The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1970)

Colin Blakely: Dr. Watson

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Quotes 

• Watson : Holmes, let me ask you a question. I hope I'm not being presumptuous, but... there *have* been women in your life, haven't there?

  Holmes : The answer is yes...

  Watson : [Watson breathes a sigh of relief] 

  Holmes : ...You're being presumptuous. Good night.

• Watson : [the doorbell rings]  Were you expecting someone?

  Holmes : Not at this time of night.

  Watson : Perhaps Mrs Hudson is entertaining.

  Holmes : I've never found her so.

• [Holmes is about to inject cocaine] 

  Watson : Where's your self-control?

  Holmes : Fair question.

  Watson : Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

  Holmes : Thoroughly. This will take care of it.

• [about Madame Petrova] 

  Watson : They say twelve men have died for her.

  Holmes : Really?

  Watson : Six commited suicide, four were killed in duels and one fell out of the gallery of the Vienna Opera House.

  Holmes : That's only eleven.

  Watson : The man who fell from the gallery landed on top of another man in the orchestra.

  Holmes : That makes an even dozen... in a messy sort of way.

• Holmes : Look at this: an urgent appeal to find some missing midgets.

  Watson : Did you say "midgets"?

  Holmes : Six of them, the Tumbling Piccolos, an acrobatic act of some circus.

  Watson : [Reading the letter]  Disappeared between London and Bristol. Well don't you find that intriguing?

  Holmes : Extremely so. You see, they're not only midgets, but also anarchists.

  Watson : Anarchists?

  Holmes : By now, they have been smuggled to Vienna, dressed as little girls in organdy pinafores. They are to greet the czar of all the Russias when he arrives at the railway station. They will be carrying bouquets of flowers, and concealed in each bouquet will be a bomb with a lit fuse.

  Watson : [Breathlessly]  You really think so?

  Holmes : Not at all. The circus owner offers me five pounds for my services. That's not even a pound a midget. So obviously, he's a stingy blighter and the little chaps simply ran off to join another circus.

  Watson : [Crestfallen]  It sounded so promising.

• Watson : You call yourself logical? You're the least logical man I know.

  Holmes : Am I?

  Watson : How can you say it's a figment of my imagination when for years you've been saying I have no imagination whatsoever?

• Holmes : [Discussing Watson's portrayal of Holmes in 'Strand' Magazine]  I don't dislike women, I merely distrust them. The twinkle in the eye and the arsenic in the soup...

  Watson : You see it's touches like that which make you colourful.

  Holmes : Lurid, more like!

• Watson : Wouldn't it be ironic if Holmes' last case were a case of pneumonia?

• Holmes : You've painted me as a hopeless dope addict just because I occasionally take a five-percent solution of cocaine.

  Watson : A *seven-percent* solution...

  Holmes : Five percent. Don't you think I'm aware you've been diluting it behind my back?

  Watson : As a doctor, as well as your friend, I strongly disapprove of this insidious habit of yours.

  Holmes : My dear friend, as well as my dear doctor, I only resort to narcotics when I'm suffering from acute boredom, when there are no interesting cases to engage my mind.