How to Save a Marriage and Ruin Your Life (1968)

Stella Stevens: Carol Corman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Everett Bauer : You find my touch repugnent?

  Carol Corman : [as she punches out]  No, it's, uh, just that I haven't had my tetanus shot.

• Harry Hunter : Now that we've established my guilt, I think you will concide that a promotion is a proper subject for discussion.

  Carol Corman : Not under these conditions. I would be accepting a bribe to remain quiet.

  Harry Hunter : Miss Corman, I always search for honesty and integrity. Its unfortunate to run across it at this particular moment. Couldn't you find it in your heart to be just a little corrupt?

• Carol Corman : Pardon me.

  David Sloane : Yes?

  Carol Corman : Do you have the time?

  David Sloane : No.

  Carol Corman : It's 10 after five.

  [David thinks to himself: Harry didn't say she was bright] 

• Carol Corman : I hope Lester's mother's better.

  Marcia Borie : Ever since we told her we're getting married, she's been bed-ridden with joy.

• Carol Corman : You're like one of the family.

  Roger : But that shouldn't rule out marriage. I mean, husbands are often thought of as one of the family.

• Carol Corman : Roger, uh I don't love you.

  Roger : Carol, marriage is a serious subject. Now, you mustn't drag in emotional issues. You see, in the insurance business, we deal in cold facts and research. We are a good marriage risk. Statistically, we will be in the upper third economic level. We will have 2.7 children.

  Carol Corman : Roger, I'm not questioning your figures, but I don't want a 0.7 child. I don't want a marriage blessed by a slide rule. It is an emotional decision.

  Roger : We have never tested your emotional reaction to me.

• David Sloane : Have you any plans for tonight?

  Carol Corman : Just a convulsion.

  David Sloane : Wouldn't you rather have a drink?

• Carol Corman : Honesty is just something you grow up with.

• Carol Corman : My father always said, "Plant a cabbage, grow a cabbage." The same with a lie.

• Muriel Laszlo : When he comes home at night and he's quiet and you ask him what's wrong, and he says, "Nothing," never say, "What do you mean, nothing?' Because he doesn't mean nothing. It's something. If he really had nothing on his mind, he'd tell you all about it.

  Carol Corman : Oh. When I figure that out, I'm going to try to remember it.

• Carol Corman : [In her thoughts about David]  Such a rare combination. So masculine and yet so sensitive.

  David Sloane : [In his thoughts about Carol]  If she had the guts to tell me a story like that, why haven't I got the guts to hit her with that ketchup bottle?

• David Sloane : I have a friend who's in trouble. He doesn't know it, and I have to warn him.

  Carol Corman : You're the kind of man who would go out in the middle of the night to help a friend.

• Carol Corman : [after her neighbor welcomes her with gifts]  Bread and salt?

  Muriel Laszlo : It's tradition. It means, may there always be food in the house.

• Carol Corman : [as she throws darts at David's shirt hanging on the door]  He's an animal. A depraved, cunning animal.

• Carol Corman : You don't just set people adrift on an ice flow when they've outlived their usefulness.

• Carol Corman : There is one type of woman that's very popular with men.

  David Sloane : Yeah, what type is that?

  Carol Corman : Widows.

  David Sloane : Well, that's a little extreme, but I want to help.

  Carol Corman : Particularly those with small children. It stimulates a man's protective instincts. If you were really concerned about my future happiness, you'd leave me a widow with, uh... five, uh... or six small children.

  David Sloane : It's probably best you become a young widow.

  Carol Corman : It will help.

• Carol Corman : The twisted, perverted mind that would make up a story like that.

• Carol Corman : I'll go to see the chief psychiarist. I'll plead with him.

  David Sloane : No, don't. He's a man. No, you've been through enough. Now, just get into a taxi. Go straight home, and be sure the driver's a woman.

• Carol Corman : Oh! He gave me till sundown!

  Thelma : Well, it's time to saddle up.

  Carol Corman : "Get out by sundown!" Like I'm a cattle rustler!

  Thelma : It's the range, honey. When they say, "Git!" you start ridin'.

  Carol Corman : Just like that, huh?

  Thelma : It's frontier justice.

• Carol Corman : [Walking outside a posh restaurant with a sign that reads, I am David Sloane's mistress. He will not pay my rent. Please help me!] 

• Carol Corman : When I mentioned marriage to you, it must have been an awful moment.

  David Sloane : It sent a chill right through me.

• Muriel Laszlo : I saw a picture last night. At the end, George Brent was going to jail for 20 years, and Kay Francis promised to wait for him. Now that was loyalty. I don't think any of the newer actresses would wait that long.

  Carol Corman : Oh, probably not.

  Muriel Laszlo : Sylvia Sidney was another good waiter.

• Carol Corman : [Wearing a delicate lace shawl and greeting David when he arrives at the apartment]  It was my great grandmother's. The wagon train was on its way to Fort Mercer. They didn't think they would ever reach it. Under the stars on an open plain, she pledged her love to my great grandfather. That night in her diary she wrote, "I am his, just as surely as though a thousand ministers had intoned our marriage vows."

• David Sloane : A man. You were with a man.

  Carol Corman : I was thinking of you the whole time. His face was your face. His arms were your arms. His lips were your lips!

  David Sloane : Why?

  Carol Corman : To save our relationship! You told me that desire would turn to pity and pity to hate. And - I did feel desire last night.

  David Sloane : So you let another man make love to you?

