Twelve Chairs (1971)

Sergey Filippov: Kisa Vorobyaninov

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : Well, I'm going now.

  Ostap Bender : You don't need to hurry anywhere. The secret police will come for you.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : I don't know what you mean.

  Ostap Bender : You soon will.

• Ostap Bender : You owe me 2 roubles for the shave and haircut.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : Why so expensive? It should only cost 40 kopeks.

  Ostap Bender : For reasons of security, Comrade Field Marshal!

• Dvornik Tikhon : Master! Back from Paris!

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : Hello, Tikhon. I certainly haven't come from Paris. Where did you get that strange idea from?

  Ostap Bender : This isn't Paris, but you're welcome to our abode.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : I haven't come from Paris.

  Ostap Bender : Splendid, of course you haven't come from Paris. You've no doubt come from Kologriv to visit your deceased grandmother. My name's Bender. You may have heard of me.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : No, I haven't.

  Ostap Bender : No, how could the name of Ostap-Suleiman-Bertha-Maria Bender Bey be known in Paris?

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : Bertha-Maria Bender... Sounds weird... I haven't come from Paris.

  Ostap Bender : Marvelous. You've come from Morshansk! Is it warm in Paris now?

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : Honestly, I'm a Soviet citizen. I can show you my passport. Here.

  Ostap Bender : With printing being so developed in the West, the forgery of a Soviet passport is nothing.

• Ostap Bender : You're a rather nasty man. You're too fond of money.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : And I suppose you aren't?

  Ostap Bender : No, I'm not.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : They why do you want 60 thousand?

  Ostap Bender : On principle.

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : What? 70 thousand roubles' worth of jewels hidden in a chair! Heaven knows who may sit on that chair!

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : When will you bring the chairs?

  Mechnikov - montyor : Money in advance. The money in the morning, the chairs in the afternoon. The money in the afternoon, the chairs in the evening. The money in the evening, the chairs in the nighttime. The money in the nighttime, the chairs in the morning.

  Ostap Bender : All right, all right. What about the chairs this morning, the money in the afternoon?

  Mechnikov - montyor : No problem. But the money should be paid in advance. The money in the morning, and in the evening...

• Storozh kluba : And here, dear citizens, is that very surprise... that very chair I was talking about. Get up, soldier boy. I used to be the watchman. A no-good club it was. Then, in the spring, Comrade Krasilnikov bought a new chair. Once I clambered onto it to fix a placard to the wall, I slipped off the chair and the coverin' was torn off. It turned out, them bourgeois people hid their jewelry there.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : It can't be!

  Storozh kluba : Believe it or not. The club was built with them. And I was paid a bonus of 50 silver roubles. I bought this costume on that money. Let's go on. I'll show you our gymnasium. Come on.

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : It can't be! It can't be!

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : The weather's so wonderful at present. It's mischievous May, it's magical May, who is waving his fan of freshness!

• Ostap Bender : 500 can save the master-mind.

  Kislyarskiy : Won't 200 save the master-mind?

  Kisa Vorobyaninov : I consider that haggling is somewhat out of place here.

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : Oh, my God, what are you doing? My jacket! I've been wearing it for 15 years, and it's as good as new.

  Ostap Bender : Don't get excited, it soon won't be. Give me your hat.

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : Never, never has Vorobyaninov held out his hand.

  Ostap Bender : Then you can stretch out your feet, you silly old ass!

• Kisa Vorobyaninov : What shall I sing?

  Ostap Bender : Anything but God Save the Tsar.