Thu, Jan 3, 1991
Without authorization from Sam or Rebecca, Woody has placed a free-drink coupon in a coupon book. Rebecca and Sam hate the idea as it will only attract a gaggle of freeloaders; the coupons place a further strain between Sam and John Allen Hill, who tries to use them to his advantage. But the bar's troubles are nothing compared to Carla's: her mother, Mama Lozupone, has had "the death dream." She and Carla are currently on the outs since Carla hasn't stuck to the family tradition handed down for generations: every female names one of her sons her father's first name and her mother's maiden name. Carla has refused to do this because she would be naming her son "Benito Mussolini"--even if it would make her Mama happy before she dies. But she has a change of heart, wondering what if her kids didn't do something she wanted while she was on her deathbed. She asks all of her kids if anyone would be willing to change their name, and Gino steps forward. Will Gino's act make Mama happy before she dies? The result of Gino's act makes Sam take his own action, which brings the Lozupone family closer together.
Thu, Jan 10, 1991
Sam is continuing his battle with upstairs neighbor and the landlord of his pool room and washrooms, John Allen Hill. Sam feels like he needs to do something really to bug Hill. Just then, Sam meets Hills' daughter, Valerie. Sam is not exactly the type of man she usually goes out with, nor is she Sam's type, but he asks her out solely to get under Hill's skin. Having dinner at Melville's, Sam starts to make the moves on Valerie in plain view of Hill. Hill initially feigns disinterest, but ultimately breaks down in tears, telling Sam that he'll give Sam anything if Sam stops seeing Valerie. From this statement, Sam gets his pool room and washrooms rent free, and he gets his parking space back. Immediately, Sam drops Valerie, right in the middle of dinner. Valerie takes Sam rebuke graciously. But immediately after that, Sam decides he wants Valerie back if only because he can't have her, and Valerie still seems interested in Sam, but obviously they will have to keep their relationship a secret from Hill. How will the triangle between Hill, Valerie and Sam resolve itself? Meanwhile, Carla believes the foosball table that Woody finds in the storage closet is possessed. After Frasier gets his hand stuck in it, Carla brings in the person she believes best equipped to handle Frasier's problem.
Thu, Jan 24, 1991
The bar's jukebox is temporarily going in for repairs, and for the week while it's away, Cheers gets a karaoke machine in it's place. After an initial reluctance by the gang as to it's usefulness, they take to the machine. In particular, Norm and Cliff are hooked on the song Lollipop - especially while sung with helium filled voices - while Frasier is hooked on every other song as he monopolizes the karaoke machine's time. Meanwhile, Robin will be getting out of jail in three days, and through the delivery of a white rose and a love letter, proposes to Rebecca and wants to get married on the day of his release. She's ecstatic - at least initially. Rebecca holes up in her apartment leading up to the wedding. She's living on booze and cigarettes. In a heart to heart with Sam and to herself, she finally admits that she doesn't think she loves Robin. She'll figure out what she needs to do once she sobers up.
Thu, Jan 31, 1991
It's the morning after Rebecca's drunken spree, where she admitted to herself and Sam that she didn't love Robin, and that she was going to call off the wedding. However, what a little sobering up will do for the memory: she remembers nothing about that night and neither calls off the wedding or remembers that she doesn't love Robin. This is Frasier's gain as he, still hogging time on the karaoke machine, gets his first real gig when Rebecca asks him to sing at the wedding... that is until Robin surprises Rebecca with yet another Righteous Brother to sing instead, this time being 'Bobby Hatfield'. But Sam, as Rebecca's friend, will do whatever he can to jog Rebecca's memory about the night so that she doesn't make the biggest mistake of her life. If Rebecca was indeed only in love with Robin when he was rich, a revelation may make her decision to say "I do" or not that much more difficult.
Thu, Feb 7, 1991
Frasier is trying to add a little culture to the guys' lives by reading them Dickens. When the guys initially show disinterest, Frasier has to rewrite Dickens and add a few Cheers inspired sensibilities to the stories. Meanwhile, Rebecca is in a funk in the aftermath of her and Robin breaking up. First she locks herself in the bar office for three days - still in her wedding dress - then, with the help of Woody, his clothes, his car and his credit cards, she decides to fly back to San Diego to sort out her life. Sam leaves her a telephone voice message, which, although unintended on his part, one could construe by the actual message that he is in love with her. Rebecca calls back and leaves Sam a message saying that she is returning to Boston because of his message. Sam is in a panic since he thinks Rebecca is coming back to Boston wanting to start something serious with him. Not knowing how to deal with this, Sam resorts to devising what he calls Plan Z, the most drastic of measures. Regardless of Rebecca's wants, Sam has to go through with the plan if only to prove he's not a wussy little 'fraidy cat. After getting a bloody nose, he realizes he's not a wussy little fraidy cat.
