The Cannonball Run (1981)

Dom DeLuise: Victor Prinzim

Photos 

Quotes 

• J.J. McClure : I'm sure that doctor's a very sweet man, basically.

  Victor Prinsi : Oh, thank you.

  J.J. McClure : But don't you ever tell me where you found him. Ever.

• J.J. McClure : Listen to what I'm telling you. You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare. Get me Dr. Livingston. Get me Dr. Frankenstein. Just get me a doctor! Go where the... Go where the doctors hang out.

  Victor Prinsi : Where is that?

  J.J. McClure : Bars, golf courses.

  Victor Prinsi : Golf course, bar. All right. Where else? Hospital!

  J.J. McClure : Try that, too.

• [J.J. and Victor are pulled over by two priests in a red Ferrari] 

  Victor Prinsi : Nice car, Father!

  Jamie Blake : Thank you, asshole.

• J.J. McClure : Look, we can't have a car with numbers on it. So, we're going to have to disguise the car somehow.

  Victor Prinsi : Alright.

  J.J. McClure : How about a big, black limousine with diplomatic plates?

  Victor Prinsi : Nah!

  J.J. McClure : Nah. I know! A bloodmobile! They wouldn't stop a bloodmobile, would they?

  Victor Prinsi : Nah!

  J.J. McClure : Nah.

  Victor Prinsi : An ice cream truck! Yeah, an ice cream truck! Y'know, they gotta get there before it melts!

• J.J. McClure : What's Dr. Gay do?

  Victor Prinsi : He's my shrink. He was committed yesterday.

  J.J. McClure : Why?

  Victor Prinsi : He was smoking bananas. He gets very upset when he talks to 'Him'.

  J.J. McClure : So do I!

• J.J. McClure : Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back. Thanks to your wonderful cousin, Tessie.

  Victor Prinsi : Well, it's not my fault that she didn't fit in the stretcher!

  J.J. McClure : She doesn't fit in the AMBULANCE!

• [J.J. is pissed that Captain Chaos has disappeared] 

  J.J. McClure : When you don't want him, he's around! When you want him, he's not around! I'm gonna go get a beer!

  Captain Chaos : DA-DA-DUM!

• Fenderbaum : [Fenderbaum and Blake's Ferrari drives alongside J.J.'s ambulance]  Pull over! We want to give you our blessing!

  Victor Prinsi : J.J., there are two priests in that car. They want us to pull over.

  J.J. McClure : Victor, that's two priests driving a Ferrari. When's the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?

  Victor Prinsi : No, they're doing the work of the Lord. In a Ferrari, they can just do it faster.

• J.J. McClure : You all right, Victor?

  Victor Prinsi : Oh, I'm fine, J.J. It only hurts when I point.

• J.J. McClure : They weren't 'Fathers'!

  J.J. McClure , Victor Prinsi : They were mothers!

• Cop : [J.J. avoids a roadblock and wrecks the Porsche]  What are you, some kind of nut? Who do you think you are?

  Victor Prinsi : Da-dum-duuummmm! I am Captain Chaos! And this, this is my faithful companion, Cato. Say hello, Cato!

  Victor Prinsi : [cop looks at Victor with disgust]  Been a cop long?

• Victor Prinsi : Thank you, Father.

  Fenderbaum : Why don't you take that piece of shit back to the junkyard?

  [laughs and drives away] 

• J.J. McClure : Hey, Victor! Didya get anything to eat?

  Victor Prinsi : Yeah, I gotta lotta goodies for you guys and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me!

  [singing and dancing] 

  Victor Prinsi : "I'm a pepper/You're a pepper/He's a pepper/She's a pepper/Wouldn't ya like to be a pepper, too?

  J.J. McClure : [impatiently]  WILL YOU GET IN HERE?

• [At the Portofino Inn, Victor, in his Captain Chaos persona, saves a woman's dog from drowning in the bay and is hailed a hero, but J.J. is furious, as his selfless act cost him and J.J. the championship win] 

  Victor Prinsi : [as Captain Chaos]  J.J., I saved that woman's dog.

  J.J. McClure : [furious]  Victor! We could've won that race! Do ya understand what I'm telling you? We could've won it!

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : You understand that? You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.

  Pamela Glover : He's right, Victor.

  J.J. McClure : We are sick of Captain Chaos. We are so sick of Captain Chaos that we could throw up. So you know what, Victor? There's not gonna be anymore Captain Chaos.

  [grabs and rips the mask off Victor's head, yells] 

  J.J. McClure : NO MORE! Ya see what I'm telling you? NO MORE!

  [snatches Victor's cape and slams it to the ground] 

  J.J. McClure : No more Captain Chaos, EVER! Now, what do ya think of that?

  [crowd laughs as Victor seemingly feels broken-hearted over J.J.'s act of poor sportsmanship] 

  Victor Prinsi : I don't care, because...

  [changes into a new superhero persona with an American Flag-like mask and cape] 

  Victor Prinsi : ... I've always wanted to be... Captain USA! Da-Da-DUM!

  [J.J. and the racers laugh] 

  Victor Prinsi : It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it!

• [the racers, all neck and neck, are approaching the finish line, with Mad Dog and Batman in the lead] 

  Mad Dog : We got 'em!

  Batman : We got 'em!

  [Suddenly, a car gets in the way, forcing Mad Dog & Batman's GMC truck to skid to a 180° stop. Bradford and Shakey's motorcycle slips and skids] 

  J.J. McClure : [screams]  LOOK OUT!

  [J.J. and Victor's ambulance and all the other cars come to a screeching halt] 

  J.J. McClure : [yells]  Okay, it's a foot race!

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : I've got the card!

  J.J. McClure : No, gimme that, Doc! Come on, it's a foot race!

  [All the racers storm out and begin running to the finish line to see who can be the first to punch out at the time clock and win the race] 

  Victor Prinsi : Have no fear! Chaos is here! DA-DA-DUM!

  J.J. McClure : [hands Victor the time card]  Take it and win, Captain!

  Pamela Glover : Come on, Chaos! You can do it!

  [as Victor and Marcie sprint, J.J. jumps on the other racers, tackling them to the ground] 

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : Does anyone need medical attention?

• Pamela : Almost everything I wear is pink.

  Victor Prinzim : Everything? Even...

  [looks down toward groin] 

  Pamela : Oh, I don't wear any.

  Victor Prinzim : You don't?

  Pamela : Uh-uh.