The Swimmer (1968)

Burt Lancaster: Ned Merrill

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Quotes 

• Kevin Gilmartin Jr. : They took the water out of the pool because I'm not a good swimmer. I'm bad at sports and, at school, nobody wants me on their team.

  Ned Merrill : Well, it's a lot better that way, you take it from me. At first you think it's the end of the world because you're not on the team. Till you realize...

  Kevin Gilmartin Jr. : Realize what?

  Ned Merrill : You realize that you're free. You're your own man. You don't have to worry about getting to be captain and all that status stuff.

  Kevin Gilmartin Jr. : They'd never elect me captain in a million years.

  Ned Merrill : You're the captain of your soul. That's what counts. Know what I mean?

• Ned Merrill : I'm cold. What's the matter with that sun? There's no heat in it.

• Ned Merrill : I'm cold. What's the matter with that sun. There's no heat in it. Shirley, what happened?

  Shirley Abbott : What happened to what?

  Ned Merrill : Nothing's turned out - Nothing's turned out the way - I thought it would. When I was a kid, I - I used to believe in things. People seemed happier when I was a kid. People used to love each other. What happened?

  Shirley Abbott : You got tossed out of your golden playpen, that's what happened.

• Ned Merrill : Pool by pool, they form a river all the way to our house.

• Ned Merrill : I want my girls to be married in that house.

  [Howard & Betty exchange confused glances] 

  Ned Merrill : Won't be long now. Our driveway looked like a parking lot today. Boys all over the place.

• Ned Merrill : We're all gonna die, Shirley. That doesn't make much sense, does it?

  Shirley Abbott : Sometimes it does. Sometimes at three o'clock in the morning.

• Ned Merrill : I'm a very special human being. Noble. And splendid.

• Shirley Abbott : Did you know I went to spy on you once in the lobby of the theater?

  Ned Merrill : [Surprised]  Spy on me?

  Shirley Abbott : It was a long time ago... You were meeting your family to take them to the ballet. I saw your daughters in their white gloves and patent-leather slippers, and that aging Vassar-girl wife of yours in her understated little suit. And you... there you were, shaking hands with people, smiling, saying hello. One hour before that you had been in bed with me. *I* put that smile on your face, you DAMNED HYPOCRITE!... Listen, Ned, I want you to get out of here now. Swim the pool, do whatever you have to do, but get out!

• Ned Merrill : If there is anything you want, anything at all. Come to me. I will be your guardian angel.

• Ned Merrill : This is the day Ned Merrill swims across the county.

• Ned Merrill : 'Member how we used to take off our suits and swim for miles up that river? We just never got tired.

  Stu Forsburgh : Yeah. We had nice, new, pink lungs in *those* days.

  Ned Merrill : And the water up there. Remember? That transparent, light green water. It felt different. God, what a beautiful feeling. We could've swum around the world in those days.

  Stu Forsburgh : That was before we ever touched a drink, or a cigarette.

  Donald Westerhazy : Or a girl!

  Stu Forsburgh : Or a girl!

  Helen Westerhazy : That doesn't zap a man's strength.

  Ned Merrill : Or I'd be in a wheelchair today.

• Julie Ann Hooper : How did you meet Mrs. Merrill?

  Ned Merrill : Oh, I - On a boat. Going to Europe one summer. I was with a - with a bunch of students down in steerage. And one night I sneaked up to the first class salon, and there she was.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Oh, how romantic and old-fashioned!

  Ned Merrill : Now wait a minute! It wasn't that long ago!

  Julie Ann Hooper : Well, I - I mean it sounds so much more *passionate* than a computer.

• Ned Merrill : Lucinda's waiting. The girls are home playing tennis. I'm swimming home.

  Shirley Abbott : [in concerned pity]  Oh, God.

• Ned Merrill : How's the family, Howie?

  Howie Hunsacker : My oldest boy just won the American Legion Scholarship Award. Straight A's this year.

  Ned Merrill : That's wonderful...

