The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Diana Rigg: Lady Holiday

Photos 

Quotes 

• Miss Piggy : [Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie]  Why are you telling me all this?

  Lady Holiday : It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.

• Lady Holiday : Give Stanley a tip, Nicky.

  Nicky Holiday : For complimenting you on your necklace?

  Lady Holiday : No, because it's customary.

  Nicky Holiday : I haven't any change.

  Lady Holiday : Then give him something bigger.

  Nicky Holiday : *Bigger*? I left my wallet at home.

  Lady Holiday : You left your wallet in college.

• Lady Holiday : Carla, the neckline on that gown is too high, don't you think?

  Carla : I rather like the effect.

  Lady Holiday : You like looking like an ostrich?

  Carla : [miffed]  Of course not, Lady Holiday.

  Lady Holiday : And Marla. Too many frills and furbelows, I don't think we should strive for the fan-tailed pigeon look, do you? And you, Darla, that outfit's the pits. Loose where it should be tight and tight where it should be loose, like the folds on a turkey's neck. Why would I design such atrocious looking clothes?

  [sitting down with a heavy sigh] 

  Lady Holiday : I *must* be getting senile.

  [she presses a button on her desk] 

  Voice over intercom : Yes, Lady Holiday?

  Lady Holiday : We have to make drastic changes in the new line before the show tomorrow, all my girls are going around looking like barnyard animals.

  Miss Piggy : Ahem!

  Lady Holiday : Good heavens, who are you?

  Miss Piggy : My name is Miss Piggy, and I would like to be a high-fashion model!

  Lady Holiday : Doesn't surprise me. Seems to be the way we're headed.

• Lady Holiday : I have grave doubts about wearing these jewels. I feel as if thieves are breathing down my neck.

  Nicky Holiday : [breathing down her neck]  Thieves aren't breathing down your neck.

• Miss Piggy : Well, as you can see from this small sampling, modeling is my life. It is my destiny, I shall accept nothing less.

  Lady Holiday : I can offer you a job as a receptionist.

  Miss Piggy : [jumping up and down and shouting]  AAAAAAAHHHHH! I'll take it! I'll take it! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, you won't be sorry, I promise. I can type, I can take shorthand, I can make coffee, I can do it all!

  Lady Holiday : Sit.

  [Miss Piggy immediately sits down and calms herself] 

  Miss Piggy : I can sit. I'm very good at sitting.

• Lady Holiday : Nicky, that's my new secretary dancing out there.

  Nicky Holiday : Which one?

  Lady Holiday : The pig.