Thu, Feb 14, 1991
It's Valentine's Day, and it doesn't seem to be going well for anyone. The Drs. Crane are trying to bring their respective therapy groups - Frasier's a group of shy men, Lilith's a group of shy women - together as part of their therapy. They try party games to get the men and women together, games such as passing the orange from chin to chin, Twister and Spin the Bottle, with little to show for their efforts. Rebecca is depressed as after the recent break-up with Robin, she has no man in her life and thus no one to give her a Valentine. Just before midnight, Cliff comes to the rescue and gives Rebecca the Valentine he was going to give to his Ma. However, Cliff wants a little action in return. And Sam, who has had an on-going "only on Valentine's Day" date with Lauren Hudson for the past twenty years, slips and throws out his back just before he is off to see her. In such a state, Sam may be unable to perform sexually as he does his darnedest to hide his injury from Lauren and to make the most of his once a year tryst with her. Will this year show both Sam and Lauren the different state of a maturing relationship?
Thu, Feb 21, 1991
Carla's eyesight is getting bad and she secretly gets a pair of reading glasses. The guys at the bar start with all the standard "four eyes" jokes, until Carla vows to make their life miserable unless they stop. Cliff continues with the jokes, saying that it's worth whatever revenge Carla has in store. Or is it? Rebecca is still wanting to buy the bar back from Sam, who mocks her in her attempt. She has $25,000 cash that she received from her father to do so, but Sam adamantly refuses to sell. Rebecca has an ally in John Allen Hill, who will sell Rebecca the bar's back rooms (including the washrooms), which again he owns, for the $25,000. Sam realizes that Rebecca having this control could ruin him, so he tries to outbid her for the property. Hill implies that any little favors by either Sam or Rebecca could sway him in their direction. Sam and Rebecca both will do almost anything for the property, and Hill relishes in the attention he gets from both. Both Sam and Rebecca can do menial tasks for Hill, but only Rebecca has the sexual power over Hill. But will Rebecca sell her body for the bar's back rooms and does Sam have anything to match Rebecca's body in the bidding war?
Thu, Feb 28, 1991
It Frasier's birthday, and since he's never had a birthday party, the gang at the bar go all out and throw him one. However they make him do all the work for it. Lilith is trying to figure out what to get, and has decided on professional photographs of herself done for him. Hiring Woody's nemesis Henrí as photographer, Lilith initially doesn't quite know what kind of photos to take - composed and formal or seductive - and ends up doing her own kind of seductive. It's definitely not Norm's birthday as Vera has lost her job. What's worse, Rebecca gets Vera a job as a hat check girl at Melville's. As such, Vera has in Norm's opinion invaded his sanctuary. He's a nervous wreck knowing that "she" is up there. A work related incident shows everyone how Norm really feels about his wife, especially when she's not in the vicinity of Cheers.
Thu, Mar 14, 1991
Cliff idolizes Weather Channel anchor, Dorothy Boysick, who, annoying to most but endearing to Cliff, has a lisp. Cliff writes her a fan letter, and gets an unexpected reply. Meanwhile, co-owner of the bar, Rebecca, wants to open a tearoom in the pool room. Sam thinks it's a dumb idea, but allows Rebecca to open it on a trial basis, letting her keep it if she clears $500 on her first night. Sam thinks this goal impossible for Rebecca. Things are going very slowly on her trial day, and Rebecca doesn't help her own cause when she chastises Frasier and Lilith, her first and only customers, when they solely order her loss leader, orange pekoe tea. However, things take an up turn for Rebecca when she hijacks and starts selling Woody's chili, which everyone in the bar loves. As it seems like Rebecca's converted chili room is a success, Sam feels like he needs to take drastic measures to sabotage Rebecca. Sam ultimately shows Rebecca how he feels about her as co-manager/co-owner, but he shows more about how he feels about his 'vette.
Thu, Mar 21, 1991
It's time for the 53rd annual Miss Boston Barmaid contest, and this year it's being held at Cheers again, but Sam's not happy. The contest organizers have changed the format where beauty, chest size and overall bimbo-ness account for nothing. Rather, it's now a contest of true waitressing skills. Despite this, Carla is not interested in entering - she knows she can be the best waitress in the world if she wants to be (self-admittedly, her "friendliness" quotient is a bit lacking) and doesn't need anyone to tell her so - until she learns that first prize is a new Mazda Miata convertible. She will do anything to win that car. On the day of the contest, she obtains a confidential document naming the three judges, one of whom is none other than Cheers' own Cliff. Norm convinces Carla that to win the contest, Carla has to be nice to Cliff, not exactly the easiest thing in the world to do for Carla. Carla has to decide if the Miata or being nasty to Cliff is of greater priority. By contest time, Carla will learn if she made the right decision. At the end of it all, at least Sam's faith in the world is restored.