  Lillian Hunsacker : [Butting in]  Yeah, then we bring our kids up to behave themselves. We don't let *our* kids run around drunk, wrecking cars.

  Jack Finney : He kept his daughters' names outta' the paper *that* time.

  Sylvia Finney : I'll bet *that* check didn't bounce!

  Ned Merrill : [Getting agitated]  You leave my daughters out of this!

  Sylvia Finney : Well, why didn't you teach 'em some manners?

  Lillian Hunsacker : Ah, those girls never paid no attention to him.

  Howie Hunsacker : You, shut up...

  Lillian Hunsacker : Look, I'm not blaming the girls. It's him. Always chummin' around with the kids, tryin' to be "one of the gang."

  Ned Merrill : My daughters worship me. The love me and respect me. Because I'm their father. And they respect me. They respect me!

  Lillian Hunsacker : [Sarcastically]  Yeah?

  Ned Merrill : My girls love me.

  Lillian Hunsacker : How many times we heard those girls talkin' in our place. We heard your girls givin' you the raspberry.

  Ned Merrill : You're a liar.

  Howie Hunsacker : Come on, Mr. Merrill, don't talk to my wife that way.

  Ned Merrill : She's a goddamned liar!

  Howie Hunsacker : Wanna' know what your girls thought of you, Mr. Merrill? Your girls laughed at you. I heard them. They thought you were a great big joke!

  [Ned, disgusted, angrily shoves Howie aside and runs off] 

• Ned Merrill : You loved it. You loved it. We *both* loved it. *You loved it!*

• Ned Merrill : You see, if you make believe hard enough that something is true, then it *is* true for *you*.

• Ned Merrill : Howie!

  Howie Hunsacker : Hi, Mister Merrill.

  Ned Merrill : Oh Howie, lend me fifty cents.

  Lillian Hunsacker : Don't you do it, Howie.

  Ned Merrill : Howie, for Christ's sake.

  Howie Hunsacker : What's fifty cents, more or less? I mean - considering.

  Ned Merrill : Thanks, Howie. Thanks a lot, chum. Thanks an *awful* lot.

• [first lines] 

  Donald Westerhazy : Where have you been keeping yourself?

  Ned Merrill : Oh, here and there. Here and there.

• Ned Merrill : Thy belly is like a heap of wheat, fenced about with lilies.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Isn't that a...

  Ned Merrill : Song of Solomon.

  Julie Ann Hooper : When I was a little girl in Sunday school, they never mentioned that part of the Bible.

• Ned Merrill : On a scale of one to ten, how good is he in bed?

• Ned Merrill : Yes, Sir, those kids of mine think I got all the answers. Those kids of mine think I'm just about it!

• Mrs. Hammar : You're not welcome here, Mister Merrill.

  Ned Merrill : Well, you know me, don't you? I'm a friend of your son.

  Mrs. Hammar : A friend. How dare you use that word. You never came to see him. You never even called him at the hospital.

  Ned Merrill : Well how is he? Is he - better?

  [Mrs. Hammar only glares in response] 

• Ned Merrill : What did I do to you, Shirley? I'm sorry for whatever I did.

  Shirley Abbott : [Cynically]  You did the usual red-blooded married man thing. You took me out to lunch and gave me that lecture about the duties of a father and a husband. Oh, it's considered a classic by now, isn't it? Reprinted every year in the Reader's Digest?

  Ned Merrill : I don't remember.

  Shirley Abbott : It's the first really chic restaurant you took me to in New York. Right out in front of everyone who counts.

  Ned Merrill : You cried...

  Shirley Abbott : I also raised my voice.

  Ned Merrill : It tore me apart to see you crying.

  Shirley Abbott : [Tone getting angrier]  You chose that restaurant because you thought I wouldn't make a fuss in front of all those mink hats and snobbish waiters and stylish fags.

  Ned Merrill : [Protesting]  No. No.

  Shirley Abbott : Did you really think you could get rid of me in no more noise than the sound of finger bowls tinkling?

• Stanley, Pool Party Bartender : What may I fix you sir?