  Carol Corman : I was only fighting for our happiness. I didn't want to ever hate you.

  David Sloane : Who was it?

  Carol Corman : A man.

  David Sloane : What was his name?

  Carol Corman : I don't know.

  David Sloane : You didn't eve ask his name?

  Carol Corman : It didn't seem important.

• Everett Bauer : Miss Corman... Miss Corman! Uh, Miss Corman, have you reconsidered my invitation for tonight?

  Carol Corman : Mr. Bauer, I do not care to have dinner in your apartment.

  Everett Bauer : I think you'll find my place fascinating. I collect unusually interesting items...

  Carol Corman : Like salesgirls who are afraid to lose their jobs?

• Carol Corman : Mr. Slotkin, why didn't you ever remarry?

  Mr. Slotkin : [shrugs]  I don't know. You get used to one person. Even the arguments we had - I'd feel guilty if I had them with someone else.

• Carol Corman : When I figure that out, I'm going to try to remember it.

• Harry Hunter : Who opened the door?

  Carol Corman : You did.

  Harry Hunter : A married man.

  Carol Corman : You just happened to be there, drinking a martini.

  Harry Hunter : In a dressing gown? With an unmarried woman? What conclusion would you draw from that?

  Carol Corman : You don't like drinking alone?

• Carol Corman : I wish he'd say something. Why is it the wrong men always start conversations?

• Roger : We never kissed. You might experience that thing that you call 'love'. Shouldn't we research the possibility?

  Carol Corman : That seems fair.

• Carol Corman : Does Sloane & Curtis finance working girls who like luxury living?

• Carol Corman : David, this has been a very special evening for me.

  David Sloane : Me too.

• Carol Corman : Now that my future's in your hands, would you care for some coffee and cake?

• Carol Corman : Muriel, have I violated any other traditions?

• Carol Corman : Whatever the problem, there's always a solution.

  David Sloane : Believe me, I'll try and think of one.

  Carol Corman : Oh, let's walk! That's what my mother and father used to do whenever they had a problem. They's walk and think and pretty soon the answer would come. It's only a matter of time.

• Mr. Slotkin : They didn't like the suits. Fine. They weren't even laughing at my jokes!

  Carol Corman : There are some people who think Rembrandt can't paint.

• David Sloane : You quit your job?

  Carol Corman : Well, darling, my job now is to take care of you. Make you happy.

• Carol Corman : [feels David's shirt collar]  No starch. I'll remember that.

• Carol Corman : David, I pledge you my love.

  [kiss] 

  Carol Corman : Would you like a drink before dinner?

  David Sloane : Yes, a drink.

  [quickly, nervously makes a drink while Carol watches] 

  Carol Corman : Three ice cubes, Scotch till it covers the ice, a splash of soda, and a lemon peel. I want to remember that.

• Carol Corman : I shopped for you today. I had to guess. If the pajamas are too small, I'll return them tomorrow.

• Carol Corman : What twisted, perverted mind that would make up a story like that?

• David Sloane : You accepted that I can't marry. I can't ask you to accept this. Leave me, Carol. Leave me!

  Carol Corman : But, I love you!

  David Sloane : Night after night to lie there, holding hands, it's inhuman. I can't ask that of you. How soon before your love turns to pity and pity to hate.

  Carol Corman : David - we'll work it out.

• Carol Corman : Oh, darling, what you must be going through.

  [grabs David's head and presses it against her chest] 

  Carol Corman : I know how you're suffering.

  David Sloane : It's torture.

• David Sloane : It'll always be a barrier between us.

  Carol Corman : Any barrier can be scaled, if you have something to cling to. Reach out, David.

  [pleading] 

  Carol Corman : Hold me.

• Carol Corman : Ohh, Barbarian! Defiler of trusting women! Ahh!

• Carol Corman : I respect you for cherishing a memory. But, you have done *nothing* to feel guilty about.

  David Sloane : Not yet.

• Carol Corman : Last night, on that couch, I shed tears of pity.

  Muriel Laszlo : I just don't understand? You slept on the couch and he...

  Thelma : Jungle cunning.

  Carol Corman : Right! He sacrificed one night. After that, would I ever dare *breathe* the word: marriage?

• Carol Corman : Father always said, "Never put off for tomorrow, what you can do tonight."

  David Sloane : I'll go along with Daddy on that.

• Carol Corman : Tomorrow I picket your office. And when Huntley-Brinkley picks it up, the entire nation will know what you've done to me.

• Carol Corman : Didn't you come back the second night ready to make love to a woman you had no interest in? You're vile! I don't know why I bothered to stay on as your mistress.

  David Sloane : You're not my mistress.

• David Sloane : What happened at the club? Huh?

  Carol Corman : To give for the man you love, there's no sacrifice.

  David Sloane : Sacrifice? What did you sacrifice?

  Carol Corman : David, all men are not like you.

  David Sloane : Webber - *and* Saunders?

  Carol Corman : Forgive them. All they said is, money doesn't grow on trees, it has to be - earned.

• Carol Corman : I am not a public utility you can turn off with a note!

• Carol Corman : You wanted me, you've got me, until I'm ready to call it off!

• Carol Corman : Men don't rush ex-mistresses home to meet their mothers. But, a woman who has had an unfortunate marriage, annulled the next morning, with no consummation, *that* men understand. They also sympathize with a woman like that.

• Carol Corman : You never knew what a despicable person you really are.

  David Sloane : Not until I met you.

  Carol Corman : Then in a way, I've helped.