Hot Millions (1968)

Peter Ustinov: Marcus Pendleton, Caesar Smith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marcus Pendleton : After all, no greatness is possible without a little intelligent madness, is it?

  Carlton J. Klemper : Ah, you put that beautifully. Let me write that down.

  Marcus Pendleton : Well now, give credit where credit is due, sir. I believe it was Hitler who said that, sir.

  Carlton J. Klemper : It just goes to show you - there's nothing new under the sun. Nothing changes but man's capability for change.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, that's lovely too. Who said that?

  Carlton J. Klemper : Napoleon.

• Marcus Pendleton : [Discussing his dream of a musical career]  You can't afford an orchestra and, I mean, even the baton's become prohibitive with the new tax slapped on it.

• Marcus Pendleton : You are straining my credulity, my dear.

  Mrs. Lubbock : Your what?

  Marcus Pendleton : Nevermind.

• Prison Governor : Remember that science is catching up with the embezzler, hmmm? You were caught by a computer, not by the police. It's going to put embezzlers irrevocably out of business.

  Marcus Pendleton : The way I see it, sir, science is closing in on all of us, isn't it?

• Patty : What's he want?

  Marcus Pendleton : Assets.

  Patty : What are they?

  Marcus Pendleton : Young female donkeys.

• Prison Governor : Marcus... you still here? It's 12:30.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm just finishing your income tax returns.

  Prison Governor : [as he shuts the cell door so they are alone]  Oh, that's very kind. But you know we like our prisoners to leave at mid-day on the day of departure. I do, um, think about putting a notice up in every cell.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, that's a very good idea. It'd liven up the old walls. There you are, sir, if I may.

  [He hands the tax papers to the governor] 

• Prison Governor : 400 pounds rebate? On my salary? I could end up in jail.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, no. These things are open to interpretation. All I'm doing is to interpret the rules in a manner favorable to you.

• Prison Governor : You should be in politics, not in prison.

  Marcus Pendleton : Well, in a way, I was, wasn't I? When they caught me embezzling at the Conservative Central Office.

  Prison Governor : Yes, I could never understand why you chose that of all places.

  Marcus Pendleton : [after a pause, says sternly]  I'm a Liberal.

  Prison Governor : Oh.

• Marcus Pendleton : [Handing the tax forms to the governor]  I've taken the liberty of signing for you, sir, if you'll just check the signature.

  Prison Governor : [Looks over the tax return]  Good grief!

  Marcus Pendleton : Anything like it? It's not the only trade I learned here, sir.

  Prison Governor : No... well, we do our best...

  Marcus Pendleton : I'll always be grateful for it, sir.

• Gentlemans Club Member : Is this your first time at the club?

  Marcus Pendleton : This club, yes! I'm just down from the North.

• Carlton J. Klemper : You have a very impressive background, Mr. Smith. Marvelous references.

  Marcus Pendleton : [as Caesar Smith]  I like to think so, Sir. It took quite a lot of time and ingenuity to lay my hands on them.

  Carlton J. Klemper : Humor. One of the three great H's in my book. Humor, humility and honesty.

• Carlton J. Klemper : Yes sir! When the time comes, I may even put in a bid for all of England.

  Marcus Pendleton : Hadn't you better wait till it's solvent?

• Patty : What do you want me to do?

  Marcus Pendleton : [as Caesar Smith]  Well, I want you to look as though you're doing something.

  Patty : Oh.

  Marcus Pendleton : That's half the battle, isn't it?

• Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I couldn't fire you. Patty. You'd starve to death.

• Carlton J. Klemper : ...it's the president of the corporation in New York. He's at that age - a senior citizen. A little more "senior" than "citizen." In fact, he's been seen playing golf without a ball lately.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, dear. How do you score that?

  Carlton J. Klemper : He's the president of the firm. You score it so he wins!

• Patty : [after she's told Marcus that she's going to have a baby]  Look, love. Are you all right?

  Marcus Pendleton : I don't know. I don't know. I just know that in a few month's time, someone is going to be looking up to me for the rest of my life, and that's terrifying.

• Marcus Pendleton : 'Ere! You watch your tongue! Any idiot can steal. *I* been em-*bezz*-lin'!

• Marcus Pendleton : I suppose you can see my window from yours?

  Patty : Uh, well, no... only from the kitchen.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I'd better be careful to keep my curtains drawn.

  Patty : I'm sure you've got nothing to hide.

  Marcus Pendleton : Myself.

  Patty : Oh, heh, heh.

• Patty : It's just I'm sorry about the curry.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, no mind about that. I was dreading that. You know, I hate curry.

  Patty : Do you?

  Marcus Pendleton : Yeah.

  Patty : Yeah, I hate it too. It's vile idn't it?

  Marcus Pendleton : Vile. It is vile. Yes, it is.

  Patty : I've got a couple of bangers if you'd like them.

  Marcus Pendleton : Well, now, look here, I don't want to impose.

  Patty : Oh, well, shut up. Light the candles. They're on the mantlepiece.

• Patty : Why don't you marry me?

  Marcus Pendleton : You poppin' the question?

  Patty : Well, it's gotta be popped, idn't it?