  Ned Merrill : Dom Pérignon. That's for us.

  Stanley, Pool Party Bartender : Yes, sir.

  Ned Merrill : Ever drink champagne?

  Julie Ann Hooper : Once at a birthday party. A boy drank it out of my slipper.

  Ned Merrill : Here's to sugar on the strawberries!

• Ned Merrill : Where did you meet this boy, Julie?

  Julie Ann Hooper : Through a computer.

  Ned Merrill : The computer?

  Julie Ann Hooper : Yes, it's just a joke! All the kids are doing it. You fill out this questionnaire and send in $3 and they guarantee to send you back the names and phone numbers of three ideal mates. He was the first one I called.

• Joan : What are you?

  Ned Merrill : I'm an explorer.

  Joan : I mean, what are you doing here?

  Ned Merrill : I'm swimming home.

• Ned Merrill : You're the captain of your soul. That's what counts. Know what I mean?

• Shirley Abbott : Would you mind telling me what the hell you're doing here?

  Ned Merrill : I'm swimming home.

  Shirley Abbott : You're what?

  Ned Merrill : Pool by pool, across the county.

  Shirley Abbott : Good Christ, Ned, will you ever grow up?

• Shirley Abbott : What's the matter with you? I'll get you a sweater.

  Ned Merrill : No!

  Shirley Abbott : You must be catching something.

  Ned Merrill : How can I swim in a sweater?

  Shirley Abbott : Listen, I'll drive you home.

  Ned Merrill : No! I've got to *swim* home.

  Shirley Abbott : For the love of God, why?

  Ned Merrill : I've just got to. I've got to.

  Shirley Abbott : I'll go get the car.

  Ned Merrill : No! I can't go in a car, it's impossible. How can I?

• Ned Merrill : How beautiful are thy feet in sandles, oh princess daughter.

  [kisses Helen's feet] 

• Ned Merrill : I could do it. I could *really* do it.

  Helen Westerhazy : Do what, Neddy?

  Ned Merrill : Well now with the Grahams there's a string of pools that curves clear across the county to our house. Well look: the Grahams, the Lears, the Bunkers. Then over the ridge. Then a - portage through the Paston's riding ring to the - Hallorans and the Gilmartins. Then down Erewise Lane to the Biswangers, and then - Wait a minute, who's next? I can't think, I had it just a minute ago. Who is it? Well, who is it? Who's next to the Biswangers?

  Helen Westerhazy : [softly]  Shirley Abbott.

  Ned Merrill : Shirley Abbott. And across Route 424 to the recreation center pool, and up the hill and I'm home. Well don't you see? I just figured it out. If I take a sort of a dogleg to the southwest... I can swim home.

• Ned Merrill : [Reminiscing]  My mother gave me 25 cents for mowing the lawn around our house. Seems only a minute ago. I could smell the grass... It's so fast... People grow up, and then they... We're all gonna' die, Shirley. That doesn't make much sense, does it?

  Shirley Abbott : Sometimes it does... Sometimes at three o'clock in the morning.

• Ned Merrill : The Grahams put in a pool?

  Donald Westerhazy : Oh, yeah. They nurse it like a baby.

  Ned Merrill : When did the Grahams put in a pool?

  Donald Westerhazy : Last June.

  Ned Merrill : Last June?

• Ned Merrill : You've got a gorgeous pool.

  Betty Graham : I've got everything I ever wanted. Funny the way things turn out, isn't it?

• Ned Merrill : How bonnie are the banks of the Lucinda River. I knew we'd find friends all along the way.

• Joan : You look the type that goes in for swimming.

  Ned Merrill : Why not? When the world is so generously supplied with water.

  Joan : I'm not a maniac about it. To tell you the truth, it's murder on my hair.

  Ned Merrill : Lovely hair.

• Shirley Abbott : I lied! I lied all the time about loving it anywhere with you! You bored me to tears! With all your stories about your old deals and your old girls and your golf scores and your bloody war and bloody duty to your wife and kids. You bored me to tears! I was playing a scene with you.

  Ned Merrill : You loved it!

