Silver Streak (1976)
Gene Wilder: George Caldwell
Photos
Quotes
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George Caldwell : You stupid, ignorant son of a bitch, dumb bastard. Jesus Christ. I've met some dumb bastards in my time but you outdo them all.
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[George is pretending to be a black man in order to evade the police]
George Caldwell : I don't think we're going to make it past the cops.
Grover Muldoon : We'll make it past the cops. I just hope we don't see no Muslims.
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George Caldwell : I can't pass for black.
Grover Muldoon : Who you tellin'?I didn't say I was gonna make you black. I said I was gonna get you on the train. Now we got to make them cops think you're black.
[rubs shoe polish on George's face]
George Caldwell : It'll never work. Never.
Grover Muldoon : What, you afraid it won't come off?
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[repeated line]
George Caldwell : [each time he jumps, falls, is thrown or is pushed off the train] Son of a bitch!
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George Caldwell : [In the midst of battle, a table collapsed on Grover] Are you alright?
Grover Muldoon : [immediately recovers] Is it over?
George Caldwell : [lets table drop on him] Shit.
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[George drinks over his loss of Hilly, and tells Bob]
George Caldwell : Did you know... that the Brainard Tunnel is the highest point on this line?
Bob Sweet : Yeah, yeah. I knew that.
George Caldwell : Did you know that when we reach it I intend to be higher?
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Night Watchman : [Grover has hot wired a Jaguar; the night watchman approaches from behind, shotgun poised] Hold it right there, nigger.
Grover Muldoon : Hey, how you doing, old dude, what's happenin'?
Night Watchman : [Gestures with gun] Step away from the car.
Grover Muldoon : Oh, I was listening to the engine. 'Sounds real good, man. Does it come with white walls?
Night Watchman : Just move!
Grover Muldoon : All right, I'm gonna move. You just take it easy, lower that rifle.
Night Watchman : I said mo -
[George tackles him]
George Caldwell : A pussy, huh? A PUSSY? Can we go now?
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George Caldwell : What do you think?
Grover Muldoon : I think you better make a right up here and then a sharp left. I'm coming over.
[climbs over the seat. George suddenly swerves the car, causing Grover to lunge forward]
Grover Muldoon : Jesus Christ, man, is that how you murdered your victims? Put them in a car and bounced them to death?
George Caldwell : Sorry.
Grover Muldoon : Sorry, my ass. You dangerous... Proves one thing though, you don't do this for no living.
George Caldwell : No I don't.
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George Caldwell : I did not Kill Sweet.
Chief Donaldson : We Know that, but if you weren't so dumb you could've realized that we planted that news story for your own protection.
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George Caldwell : I've never milked a cow before.
Rita : Cut the gas, Steve, you're a grown man. I'm sure you've had some similar experience.
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Grover Muldoon : What do they want you for?
George Caldwell : Murder.
Grover Muldoon : Drop me off anywhere along here okay? I don't mess with the Big M.
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George Caldwell : I know what goes where, and why.
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Grover Muldoon : So this is Mr. Big.
George Caldwell : That's the man.
Grover Muldoon : You ain't saying shit now, Mr. Big.
Roger Devereau : I must admit that I'm slightly at a loss for words. But on the other hand, I should warn you that you are a killer and you are wanted by the police in every state and I recommend that you, uh... be careful.
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George Caldwell : [Grover has just told George they have to jump from the train] No! I've left this train twice already!
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George Caldwell : [looking at the wrecked locomotive] Kind of looks like it's grinning.
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George Caldwell : You're very beautiful, Hilly.
Hilly Burns : I like you too, George.
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Sheriff Chauncey : Is he with the feds?
George Caldwell : Who?
Sheriff Chauncey : This guy Rembrandt.
George Caldwell : Rembrandt is dead.
Sheriff Chauncey : Dead? That makes four. Listen, fella, are you sure you're not making this up as you go along? I'm an officer of the law and I got a lot better things to do than listen to that kind of funnin'.
[buzzer sounds]
Sheriff Chauncey : That's my hotline. Now you take your time to get your facts straight 'cause when I come back I want your answers clear and to the point. Got that? And you can start with who shot Rembrandt!
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George Caldwell : What did you come back here for?
