Carry on England (1976)

Windsor Davies: Sergeant-Major 'Tiger' Bloomer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [the anti-aircraft battery experiences its first real air raid]  Move yourselves! Move yourselves! Come on, come on! Sixpence for every one you shoot down, two bob if it is a German!

• [scene that was censored by British Board of Film Classification for the use of the word Focke] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Aircraft recognition. These is your new pin-ups. I bet none of you can tell the difference between a couple of Heinkels and a pair of Bristols.

  Sgt. Len Able : No, but I can recognise a Focke when I see one.

• [welcoming Capt S. Melly] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Welcome to 1313 anti-aircraft battery Sir!

• Capt. S. Melly : You up there! What's your name?

  Bombardier Ready : Ready, sir.

  Capt. S. Melly : Ready? Ready... Willing... Able... This is ridiculous.

  [Ready twitches] 

  Capt. S. Melly : What are you doing?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Twitching, Sir!

  Capt. S. Melly : I can see that Sergeant Major, but why is he twitching?

  Bombardier Ready : It's me nerves, Sir!

  Capt. S. Melly : Trying to twitch your ticket, eh? Well, it won't work, Bombardier. You're in the army for the duration. Twitch your way out of that!

  [Bombardier Ready keeps twitching] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Twitch off!

  [Leans closer] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Wasted on me, boy!

  Capt. S. Melly : Good man, and what's your name?

  Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse.

  [Melly reacts] 

  Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse, Sir, that's my name!

  [Melly moves along the line] 

  Capt. S. Melly : And what is your name, my man? Er... woman.

  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : Jennifer Ffoukes Sharpe, Sir, the Sharpe with an E and two F's in the Ffoukes. How do you do?

  [Pvt Ffoukes crushes Capt S. Melly's hand while shaking it] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [Leaning in]  She too is also a ball squeezer, Sir.

  Capt. S. Melly : Do your shoelace up and look sharp about it, Sharpe.

  [She does so. before grabbing Sgt Maj Bloomer's leg and biting it] 

  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : [Standing up]  Oh, Tiger! I think you wonderful. When are you going to savage me?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : If only you was a man I would sort you out!

  Capt. S. Melly : [Pointing to Pvt. Owen's foot]  Well, you seem to have put your foot in it!

  Gunner Owen : Not so much my foot, Sir, more my big toe.

  Capt. S. Melly : What's wrong with your big toe?

  Gunner Owen : Sprained it, Sir, didn't I, when I fell out of bed.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Pushed out of bed, more like!

  Capt. S. Melly : [Turns to Bloomer]  Pushed out of bed, Sgt Maj?

• Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : But I couldn't bear it, darling, if you strained something before we'd even... you know.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : I do not know!

  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : Let me teach you.

  [picks up an artillery shell] 

  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : I find these things awfully exciting, I don't know why.

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Shall we commence in the Mess, Sir?

  Brigadier : We seem to be in it already.

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : I beg your pardon, Sir, but I has found you gets more out of the shower if they're's allowed to wake up sort of gradual like.

  Capt. S. Melly : Well from now on, they're going to wake up sort of sudden like.

• [Capt. Melly gets a rubbish bin stuck on his backside] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Permission to un-numb bum, Sir?

  Capt. S. Melly : [shouts]  Get on with it!

  [Bloomer slaps Melly's bum and Melly yells with pain] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Cruel to be kind, Sir. Cruel to be kind.

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : This is one of these new mixed batteries.

  Capt. S. Melly : So, that's what the Brigadier meant when he said this battery was an experiment.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Experiment, Sir. One does not need to experiment. They get that right of way, and all the time.

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Ah yes, Sir. They gives me a headache too.

  Capt. S. Melly : It's not a headache. It's the stomach. There's a button in it.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : What you may now call a belly button, Sir.

  [laughs] 

  Capt. S. Melly : Oh, shut up!

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : With respect, sir. 20 years I've been a Sergeant Major. Nobody told me to shut up before. I is the person what tells people to shut up, sir. It's one of the most important parts of my...

  Capt. S. Melly : Shut up!

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Up!

• Capt. S. Melly : What the blue blank blazes is that?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : It's a gun, Sir.

  Capt. S. Melly : But it's made of wood.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : It's not a real gun yet, Sir.

  Capt. S. Melly : A gun emplacement without a real gun?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : With all respect, Sir. Remember there's a war on. Real guns is hard to come by.

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Now, grit your teeth and we will have it off in a minute.

• Capt. S. Melly : Surely you don't mean a bit of the other?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : There's that or the other, Sir. No matter what you call it, they has had it all, all the time. Been in and out of each others quarters like fiddler's elbows.

• Capt. S. Melly : I'm going to make a couple of points here. Sergeant Major, when I said "that's all", I didn't mean "that's all", I meant "that's all", that's all.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : That sounds like a lot of all's, Sir.

• Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [about their dogs]  Yours may be bigger than mine, Sir. But I've been told mines got more bite.

• [Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe has rammed a round into the gun] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Get that thing out of there!

  Capt. S. Melly : [Whispering]  She rammed it up, it can stay up!

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : In that case, gun loaded, Sir!