  Shirley Abbott : You met your match with me you Suburban stud! I was acting!

• Ned Merrill : This is Julie Ann Hooper, our babysitter.

  Cynthia : Run along to your babies, dear.

  Ned Merrill : She's with me. We're swimming across the county.

  Cynthia : How healthy - and young of you.

• Kevin Gilmartin Jr. : What's the - What's the matter?

  Ned Merrill : I thought you were gonna dive!

  Kevin Gilmartin Jr. : You thought I was gonna dive? There's no water in the pool!

  Ned Merrill : Well... So long again.

• Cynthia : Why don't you, um, come over tonight. For dinner?

  Ned Merrill : I'd love to. If Lucinda hasn't made a date.

  Cynthia : Lucinda? Well congratulations.

• Ned Merrill : Just one lane. I want to swim just one lane. Y-You don't understand.

  Pool cashier : I understand you ain't got a half a buck. That's all I'm supposed to understand.

  Ned Merrill : But can't you make an exception just this once? My house is right over there on the hill. I'll come straight back with the money.

  Pool cashier : Get the hell out of there, mister.

• Ned Merrill : I'll call it the Lucinda River, after my wife.

  Peggy Forsburgh : That's quite a tribute.

• Ned Merrill : That's funny.

  Julie Ann Hooper : What?

  Ned Merrill : Marigolds. This time of the year.

  Julie Ann Hooper : They're all over the place.

  Ned Merrill : They usually bloom later.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Mmm, they're lovely, I love the colors.

• Denny : Look, why don't you leave some phone numbers around? I've been trying to reach you. Look. I've heard of an opening. Sounds perfect for you. Your experience. Smaller place than you're used to, but these two guys are creative as hell.

  Ned Merrill : Say hello to Julie Ann.

  Denny : Hello Julie Ann. Now this firm has a reputation for originality. I think if you approach them right, take a cut just at first...

  Ned Merrill : Take a cut?

  Denny : Now look here, Ned, you don't have to pretend with *me*.

• Ned Merrill : We're running out o' Tabasco.

  Shirley Abbott : *We*? Aren't you a little confused this afternoon?

• Mrs. Hammar : Who gave you permission to use the pool?

  Ned Merrill : I'm Ned Merrill.

• Ned Merrill : [leans down and kisses Shirley's feet, she kicks his face]  Now what did you do that for?

  Shirley Abbott : Keep away from me Ned, will you please?

  Ned Merrill : You must be crazy. Everybody's gone crazy today. I just came from the Biswangers. They snubbed me... everybody at their party snubbed me. They've even got my hot dog wagon.

• Ned Merrill : [Climbing out of the pool at the Biswangers, suddenly noticing a colorfully decorated hot dog cart]  Hey, wait a minute. This looks like my wagon. I'm sure this is my wagon.

  Ned Merrill : [Inspects the wagon more closely]  This IS my wagon! I wheeled my kids around in it. Ya' see that?

  Ned Merrill : [Pointing to a spot]  That's where Ella put her foot through and I mended it. With plywood... This is MY WAGON, man!

• Shirley Abbott : [Sarcastically]  Well, how goes it in "Never-Never Land"?

  Ned Merrill : What?

  Shirley Abbott : Has the ideal, all-American family found happiness on the hill?

  Ned Merrill : [a bit confused]  The "hill"?

  Shirley Abbott : I heard a rumor that you'd changed your place of residence.

  Ned Merrill : Of course not. That's ridiculous!

  Shirley Abbott : Well, how is the President of the League of Women Voters?

  Ned Merrill : [Confused]  Who?

  Shirley Abbott : How is your wife?

  Ned Merrill : Oh, she's fine.

  Shirley Abbott : I've been away so long I haven't kept up with the news. I suppose by now all the waitresses in town must be certified non-venereal. Last I heard, that was your wife's latest project: physical checkups for food handlers.

  [laughs derisively] 

  Ned Merrill : [Defensively]  Lucinda's always done a lot of good in this town.