Grover Muldoon : You forgot your wallet.
George Caldwell : Oh, some thief you are.
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George Caldwell : If there's ever anything that you need... don't call me.
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Grover Muldoon : [driving away in a stolen car] Take it easy, killer. Stay loose.
Hilly Burns : What's he doing?
George Caldwell : He's crazy.
Hilly Burns : Crazy? He's got the right idea. Let's get out of here and go to a park.
George Caldwell : A park?
Hilly Burns : Yeah, I wanna lie back on the grass and have you teach me some more about gardening.
[they kiss]
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Bob Sweet : What were you doing back there? Getting a little ass?
George Caldwell : No, i was squeezing tits!
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Roger Devereau : [annoyed] You get out of...
Grover Muldoon : See what I...
Roger Devereau : You ignorant NIGGER!
Grover Muldoon : [Pulls gun out at points it at Devereau] Hey man, who you calling nigger, huh? You don't know me well enough to call me nigger! I'll slap the taste out your mouth! You don't even know my name! I'll whoop your ass, beat the white off your ass!
Hilly Burns : Who ARE you?
Grover Muldoon : I'm a thief!
George Caldwell : [Grabs Devereau's gun] It's all right, Hilly. He's a friend of mine.
Hilly Burns : Hello.
Grover Muldoon : Hi.
Hilly Burns : Hi.
Grover Muldoon : So this is Mister Big?
George Caldwell : That's the man.
Grover Muldoon : [to Devereau] You ain't saying shit now, Mister Big.
Roger Devereau : I must admit that I'm slightly at a loss for words. But on the other hand, I should warn you that you are a killer and you are wanted by the police in every state and I recommend that you, uh, be careful.
George Caldwell : You're the killer who's wanted by the police in every state. That man you had shot wasn't a vitamin salesman, he was a federal agent. They've been after you for two years, ever since that plane crash in Cologne, Germany, when you caused a hundred people to die just to cover up your link with the scandal at the Metropolitan Gallery. So why don't we get them the proof that they wanted? Let's go and get the Rembrandt letters.
[points the gun at Devereau]
George Caldwell : Get up.
Roger Devereau : If you insist.
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[as Grover leaves the men's restroom to go buy tickets for the Silver Streak, George continues to put brown shoe polish on his face whilst dancing to the music on the radio]
George Caldwell : [to himself] Come on, man. Get some jive going. Be cool. Shake it, but don't break it. That's it. Hey man, how do I look? "You look sharp, mister." I feel sharp! Ya hear? I feel like the sun around midnight. You dig? Outta sight! Get down! Get down! Feeling good! Feeling fine! Feeling real fine! That's it, just loosen up those hips, sugar. All you whiteys got a tight ass! Yeah, get that ass moving there! Outta sight! I'm a macaroni! Get down! I'm the king, number one baby!
[Scatting to the music, George stops abruptly when the Shoe shiner see him; shocked]
George Caldwell : Uh... uh... I'm not...
Shoeshiner : Hey, you-you must be in pretty big trouble, fellow. But for God's sake, learn to keep time.
George Caldwell : [snaps fingers; scatting] Ba, ba, ba, ba ba.
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Hilly : Do you really edit sex manuals?
George : I really, really do. But, I have a confession to make.
Hilly : Oh?
George : I'm much better on books on gardening.
Hilly : Really?
George : That's my specialty.
Hilly : Well, is there anything that you might - want to pass on?
George : You mean about gardening?
Hilly : Yes. Some helpful - hints for the beginner.
George : Well, one tip is always be nasty to nasturtiums.
Hilly : Is that so?
George : They love that.
Hilly : They like it rough
George : The rougher - the better.
Hilly : Great!
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George : Milk her? I've never milked a cow before.
Rita Babtree : Cut the gas, Steve, you're a grown man. I'm sure you've had some similar experience.
[laughs]
Rita Babtree : Look, you just sit down, take a tit in each hand and let nature take its course.
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[Grover is attempting to hot wire a Jaguar]
Grover Muldoon : I'm following the plan. Just changed my mind.
George Caldwell : Are you crazy? I thought we were gonna take the Chevy in back.