Thu, Mar 28, 1991
A dalmatian puppy follows Cliff on his mail route, the pup which he names Spotty. Woody is immediately taken with Spotty. Well maintained, Spotty obviously is a lost pet, but Woody wants to keep him. Woody does whatever he can to keep Spotty, even if his rightful owners show up. Meanwhile, one of Sam's old baseball nemeses, Dutch Kincaid of the New York Yankees, wants Sam to pitch against him on the Yankee's Dutch Kincaid Day. He chose Sam because he as a hitter always had Sam's number: Dutch hit a home run almost every time Sam pitched to him. Sam doesn't want to do it, but Dutch and the gang at the bar goad him into it. Sam wants to strike Dutch out, and works out to get in top physical shape. On the day, Sam is approached by Cap Richards, Dutch's manager, who wants Sam to float a pitch to Dutch on the third throw, allowing Dutch to hit a home run. Sam is outraged and refuses to do it until Dutch's grandson, Billy, tells Sam a story of wanting to see his grandpa hit a home run, on this, his last day ever to play baseball. Sam has to decide if his own goal of striking out Dutch or pleasing a small boy is more important. Dutch may have some say in the matter.
Thu, Apr 4, 1991
Rebecca is on a healthy eating kick and is trying to convince others in the bar to join her. The guys do join her in enjoying rice cakes, which they use for other purposes. Meanwhile, Lilith is in mourning as her favorite lab rat, Whitey, has died. Frasier offers sympathy, that is until he finds out that she is carrying the dead rat in her purse. Frasier throws Whitey in the garbage, and when Lilith finds out, she does the same to Frasier - throw him in the garbage, that is. Lilith has banished Frasier from the house, and thus he's forced to sleep on the bar's couch in his suit. Unfortunately, this tiff coincides with an important meeting they have to get Frederick into an exclusive preschool. They need to hold off their anger toward each other long enough to make it through the interview, but some item association at the interview makes them come to an important realization. Sam is also in mourning, but is mourning the loss of a beautiful woman, who he never really had since she is rebuking him. But Sam finds out what he believes to be the incredulous reason for her rebuke.
Thu, May 2, 1991
Rebecca is at another crossroads in her life. She knows that she doesn't want to do the bar shtick for the rest of her life, but is now unsure what she wants to do. Regardless, she goes on one job interview after another, each time dooming herself to failure. Meanwhile, Sam has been spending a lot of time lately with the Cranes. More specifically, he has been spending a lot of time with Frederick. Each day, Sam arrives at their house a little earlier and leaves a little later. Frasier and Lilith finally tell Sam directly that he shouldn't be spending that much time with their son. Sam understands, but not until after the revelations that Sam likes kids and that Frederick now considers Sam more a father than Frasier. Later, Sam admits to himself that he wants to be a dad, but doesn't yet have an idea who the mother will be. Late one evening, Sam dozes off while watching Blue Hawaii (1961) on TV. In his dream, Sam gets a message directly from Elvis Presley about what he should do to address his quandary. His next step becomes how to convince the other party involved that Elvis' plan is a good one.
Thu, Sep 19, 1991
Sam and Rebecca have definitely decided that they are going to have a baby together. Rebecca wants the conception not just to be a technical exercise, but a special night that they can tell their child about. The night should be a romantic one. Just before they are ready to do it, Rebecca's talk of "making a baby" makes Sam realize what they are doing and he gets nervous and runs out on her. He needs advice and turns to Frasier. Frasier thinks Sam's nervousness is related to the fact of the purpose, as opposed to the act of making love. Sam needs to make the evening more about making love than making a baby. Concerned that she did something wrong, Rebecca turns to Lilith for advice on the situation. Lilith thinks that Sam's nervousness was due to the fact that he has never made love with the purpose of having a child, and to make the act of this lovemaking special and different than the umpteen million other times he's made love to women, Rebecca should focus on the purpose of siring a child. When Sam returns to Rebecca's apartment, their evening gets worse as they are working at cross purposes to each other.