  Shirley Abbott : She just didn't do so good at home, did she?

• Ned Merrill : That's a great pool you got here.

  Howard Graham : Heheyeah.

  Betty Graham : Ned's just crazy about our pool.

  Howard Graham : I didn't skimp on anything. I got a diatomaceous earth filter in there.

  Ned Merrill : Betty told me.

  Howard Graham : Filters out ninety nine point ninety nine point ninety nine percent of all solid matter in the water.

  Ned Merrill : That's what Betty said.

• Ned Merrill : What a day! Did you ever see such a glorious day?

• Helen Westerhazy : [sitting in a bathing suit by her home pool]  I don't believe it! Neddie!

  Ned Merrill : How beautiful are thy feet in sandals, oh Princess daughter.

  [kisses her feet] 

• Helen Westerhazy : Where are you coming from?

  Ned Merrill : Oh, I was around. I thought I'd come over and have a swim with you. God, look at that water. And look at that sky.

  Donald Westerhazy : You look at it. You know, I think everybody drank too much last night.

  Helen Westerhazy : It was that rum! I drank too much of that rum.

  Ned Merrill : Who's party?

  Helen Westerhazy : Our own. Don't worry, you didn't miss a thing.

  Donald Westerhazy : Your usual Saturday night blowout, you know.

  Helen Westerhazy : The same old jokes. The same old faces. We've all known each other so long there's not even anyone to flirt with.

  Ned Merrill : I'd've flirted with you.

• Ned Merrill : Come on, how about a swim? Put oxygen in your blood. Good for your hangover!

  Helen Westerhazy : What in the world makes you think I'm hung over?

• Stu Forsburgh : I'm outta practice with the kind of parties you throw around here. We don't go in for that in Columbus - unless it's New Year's Eve.

  Ned Merrill : I told you not to accept that transfer.

  Stu Forsburgh : What else could I do?

  Ned Merrill : I'd a quit before I let them send me to the provinces.

• Betty Graham : [Ned slaps Betty on the behind, she turns around, Ned hugs her]  Neddie! Neddie, oh, it's been so long! You look wonderful.

  Ned Merrill : So do you.

  Betty Graham : Oh, I'm going on a diet - a week from Thursday. Where did you come from?

• Betty Graham : Look how *clear* the water is.

  Ned Merrill : Wow!

• Betty Graham : The way we take care of this pool, the water's purer than drinking water. What'll you have Neddie?

  Ned Merrill : Well, scoop me up a glass of that.

  Betty Graham : Oh, don't be silly. Want a martini? I've got them all made.

  Ned Merrill : No, nothing, thanks. I'll have a quick swim and be on my way.

• Betty Graham : Just look at the color of that sky!

  Howard Graham : I don't like the look of that cloud.

  Ned Merrill : It's beautiful. Like a dream city from the bow of a ship. Lisbon. Naples. Istanbul.

  Howard Graham : Hackensack.

  Ned Merrill : I'd like to see all those glistening domes and minarets. First chance to get away from the office, that's what I'll do. I'll go sailing around the Golden Horn.

• Ned Merrill : Well, I've got to be on my way. I'm swimming home.

  Muffie : You're swimming home?

  Ned Merrill : I figured it out. There's a river of pools all the way to my house.

  Vernon : That's more hiking than swimming?

  Ned Merrill : Well, not hiking, exactly: portaging.

• Julie Ann Hooper : I think its very original. As if, he's an explorer or something. Well, I mean, I think its an adventure.

  Ned Merrill : Come with me.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Well, gee, I...

  Ned Merrill : Come on. Live a little.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Well, I don't know if...

  Ned Merrill : We'll explore the torrential headwaters - of the Lucinda River.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Alright. I will!

• Julie Ann Hooper : I bet you never knew I had a big crush on you.

  Ned Merrill : You did?

  Julie Ann Hooper : I was mad about you! Out of my head.

  Ned Merrill : You were?

• Julie Ann Hooper : If Mrs. Merrill called me to babysit, even at the last minute, I'd cancel out whoever I promised and I'd come to your house instead.

