The First Nudie Musical (1976)

Bruce Kimmel: John Smithee

Quotes 

• John Smithee : Shit we can make a fucking good bitch of a bastard movie if we all pull together and work as a whore-loving cunt-penis team.

• John Smithee : I just look young. I'm really 23.

• Harry Schechter : When you go in there tomorrow, you got to act like you know what you're talking about. You got to be gutsy! You got to use filthy language. Otherwise, they're going to walk all over you. Now, now. Now, this picture has everything, John. We got your - tits, ass, fucking, fondling, oral sex. You don't have anything against oral sex, do you, John?

  John Smithee : No. I like to talk about sex as much as the next fellow.

• John Smithee : Well, yes, you know, I - I - I - I believe in a - a - a fluid camera, you know, a - a - a - a Minellian camera.

  Asst Director : [chuckles]  Who gives a shit.

• John Smithee : I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.

  Schlong : Henry Schlong.

  John Smithee : Schlong? Is that Chinese? Oh, now, in this scene - you know, I - I wouldn't wear the dark glasses or the hat because the scene is supposed to be - you know - making love.

  Schlong : I'm not here for making love. I'm here for fucking.

• John Smithee : Hi, girls. How are you? That's a nice set of knockers you got there. Beep-beep!

• John Smithee : Shall we get a rehearsal?

  Miss Mary La Rue : Rehearsal? Just roll the goddamn camera.

  John Smithee : Fine. Lights, Cameras...

  Miss Mary La Rue : Knock it off!

  [grabs Schlong, throws him on the bed] 

  Miss Mary La Rue : Action! Oh-oh...

  Slate : Cock Inserts. Take 1.

  Miss Mary La Rue : Oh-oh-oh!

• John Smithee : Now, *think* about the scene and - action, Mary.

  Slate : Scene: Soixante Neuf. Take 12.