Modern Problems (1981)

Brian Doyle-Murray: Brian Stills

Quotes 

• Brian Stills : Well, I'll be a striped-ass ape! Max Fiedler!

  Max Fielder : Brian? Wow!

  Brian Stills : How are you, you old egg-sucker? Damn, you look good. How long's it been? Not since high school, huh? Say, where are my manners? This is Dorita. She's from Port-au-Prince.

  Max Fielder : Hi.

  Lorraine : Hi.

  Dorita : How do you do?

  Max Fielder : Oh, Lorraine, this is Brian Stills, an old friend of mine from, uh, high school. Brian, this is my ex-wife, Lorraine.

  Brian Stills : Pleased to meet you, Lorraine.

  Lorraine : Nice to meet you, Brian.

  Brian Stills : [Points to wheelchair]  Admiring the old skateboard? I got my ass blown off in Nam. Crazy damn thing. I was loving this little girl. She was hiding ammo, for the Cong under the bed. I lit a cigarette, woke up in the hospital with medals all over the place.

  Lorraine : God, talk about sex with fireworks.

  Max Fielder : Jesus, Lorraine.

  Brian Stills : No, it's funny, really.

• Max Fielder : I'm starting to see things move in thin air. Like this morning, I think I caused Darcy's coffee cup to slide across the table and crash. And then everything around was shaking and quaking...

  Brian Stills : You trashed the place 'cause you're mad at this Daisy chick, right?

  Max Fielder : No, no, Brian, I did it but I didn't touch anything.

  Brian Stills : Look, we all think we got some monster inside us that's ready to explode any minute. You break things. I masturbate, so what? Same difference.

• Brian Stills : Are you still seeing things move?

  Max Fielder : I'm making things move.

  Brian Stills : Max, could you sit down? I have a crick in my neck.