Grover Muldoon : Chevy? That's a jerk-off, man. This here is pure pussy.
George Caldwell : Pure pussy? Tell that to the judge.
Grover Muldoon : Don't worry about no judge, Man, this thing gonna get us to Kansas City on time.
George Caldwell : How about jail? Did you know that the office is right in front of us?
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George Caldwell : [climbs into the sheriff's car while pointing a gun] Keep those hands up! Keep'em up!
Moose : Uncle Oliver, he's taking your car.
[George speeds away]
Sheriff Chauncey : You ain't never gonna get away with... You ain't never...!
Moose : Uncle Oliver. Uncle Oliver, he's got your car...
Sheriff Chauncey : Moose! One more word out of you and I'm gonna smash your mouth.
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Grover Muldoon : What're you slowin' down for?
George Caldwell : There's a truck up ahead.
Grover Muldoon : So, there's a truck up ahead. What you waitin' for, you the man, turn on the siren, get them hippies off the road!
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George Caldwell : You like my new shoes?
Hilly Burns : Yes I do. Why don't you take them off?
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Ralston : Sir, do you think you'll be needing all these bags? If not, I can store some of them down towards the end.
George Caldwell : [has brought 3 bags and an attache] Sure, sure, all I need is this one and that one. You can take this one, and I'll keep the brief case.
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George Caldwell : Is there any way to get to the engine from here?
Ralston : There's no way to get to the engine at all. How come we're going so fast?
George Caldwell : There's nobody driving the train.
Ralston : Oh, that's impossible. The train would stop.
George Caldwell : Does it look like it is stopping to you?
Ralston : [looks out the window] Sure in the hell don't. I'm gonna pull the emergency brake.
Grover Muldoon : The emergency brakes have been cut.
Ralston : [pauses] Damn hippies!
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Hilly Burns : You do that very well.
George Caldwell : I give great french.
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George Caldwell : That's my driver's license picture. I hate that picture.
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Grover Muldoon : Get up, Whiney!
Roger Devereau : [to Whiney] Just do as he says.
George Caldwell : Get the letters, Hilly.
[Hilly heads to the safe to collect the Rembrandt letters]
Roger Devereau : Mr. Caldwell, I take it that you are a reasonable man, and like all men, you place a reasonable value on you life.
George Caldwell : Are you trying to bribe me?
Roger Devereau : No, I'm merely pointing out that life is short, and the smart man hedges his bets.
George Caldwell : You can't protect bets. If there's one thing I have learned from this trip, it's that you play the game and take what you get.
Hilly Burns : [grabs the letters] I've found them.
George Caldwell : Come here, Hilly.
[Johnson barges in and fires at George and Grover]
Roger Devereau : [yells] GET THE GIRL!
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Sweet : Have you had a chance yet to check out the action?
George : No. Actually, this is the first time I've ever taken a train.
Sweet : You're kidding me.
George : No.
Sweet : Come on. Well, you're in for the ride of your life.
George : Oh, yeah?
Sweet : You just pick out a little chickie, my friend, and it's hug and munch all the way to Chicago.
George : Really?
George : I do it all the time. I tell my boss that I'm afraid of flying and I get this action twice a year. It's a cathouse on wheels! Hey, listen, come on. It's something about the movement of the train that does it. All that motion makes a girl horny.
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Rita Babtree : You ain't from around here, are you?
George : No, I'm lost. I'm not lost, but I was thrown off of the Silver Streak.
Rita Babtree : Thrown off? That a fact? Tell me, is there a woman in this?
George : Well, there's a girl, but...
Rita Babtree : I knew it!
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Rita Babtree : You never buzzed sheep?
George : I don't think so.
Rita Babtree : Hold on, Steve, we're going in!
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George : This huge mountain with a gold mine stuck in his gums picked me up and threw me off the train.
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George : You stupid, ignorant, son-of-a-bitch, dumb bastard! Jesus Christ!, I've met some dumb bastards in my time, but you outdo them all! Get over there! What the hell do you think I'm doing? I come here to help a girl.
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[attempting to milk a cow for the first time]
George Caldwell : Nice, fresh milk. Here it comes. Nothing's coming out though. Here we go. All right, now, I know I'm a slow starter, but where's Niagara Falls?