  Ned Merrill : You must have lost a lot of customers.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Then, I'd spend about an hour getting myself all fixed up. My mother thought I was nuts. I mean, I was just a kid to you; but, you were a god to me.

  Ned Merrill : Oh, now you're putting me on.

  Julie Ann Hooper : You know what I'd do after the girls were asleep? I'd go up to your room and open your closet and touch your suits. And then, I'd go into your bathroom and smell your shaving lotion. And then, one time, this is a terrible thing to admit.

  Ned Merrill : Tell me.

  Julie Ann Hooper : I stole one of your shirts. And then, when I was doing my homework in my room, I'd put it on. And it made me feel as if you were all around me.

• Ned Merrill : You better watch out. It's a big wicked city.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Oh, I know. I've had some experiences.

  Ned Merrill : Like what?

  Julie Ann Hooper : Well, one morning I was making a coffee and I just happened to look out of the window. You see, there's an apartment building across the court. This man was standing in his window looking at me. He was stark naked.

  Ned Merrill : That's terrible.

  Julie Ann Hooper : I just stood there looking at him.

• Ned Merrill : There's a lot of nuts around.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Oh, and then another time, my boss sent me to deliver some record books. So, I got into an empty elevator and pressed 26. Then, a man got in and he pressed 27. And the door closed and the elevator started up. This man came right over and kissed me - on the mouth!

  Ned Merrill : And what'd you do?

  Julie Ann Hooper : Oh, I dropped the record books.

  Ned Merrill : Well, then what happened?

  Julie Ann Hooper : He picked them up. Gave them to me. The door opened on the 26th floor and I got off. Can you imagine? A building on Park Avenue?

• Ned Merrill : There's so little love in the world, Julie. When it's kept a secret, it's wasted. Don't you see?

• Ned Merrill : I hope you don't mind. I think I'll get wet.

• Ned Merrill : Now, there are three things to remember: relax, reach and follow through.

• Grace Biswanger : Well, this party has everything, including a gate crasher.

  Ned Merrill : I was hoping you'd be glad to see me.

  Grace Biswanger : You never came when I invited you. Why should I be glad to see you now?

  Ned Merrill : Well, I thought - better late than never.

  Grace Biswanger : You thought wrong, buster.

• Shirley Abbott : [sunning by her backyard pool]  What are you doing here?

  Ned Merrill : What a great suit. New?

  Shirley Abbott : Last year's.

  Ned Merrill : I don't remember that suit.

  Shirley Abbott : You weren't around last year.

  Ned Merrill : God, you look sensational.

• Ned Merrill : I always kept it down in the playroom with where the ping pong table was. Remember?

  Shirley Abbott : I've never been to your house. Remember?

• Ned Merrill : God, I'm tired. Do you mind if I have a drink?

  Shirley Abbott : Alright.

  Ned Merrill : How 'bout you? You want a Bull Shot?

  Shirley Abbott : No, thank you.

  Ned Merrill : Oh, come on, now. You know you love the way I make them.

• Ned Merrill : What was the name of that play in Boston? I came up on a Saturday. Remember? You faked a slipped disc and your stand-by went out for the matinee. I cured your aching back, didn't I.

  Shirley Abbott : You bastard. Listen, Ned, I want you to get out of here now. I mean it!

• Ned Merrill : My mother gave me 25 cents for mowing the lawn around our house. It seems only a minute ago. I can smell the grass. It's so fast.

• Shirley Abbott : I had a few comforts of my own. When you were on that train back to Connecticut, remember that groovy bellhop in my hotel? Absolutely primitive. No hang ups.

  Ned Merrill : You're lying.

  Shirley Abbott : You got in and called me from the station. I put the phone on a pillow between us so we both could listen. All that sniveling about your innocent wife and innocent children. We laughed so hard we stuffed the sheets in our mouths.

  Ned Merrill : You're lying.

  Shirley Abbott : You'll never know, will you.

• Ned Merrill : We made love together in this pool. And you loved it. Remember?