Thu, Sep 26, 1991
Spurred by Frasier's desire to find his inner "hairy man", Frasier, Sam, Norm and Cliff embark on a spontaneous one-week road trip across America. They need to take Cliff's car since it is the one that will comfortably fit the four and their gear. One dark evening out on a deserted back road in the desert, Sam falls asleep at the wheel and crashes the car. The guys are physically all right, but the car needs repairs. Their emotions start to fray when all attempts to fix the car - many of the problems due to the booby traps Cliff has placed on the car in the name of theft security - fail, they're locked out of the car, Frasier's cell phone dies and ultimately pragmatist Frasier states that they may be in real trouble. Perhaps things will look better in the morning. They do look better for Norm. Back at the bar, Carla hires extra help since Woody is currently away. She hires her naive, but handsome tight jeans and shirt wearing nephew, Frankie. All the women at the bar can't stop ogling his tight butt. Usually one to ogle a tight butt herself, Carla has to take action to protect her naive nephew.
Thu, Oct 3, 1991
Woody is appearing in a local production of Arsenic and Old Lace. The local theater critic gives the production a good review, but he deems Woody's performance weak. Stung by the critique, Woody decides to quit the show. Lee Bradken, the director, convinces Woody that all he needs to do to have a better performance is get to his true emotional feelings by writing them down on paper. Buoyed by the fact that the critic is coming back to re-review the play, Woody takes the task assigned by Bradken too much to heart. Meanwhile, Carla is worried because Madame Lazora, her spiritual advisor since she was seventeen, is coming by the bar to see her. Carla thinks it is to tell her some devastating news about her life. Instead, Madame Lazora comes to say that she is retiring to Florida, and that Princess Katja, her spirit guide and connection to the afterlife, has named Carla as the person who should take Madame Lazora's place. Carla is skeptical at first since she doesn't think she has the gift. Initially this is true, but once she puts her mind to it, she can read people's minds... or so she thinks. She tells Madame Lazora that she feels she doesn't have the gift to take over her job. Then all of a sudden after Madame Lazora chastises her for having no faith, Carla starts channeling the spirit of Princess Katja. Carla does have the gift. Later at Madame Lazora's studio just as Carla is about to start her new life as a spiritualist, Carla makes an admission to Madame Lazora, who, in turn, makes her own admission that she is phony, which will change Carla's entire outlook on life.
Thu, Oct 10, 1991
Carla, questioning Rebecca's potential parenting skills, bets her $5 that she can't take care of an egg for three days. Despite a rocky start, Rebecca seems like she's going to win the bet. Or does Carla have other things on her mind? Meanwhile, Norm is doing another paint job for the Cranes, during which Frasier accidentally falls on top of Norm, causing a bruised disk in Norm's back. Because Vera is away and Norm is immobile, Frasier suggests that Norm stay at their house on the couch until Vera returns. Lilith reluctantly agrees. Lilith ends up being at Norm's beck and call, especially getting him one beer after another. Just as Lilith is at the end of her rope, Norm offers his gratitude to her - she can't now kick him out. But there's another problem: Norm can't go to the bar, so the bar comes to Norm. How much will Lilith be able to handle of people, especially the Cheers gang, invading her house?
Thu, Oct 17, 1991
Margaret O'Keefe, Cliff's mail carrier girlfriend living in Canada, has come back to Boston wanting to rekindle her relationship with Cliff. Cliff also wants to do so, but he isn't thinking marriage just yet. The biggest hurdle in the relationship is that Ma Clavin and Margaret have never met. When Cliff tells Ma about Margaret, Ma is hurt - she feels like Cliff wants to replace her with another woman. But Ma and Margaret do meet, and after an initial coolness between them, Ma and Margaret get along famously. They get along so well that Ma proposes to Margaret for Cliff and Margaret accepts, without Cliff even being there. Ma and Margaret announce this news to the gang at the bar, but Cliff doesn't yet want to get married. He will have to tell both Margaret and Ma, the latter who may be the more difficult person to tell. In doing so, Cliff and Ma demonstrate who wears the pants in the Clavin household. Meanwhile, Rebecca and Sam are still trying to have a baby. It's been two months without success. Rebecca is being scientific about it, and thinks the problem is that Sam is too warm "down there" due to the fact that he wears constricting bikini briefs. She suggests he try boxer shorts that contain freon to freeze his testes, which is what he becomes.
