What's Up, Doc? (1972)

Madeline Kahn: Eunice Burns

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eunice : Don't you know the meaning of propriety?

  Judy : Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette."

• Judge Maxwell : Officer! What are these people being charged with

  Arresting Officer : It's kind of hard to explain, Judge.

  Judge Maxwell : Give it a shot.

  Arresting Officer : Well we picked most of them out of San Francisco bay.

  Judge Maxwell : Entering the country illegally?

  Arresting Officer : No sir, they drove in.

  Judge Maxwell : Into the country?

  Arresting Officer : Into the bay.

  Judge Maxwell : Ah, that's better. Unauthorized use of public water.

  Arresting Officer : Mostly in stolen cars.

  Judge Maxwell : Ah ha, that's grand larceny.

  Arresting Officer : Then there was a shooting...

  Judge Maxwell : That's assault with a deadly weapon.

  Frederick Larrabee : They broke into my home.

  Judge Maxwell : That's breaking and entering.

  Frederick Larrabee : [indicating Eunice]  And brought her with them forcibly!

  Judge Maxwell : That's kidnapping.

  Eunice : They tried to molest me.

  Judge Maxwell : That's... unbelievable.

• Eunice : I'm not looking for romance, Howard.

  Howard : Oh?

  Eunice : No, I'm looking for something more important than that, something stronger. As the years go by, romance fades and something else takes its place. Do you know what that is?

  Howard : Senility?

  Eunice : Trust!

  Howard : That's what I meant.

• Eunice : Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself.

  Howard : What? Oh, well, I'll probably say something like "Hello there, Mr Larrabee. I'm Howard."

  Eunice : You are not.

  Howard : I am not Howard.

  Eunice : You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard." Anyone could say that! Anyone.

  Howard : Anyone named Howard.

• Judy : Steve, you didn't tell me you were married.

  Howard : We're not married.

  Judy : Congratulations.

  Eunice : But we will be soon.

  Judy : Condolences.

• Banquet Receptionist : This woman claims to be a Eunice Burns.

  Eunice : I am not "A" Eunice Burns, I am "THE" Eunice Burns!

• Eunice : [fighting off a waiter trying to restrain her]  Howard! Howard Bannister! They're trying, they're trying to keep me out!

  Frederick Larrabee : [to Howard]  Who is that dangerously unbalanced woman?

  Eunice : Howard! Howard! Tell them who I am. Tell them who I am. I *demand* that you tell them who I am right this minute.

  Howard : [after a long pause]  I never saw this woman before in my life.

  [Eunice faints and is dragged from the room, leaving scuff marks on the floor. Judy whistles] 

• Judy : I think I'll get dressed now.

  Eunice : [on telephone]  Howard, who was that?

  Howard : Who was what?

  Eunice : I heard a voice say something about getting dressed.

  Howard : It's the television set, Eunice. There's a movie on - a war movie. They're getting dressed for the big battle.

  Eunice : It was a woman's voice!

  Howard : Yes; they're lady soldiers, Eunice. It's called "The Fighting WACs".

• Eunice : What is that?

  Howard : It's a bath, Eunice. I was going to take a bath.

  Eunice : Since when do you take bubble baths?

  Howard : It came out of the faucet that way.

• Howard : Eunice. Eunice. Eunice, please open the door, I have wonderful news.

  Eunice : I do not want your apologies Howard. I think it is too late for that.

  Howard : All right. No apologies.

  Eunice : Have you no heart? I would have thought after all you have done you would come crawling for forgiveness.

• Eunice : Well come in, I'll do your tie.

  Howard : What tie is that Eunice?

  Eunice : Your tie. The tie in your hand.

• Judy : [to operator on hotel phone]  Uh, Miss Eunice Burns, please.

  Eunice : [Answers phone]  Yes?

  Judy : [Switches to heavy Brooklyn accent]  Miss Burns, uh this is Sylvia, Mr. Larrabee's personal secretary. There's been a little mixup in the invitation for this afternoon.

  Eunice : Yes.

  Judy : Yes. The luncheon has been switched from Mr. Larrabee's home to one of the Larrabee Foundation offices.

  Eunice : Oh, but Mr. Bannister has already gone for the...

  Judy : Oh yes, I managed to catch Mr. Bannister on his way out and tell him. The address of the luncheon is - uh do you have a pencil, darling?

  Eunice : Yes.

  Judy : 459 Dirella Street.

  Eunice : Dirella...

  Judy : Yes, Second floor.

  Eunice : I see. Well thank you, Miss...

  Judy : Uh Louise.

  Eunice : I thought you said 'Sylvia'?

  Judy : Uh yes, Sylvia-Louise, you know, with a hyphen.

• Eunice : [while Judge Maxwell is making a list of crimes with which to charge a group of people]  They tried to molest me.

  Judge Maxwell : That's...

  [looks at Eunice] 

  Judge Maxwell : unbelievable.

• Eunice : Howard, you are not being open with me.

  Howard : I am being open with you, Eunice. I am always open.

  [Someone knocks on the door] 

  Howard : It's open!

• Eunice : Since when have you taken bubble baths?

  Howard : It came out of the faucet that way, Eunice.

• Fritz : Don't touch his rocks.

  Eunice : I'll take care of those.

• Fritz : I am afraid one of our guests has lost something.

  Eunice : Well, I fail to see how it could possibly be in here unless it crawled here under its own power.

  Fritz : Precisely Miss Burns.

  Eunice : What are you saying?

  Fritz : It appears one of our guests, a wealthy eccentric, has lost his pet snake.

  [Eunice screams and jumps onto the bed] 

  Fritz : Calm yourself, Miss Burns. May I suggest you shut yourself in the bathroom for a few moments while I search your room?

  Eunice : What if it's in there?

  Fritz : Impossible, madam. Snakes, as you know, live in mortal fear of... tile.

  [Eunice scurries into the bathroom] 

  Fritz : [reaches under bed and pulls out one of the cases]  It's all right Miss Burns. You can come out now.

  Eunice : What more can they do to me?

• Eunice : Mr Larrabee.

  Frederick Larrabee : Frederick.

  Eunice : Frederick. Will you help me?

  Frederick Larrabee : Yes, I will. Who are you?

  Eunice : I am Eunice Burns.

  Hugh : Who cares who she is. We're going to be killed.

• Eunice : Don't kick those rocks, you Philistine!

• Eunice : Why are your rocks in the bathroom?