Myra Breckinridge (1970)

Mae West: Leticia

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Letitia has been pulled over by a policeman] 

  Leticia Van Allen : Don't forget to remind me about the policeman's balls - I mean police show!

• Leticia Van Allen : How tall are you when you're off your horse, cowboy?

  Young Man at "Interview" : Um, six feet, seven inches, ma'am.

  Leticia Van Allen : Well, never mind the six feet, and let's talk about the seven inches.

• Leticia Van Allen : Well, the end of another busy day. I can't wait till I get back to bed. If that don't work I'll try to sleep.

• Myra Breckinridge : Oh, Leticia, they don't call you the queen of the casting couch for nothing.

  Leticia Van Allen : Hm, from what I understand, they're voting me a special Academy Award.

  Myra Breckinridge : An Oscar?

  Leticia Van Allen : No. A golden phallus. And let me tell you, one day we'll have our own stable of studs.

  Myra Breckinridge : A steady stream of sturdy studs!

  Leticia Van Allen : Hm, a boy bank where credit is always good. Sort of a layered day plan.

  Myra Breckinridge : God bless America!

  Leticia Van Allen : God help America!

• [talent agent Leticia Van Allen is in her office with a young male client] 

  Leticia Van Allen : Well, I don't care about your credits as long as you're oversexed.

  Stud : Oh, that's one of my credits!

  [a curtain goes up behind Leticia, revealing a bed] 

  Stud : A bed! I never did see a bed in an office before.

  Leticia Van Allen : Well, you see I, I do a lot of night work sometimes.

• Leticia Van Allen : It doesn't take much, c'mon get your fill of it! Do something just for the thrill of it!

• Leticia Van Allen : You impressed me immensely. I'll keep you in mind as a summer replacement. Next.

• Leticia Van Allen : I'll be right with you, boys. Get your resumes out.

• Mario : Federico Fellini, the great director, tell me to look you up.

  Leticia Van Allen : Oh, Fellini. Oh, yes. He's my friend. Mmm. Did he say look me up or eat me up?

• Letitia's Secretary : Hmm, hundreds of broads at his feet. Get a test on this guy.

  Letitia's Secretary : A screen test?

  Leticia Van Allen : No. A blood test.

• Leticia Van Allen : You have all the kinky angles that are in right now. What about studs?

  Myra Breckinridge : Heaven.

  Leticia Van Allen : I mean, have you any that I don't know about?

  Myra Breckinridge : Uh, only one that's really "A" material. I know you'd like him. He's our pride and joy. He's the last stronghold of masculinity in this Disneyland of perversion.

  Leticia Van Allen : It looks like he's got quite a lot going for him.

• Leticia Van Allen : [singing]  You gotta taste all the fruit, You gotta drink all the wine...

• Leticia Van Allen : [singing]  Baby, here I am I'm a girl on the scene, I can give you what you want, But you better come home with me, I've got some good old lovin', And I've got some more in store, When I get through throwin' it on you, You gotta come back for more, Girls and things will come by the dozen, That ain't nothin' but good store lovin', Good lookin' thing, let me light your candle, 'Cause baby I'm sure hard to handle, Yes I am, mmm...

• Mario : In my country, to wait for love is to burn by inches.

  Leticia Van Allen : Ooh, you've got it all measured out.

  Mario : When Mario makes love, the bird sing, the bells ring.

  Leticia Van Allen : And everything it swings. You're the wildest salesman since Columbus.

  Mario : Columbus, he was a good lover too.

  Leticia Van Allen : Yeah, I know-a. He raise-a the hell-a with Isabella.

• Leticia Van Allen : You know I think all the gay boys are going to take the business over. There's no more studs around anymore. Everyone's poppin' pills and, em, smokin' grass.

• Myra Breckinridge : Permit me to say that you are the only brain comparable to my late husband's.

  Leticia Van Allen : Ooh, I appreciate that, honey, but what did your late husband do?

  Myra Breckinridge : He wrote books about the movies.

  Leticia Van Allen : Oh. Was he gay?

  Myra Breckinridge : Ostensibly he was Americana - a terelyne-hosed chick-baller from East 57th Street, but underneath it all...

  Leticia Van Allen : He was gay.