The Goodbye Girl (1977)

Paul Benedict: Mark

Quotes 

• Mark : Now, what about Richard? Historically we know that Richard was born with severe curvature of the spine. Thus giving the impression that he was hunch backed. There was some paralysis of the right foot and the left hand, Olivier chose to play the left foot and the right hand, God knows why. As well as nerve damage to the right cheek and the eyelids. I mean, the man was your basic gimp let's face it. All of which bring us, thanks to the wise and rich Mrs. Estelle Morganwise, to this production. Is that the way we want to play Richard? If you do then this director would just as soon do a six week stint on the Sonny and Cher Show. Richard the third was a flaming homosexual. So was Shakespere for that matter. But that angry mob at the Globe Theater wasn't about to plunk down two shillings to see a bunch of pansies jumping about on the stage. It was society that crippled Richard not childbirth. I mean, read your texts. He sent those two cute little boys up to the tower and nobody ever saw them again. I mean, we all know why, don't we? What I want to do here is to strip Richard bare, metaphorically. Let's get rid of the hump. Let's get rid of the twisted extremeties and show him for what he would be today. The queen who wanted to be king.

  Mark : [sees Elliot raising his hand]  Yes?

  Elliot Garfield : Question. Are you serious?

  Mark : Now, what's the objection Elliot?

  Elliot Garfield : Well, number 1 I have to play it. Number 2 I like the hump and the club foot and number 3 I've been working on the part for 3 months.

  Mark : And I respect that. I mean, that's why were here, isn't it? To exchange ideas. So, how do you see Richard, Mr. Macho?

  Elliot Garfield : No, I don't think the guy's a linebacker for the Chicago Bears. But let's not throw away one of his prime motivations.

  Mark : Oh, and what's that?

  Elliot Garfield : He wants to hump Lady Anne!

  Mark : Oh, yes. I've heard that before. Well, look, I'm not going to try and pressure you but let's just try it my way. Let's read through the first act. Trust me, please.

  Assistant Director : Act one scene one...

  Elliot Garfield : Uh, excuse me. Sorry. Just how far off the diving board do you want me to jump?

  Mark : Well, don't give me Bette Midler, but let's not be afraid to be bold.

  Elliot Garfield : Bold.

  Mark : Bold.

  Assistant Director : Act one, scene one, enter Richard Duke of Glochester.

  Elliot Garfield : Now is the winter of our discontent... Sorry, one minute. Now is the winter...

  Elliot Garfield : [Very effeminate]  Now ith the winter of our dithcontent... may I have a 5 minute break please?

  Mark : Five minutes.

• Mark : You're unhappy Elliot?

  Elliot Garfield : Unhappy? No. I am freaking petrified. The critics are going to crucify me, Mark. And Gay Liberation is going to hang me from Shakespear's statue. By my genitalia. You gotta help me, Mark.

  Mark : What do you want, Elliot?

  Elliot Garfield : I want my hump back! I want my club foot. I want a little paralysis in my right hand! I don't mean a lot, just a little, two stiff fingers, I need a little motivation.

  Mark : I see. You want to play it safe, eh? You want to give us your standard, conventinal Richard. Well, I can't argue with that Elliot they've been doing it that way for 400 years.

  Elliot Garfield : Listen, what do I know? I'm lucky to get the part I know that. I come from Chicago. We do things a little bit differently out there. We do the play as written. That doesn't go over in New York? Terrific. I respect you, Mark, I do. You've done off Broadway I haven't. I'm not a quitter. You want me to do Richard the Third like Tatum O'Neal I'll do it but just don't make me look foolish out there.

  Mark : And you feel foolish.

  Elliot Garfield : I feel like an asshole! I passed foolish on Tuesday.

  Mark : Hey, I was never going to let you do it like that.

  Elliot Garfield : Oh, thank God!

  Mark : But do you see where I'm heading.

  Elliot Garfield : I, I'm trying, Mark.

  Mark : Richard was gay there's no doubt about it. But let's use that as subtext. We'll keep it but now we can put back the hump and the club foot...

  Elliot Garfield : And the twisted fingers.

  Mark : If you like them.

  Elliot Garfield : Like 'em? I love 'em! I'm crazy about 'em!

  Mark : Then use them, baby, and you will see what I am after. Just try it my way, bubala. I will never let you go wrong.