  Shirley Abbott : I lied.

  Ned Merrill : You loved it, Shirley. You loved it.

  [Ned starts taking off Shirley's swim suit] 

  Shirley Abbott : Ned don't.

  Ned Merrill : Please.

  Shirley Abbott : No!

  Ned Merrill : Baby, please.

  Shirley Abbott : No, Ned, don't. No. Stop it! Ned, don't! Ned, don't. No! Damn you, no!

• Ned Merrill : Shirley, let's go away for a coupla weeks. I read about a great old castle in Ireland. A real one, with a moat and a drawbridge. Some king built it. Hundreds of years ago. It's an inn now, with crazy old fourposters and... big, soft beds with canopies.

  Shirley Abbott : Ned, I want you to go away now.

  Ned Merrill : Will you come with me, Shirley?

  Shirley Abbott : Do you really think it's that easy?

  [She chuckles bitterly] 

  Shirley Abbott : Of course, everything's always been easy for you, hasn't it? You could always get a cab in the rain... a woman into bed. God knows I was easy enough to get.

• Lillian Hunsacker : Well, are you gonna ask him or not?

  Howie Hunsacker : [embarrassed]  Will you shut up?

  Lillian Hunsacker : Okay, then I'll ask him. When are you going to pay your bill, Mr. Merrill?

  Jack Finney : Yeah, how about that? We're decent people trying to make a living.

  Sylvia Finney : We got bills to pay too, you know.

  Lillian Hunsacker : You want to know something? You're the first deadbeat we ever got in our place.

  Howie Hunsacker : Tone it down, Lil!

  Ned Merrill : Wait a minute. Listen. I'm going to send the both of you a check tomorrow.

  Lillian Hunsacker : That's a laugh alright.

  Howie Hunsacker : Alright.

  Lillian Hunsacker : Oh listen, what's the matter with you? He's no friend of yours. His check isn't worth the paper it's written on.

• Howie Hunsacker : Ain't seen you in a dog's age, Mr. Merrill. Too bad you don't get into town anymore.

  Ned Merrill : We sure had a lot of good times, didn't we, Howie?

  Howie Hunsacker : Yeah, I used to count on seeing you 4 or 5 times a week in my place. Few drinks, a hamburger maybe.

  Ned Merrill : How was the series?

  Lillian Hunsacker : [irritated over Ned's unpaid bills]  What are you waiting for? Go on, ask him.

  Howie Hunsacker : What series, Mr. Merrill?

  Ned Merrill : The World Series!

  Howie Hunsacker : Oh, you mean 2 years ago.

• Ned Merrill : That shirt of mine, Julie. Do you still have it?

  Julie Ann Hooper : [bewildered]  No. After a while I decided it was just a shirt. I mean, you had so many shirts I didn't think you'd miss it or anything. Do you mind?

  Ned Merrill : No. But I wish, I wish you had told me how you felt.

  Julie Ann Hooper : [agitated]  Oh, I couldn't. I would have died.

  Ned Merrill : [drawing her near]  There's so little love in the world, Julie. When it's kept a secret it's wasted. Do you see? You're very precious to me. I won't let you ever get scared or hurt.

  Julie Ann Hooper : [growing uneasy]  Mr. Merrill...

  Ned Merrill : If there's anything you want, anything at all, come to me. I'll be your guardian angel.

  Julie Ann Hooper : Mr. Merrill, I...

  [breaks free of his grip and runs away] 

  Ned Merrill : Julie! Julie! Julie!

• Joan : You married?

  Ned Merrill : What's that got to do with it?

  Joan : You divorced? What?

  Ned Merrill : You want to come with me?

  Joan : Where?

  Ned Merrill : Along a river of sapphire pools.

  Joan : I never heard anyone talk like you.

  Ned Merrill : Come with me. Be my love.

  Joan : That I've heard before.

  Ned Merrill : Not from me.

  Joan : You're no different than any other guy.

  Ned Merrill : Oh, but I am. Noble. And splendid.

  Biswangers' Pool Party Guest : Come on, Joan!