstein : Of course.

• Felix Flanken : What unusual flora and fauna.

  Francesca : Yes, I know. You like it and it likes you.

• Dracula : [has crashed into a tree; dazed and slurring]  Permit me to introduth mythelf. I am Count Dracuwa.

• Felix Flanken : Felix Flanken, head of the Worldwide Organization of Monsters. I can't do it. I just can't do it. I could never face that board of directors.

• Felix Flanken : I'll have to tell Uncle that my allergies prevent me from undertaking,

  [shudders] 

  Felix Flanken : er, accepting - the job.

• Yetch : Don't stand around like a bunch of union gravediggers. Get into your planes.

• Chef Mafia Machiavelli : Yetch, what are you a-doing in my kitchen, huh? You no-good snake in the grass, you dirty swine, you ugly rat!

  Yetch : Oh, thank you for those kind words. I hope I can live up to them.

  Chef Mafia Machiavelli : This-a Yetch. He's-a little bit of a nut.

• Yetch : [after been lifted up by a tentacle in the soup]  This soup is strong!

• Dracula : Madame, i must say you look the picture of decadence.

  Francesca : Don't kiss! You always leave marks!