- Steve Spelberg: [referring to Columbo's pet beagle] He doesn't look like a police dog.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, he isn't. He's a policeman's dog. Believe me, there's a big difference.
- Steve Spelberg: It's the second time in two days I've been treated like a kid.
- Lt. Columbo: When was the other time?
- Steve Spelberg: Uh, when Dr. Cahill asked me to go to the movies, yesterday. He's never done that before.
- Lt. Columbo: [intrigued] Is that a fact?
- Steve Spelberg: Does that mean somethin', Lieutenant?
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, I don't know, Steve, but when people do something for the first time, detectives always get curious.
- Farnsworth: Lieutenant, I have been dean of this academy for over twenty years, and we have never had a situation like this.
- Lt. Columbo: Believe me, sir, I know you've done your best.
- Farnsworth: If a student fails, we consider it OUR failure, not his.
- Lt. Columbo: To be honest with ya, I was afraid of something like this. We've had a lot of problems with him at home.
- Farnsworth: Then you do understand we consider it best that you withdraw him.
- Lt. Columbo: Yes, sir.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: Neil, be as humble as you like. Einstein was the most modest man I ever met.
- Neil Cahill: Sure, he could afford to be. He was a genius.
- Dr. Howard Nicholson: [to Marshall about his son] He stole the work of a giant to win the approval of a tyrant.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: [to Neil] You know, sometimes you make humility sound more like a vice than a virtue.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: Right now you are in an institution where any staff member, including your little friend Steve, will tell you that a theory isn't worth a damn unless it can be proved.
- Lt. Columbo: It's the same way at the institute that I work at, Doctor.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: [to Columbo] You know, you have a very transparent mind, which in no way implies clear thinking.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, think tank! Oh, I read about that in the paper. Yeah, that's, uh, that's a place full of geniuses, right?
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: Well...
- Lt. Columbo: Right. Uh, may I ask, sir, uh, just what is it that YOU do here?
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: I'm the director.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: You don't seem too pleased.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, you know, Doctor, I've been running into people by the dozens who couldn't have murdered Professor Nicholson. I wish I could run into one who COULD have.
- Lt. Columbo: So you had an hour to kill before you had to get back to the airport.
- Neil Cahill: I take it you mean to use that phrase, "to kill." You mean that literally.
- Lt. Columbo: No, I was just using a figure of speech. I'm not making an accusation.
- Neil Cahill: [about Columbo] I'm telling you, he thinks I did it.
- Margaret Nicholson: I don't think he does. He's a lot wiser about people than he cares to show, or perhaps than we recognize.
- Neil Cahill: He's a cop. He's gotta hang this on SOMEBODY.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: Alright Lieutenant, you win. I did it.
- Lt. Columbo: Did ya Doctor?
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: I don't know whether or not you'd really hang this on Neil. You're a strange man. It was a bluff I couldn't afford to call.
- Dr. Marshall Cahill: Lieutenant, you've obviously been conducting an experiment calculated to demonstrate that double-M-7 could have operated the computer the night of the murder.
- Lt. Columbo: Boy, you just saved a lot of time there, Doctor.
- Lt. Columbo: Yes, sir, you sure did.
- Lt. Columbo: That's exactly what we were doing.