Hook, Line and Sinker (1969)

Jerry Lewis: Peter Ingersoll

Photos 

Quotes 

• Scott Carter : There's only one decent thing left for you to do: turn yourself in.

  Peter Ingersoll : Decent thing? That's insane!

  Scott Carter : I'll be behind you all the way.

  Peter Ingersoll : Oh, sure you will. A mile behind me.

• Nancy Ingersoll : Well let's get one thing straight; now you're the boss. You're the breadwinner, you're the head of the family and your decision is final.

  Peter Ingersoll : [folding arms]  Now I'm really in trouble.

  Nancy Ingersoll : I hate to point out the following hard facts to you.

  Peter Ingersoll : [wanting her to get to the point]  Skip the side-dishes and get to the meat...

• Nancy Ingersoll : [crying]  I'll cut expenses all around. Sell the house, get an apartment. Probably get a job, how about you?

  Peter Ingersoll : How about me? I just told you about me.

  Nancy Ingersoll : How are we going to spend the time?

  Peter Ingersoll : Oh... the time I have left... Well you know those one-a-day brand vitamin tablets? Don't buy the economy size. And you might as well cancel my subscription to my "Book-of-the-Month" club, I'm gonna have to learn to read short stories.

  Nancy Ingersoll : [furiously]  Do you know what you're doing to me and the children?

  Peter Ingersoll : [sarcastically]  Well I meant no harm dear, it's just that I've never died before.

• Scott Carter : You have your expected heart attack and die. I witness your death, and as your doctor I sign your death certificate. The coffin is sealed and shipped home for a term, Nancy and the kids collect your life insurance. As for your other debts...

  Peter Ingersoll : [smiling at the realization]  They can't collect from a corpse.

  Scott Carter : [smiling]  Something like that.

  Peter Ingersoll : [skeptically]  Whose corpse are we talking about?

  Scott Carter : Well, certainly not yours.

  Peter Ingersoll : [smiling]  Oh... then we're talking about...

  Peter Ingersoll : [suddenly scared]  ... murder?... Look Scotty, I'm an embezzler already, I don't need a promotion.

• Peter Ingersoll : Picturesque Portugal, by the sea. A beautiful country with marvelous hard working people who work primarily with fish, a very big fish export. And if you think fish smells, wait until you hear the rest of this story. It's a dilly.

• [Peter and Scott enter the mortuary looking for a body that fits Peter's description to send back home for his supposed funeral] 

  Foreign Mortician : I have just what you're looking for.

  Foreign Mortician : [reading the paper he pulls out on the deceased]  "Male, heart attack, six feet, one hundred and seventy five pounds."

  [the mortician pulls out the body] 

  Peter Ingersoll : [to Scott as he pulls the cover off of the deceased to sees that he's a black man]  Too tall.