  Marcus Pendleton : Yeah, you put it that way, yes.

• Marcus Pendleton : Have a deck of cards?

  Patty : Yeah, in that dr... hey, you're not gonna start playin' cards. I just asked you to marry me.

  Marcus Pendleton : I know, but if you shuffle them and then cut with the queen of hearts I'll marry you

  Patty : Oh, you will. Yeah, let's get the cards.

  [after many cuts, she exposes the queen of hearts] 

• Marcus Pendleton : [after Patty tells him she is pregnant]  I'll be expected to tell him the facts of life when I'm just beginning to discover them myself.

• Patty : It's money, idn't it.

  Marcus Pendleton : Yeah, they told me it was. Yes. I wouldn't believe them at first.

• Marcus Pendleton : You know, Mr. Klemper, sir, a criminal is lost without information. And it matters little to his twisted mind whence that information comes.

• Patty : Mr. Smith, are you afraid of women?

  Marcus Pendleton : No. Why should I be? Women? No. Oh, mark you, I haven't known very many in my life, apart from mother.

  Patty : You were fond of your mother, is that it?

  Marcus Pendleton : No, no. I hated her. Very hateful. She couldn't cook, you see, and all through my youth, I remember having to eat the muck she dished up and pretend to like it. She was very sensitive, quite apart from being a bad cook.

• Patty : [He's brought home a large zippered satchel filled with cash]  What you got in here? It weighs a ton.

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, open it up. I've got no secrets from you.

  Patty : What you brought back? Dear, this is money, idn't it?

  Marcus Pendleton : Yeah. They told me it was, yes. I wouldn't believe them at first.

  Patty : There's about 1 million pounds here.

  Marcus Pendleton : You've got the exact right figure, you have. I got a slight raise.

  Patty : Where did you get... You would never. You've been stealing!

  Marcus Pendleton : Well, you want to be careful what you say, you know. Any fool can steal. Everybody does a bit. I've been embezzling.

  Patty : Is that what you've been doing on all them trips? Yeah, I thought it was the "other" you were doing.

  Marcus Pendleton : I would never do anything dishonest like that. Patty!

• Caesar Smith : Are you offering me a job?

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, yes.

  Caesar Smith : Oh, I was afraid of that. Please don't.

• Marcus Pendleton : I happen to be a bachelor, but, I've got my passion too. Not moths. I'm not a moth man. I think, I don't want to be a moth man. But, I appreciate moth men.

• Marcus Pendleton : I'm just on the lookout for a good computer man.

• Marcus Pendleton : Why'd you take your dress off?

  Patty : Well, look at this filthy, rotten ribbon, I don't want to get it dirty, do I?

• Marcus Pendleton : Any particular time?

  Patty : What for? Oh, no! No. I'm easy.

• Marcus Pendleton : Hand in a confidential report, to me, of your management concepts. I don't care what's in there, so long as its confidential. Make it look good. Whether its true or not, I leave that to you.

• Patty : Sit down. Take your shoes off.

  Marcus Pendleton : You take them off.

  Patty : All right.

• Marcus Pendleton : [pretending to be Caesar Smith]  We have got a one million pound computer next door, why don't we ask it?

  Carlton J. Klemper : You're right Caesar. We're still in bad habit of using our own minds, aren't we.

• Patty : We both got our pride, didn't we, that's the trouble. I'm not the only one, eh?

  Marcus Pendleton : No, you're not. No.

  Patty : Be more economical, wouldn't it, if we could share our pride. You know, kind of wend pride between two.

  Marcus Pendleton : Yeah, well how can you do that?

  Patty : Well, there must be a way.

• Marcus Pendleton : That's what comes out of loneliness, see?

  Patty : Are you pleased?

  Marcus Pendleton : Oh, I'm delighted you're going to be a mum. And I'm going to be a dad. Yeah, I'll be expected to tell it the facts of life, won't I, when I've only just discovered a few of them now myself.

• [last lines] 

  Marcus Pendleton : How are you? All right?

• Patty : You can go to jail for embezzling, can't you?

  Marcus Pendleton : Yes, that's why I'll have dinner on the plane, see.

  Patty : I see. You gonna keep it, are you?

  Marcus Pendleton : That was my intention, yes.

  Patty : Well, I better get used to it, hadn't I?

• Marcus Pendleton : Patty! You're a bloody marvel, you are.

• Marcus Pendleton : A midwife needs a baby, right? An undertaker needs a corpse, right? An insurance company needs an accounts embezzler! They ought to be grateful for me. I'm reminding them what they're in business for.

  Carlton J. Klemper : There's a sort of lunatic poetry in what you say.

• Patty : I know why men go to Paris. I'm not daft.

  Marcus Pendleton : It so happens that nowadays even the French come over to London for *that*.

• Marcus Pendleton : This is a getaway, isn't it. It's not a paper chase.

• Marcus Pendleton : A criminal is lost without information, and it matters little to his twisted mind whence that information comes.

• Patty : 'Ere, what's that funny smell? It's like burning rubber.

  Marcus Pendleton : Ah, that smell you get when you've got the air conditioning turned on to "Fresh air".