Thu, Oct 24, 1991
Everyone at the bar is questioning Sam and Rebecca's wanting to have a baby. Some are dismayed they have decided to do this out of wedlock, while others doubt Sam or Rebecca's parenting skills. Lilith suggests that Sam and Rebecca should try babysitting someone else's child for an evening. With Frederick Crane unavailable, Rebecca decides that she and Sam should give themselves the ultimate test: looking after Carla's seven kids for one evening (the eldest, Anthony, won't be around, having a previous--fairly serious--commitment). Carla is all for the idea if only to have an evening away from her unruly mob. But what will Sam and Rebecca think about having a child after this evening is over? Meanwhile, Woody wants his parents to meet Kelly. Since he does not have the money for Kelly and himself to take a trip back to Hanover, he decides to make and send them a videotape of Kelly and himself. Cliff and Frasier volunteer to be director/videographer.
Thu, Oct 31, 1991
It's Halloween, and the Cranes are arguing about how much of the Halloween tradition, if any, to which they should expose Frederick. Another argument going on, one more traditional, is that between the gang at Cheers and the gang at Gary's Olde Towne Tavern, Halloween a day that bar wars of the prank kind happen. As Sam and the gang decide what to do to Gary and his bar - as Carla states, she wants to be on a winning side of a great scam - Gary already hits. But the pranks come to a screeching halt from Gary's side when he comes into Cheers and announces that he wants a truce as he was just diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure. Sam doesn't believe him and continues to plot. Checking how their own prank on Gary went over, the Cheers gang goes over to Gary's and finds him alone unconscious on the floor. Frasier checks: Gary isn't unconscious, but dead. Seeing Gary on the floor, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. After the police and coroner confirm Frasier's check, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. When one of Gary's bartenders gives Sam one of Gary's prized possessions, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. As Gary's funeral is announced, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. After Sam sees Gary inside the casket, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. As the casket is lowered into the ground, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. Is Gary dead? Regardless, Carla gets her wish.
Thu, Nov 7, 1991
After Frasier suggests that she change her hair style, Lilith does get a new hairdo. Can it get any worse than her tight as a wound bun? Meanwhile, it's Norm's birthday and among his gifts is a Boston Celtics jacket personally delivered by Kevin McHale. Before Kevin leaves the bar, he gets caught up in the typical trivia talk of Norm and Cliff, namely how many bolts there are in the Boston Garden basketball court. Carla warns Kevin of the obsessive power of bar trivia, but she's too late. Kevin is obsessed with knowing the number of bolts, which no one can tell him conclusively. He's up in the middle of the night wondering, but what's worse, his basketball skills plummet as he's busy counting the bolts rather than paying attention to the game. Sam, Norm, Cliff and Woody decide to go to the Garden to count the bolts so that Kevin can get back on track. Will they be able to find out conclusively the number of bolts to save the Celtics? Or will they make the situation even worse by their antics at the Garden?
Thu, Nov 14, 1991
Cliff has been chosen to re-enact the first postal run cum pony express in Boston. The problem is is that Cliff is scared of horses. Other fears take over Cliff. Best friend Norm comes to the rescue, but will Cliff appreciate the effort? Back at the bar, Sam is in his continual battle with upstairs neighbor, John Allen Hill. At the end of his rope, Sam decides to pull out the big guns to get back at Hill by using the meanest, evilest thing at his disposal: Carla. Sam leaves it to Carla's discretion about what to do, but Carla only promises to make Hill cry. Later, Carla comes back in a panic. She confides to Lilith and Rebecca that she did the worst thing she possibly could have done: she slept with Hill. Lilith explains to a confused Carla that she and Hill have the classic compulsion/repulsion relationship. Carla is not only confused but she feels that she betrayed Sam. Carla has to come to some resolution with both Sam and Hill about the issue.
Thu, Nov 21, 1991
Frasier has a massive headache, and no matter what he does, it won't go away. For Frasier, Lilith suggests he take an extreme measure: acupuncture or at least acupressure. Believing it quackery, Frasier initially won't do it, until... The process isn't quite what Lilith expects. What will go away if the US government and Woody have their way is Henrí, whose Visa has run out. Henrí mentions that a way he could stay is to marry a US citizen, an idea on which Kelly picks up, with her being the bride. Woody doesn't like the idea. Woody and Kelly have an argument over it, which pushes Kelly into marrying Henrí, she believes only "on paper". They would get divorced immediately after, but Henrí may have other thoughts. This action by Kelly could jeopardize Woody's immediate future plan to ask Kelly to marry him, and thus jeopardize their long term future together.
Thu, Dec 5, 1991
Everyone isn't loving Norm, but rather trying to gross him out. They're trying to see what gross things they can think of that would be so off-putting as to make him stop drinking beer. It ends up being a near impossible task, until... Paul isn't feeling the love from the guys. He feels left out of Norm and Cliff's outings. Norm and Cliff try to make it up to him, but Norm and Cliff being Norm and Cliff... Sam isn't feeling the love from Rebecca. After six months of trying to conceive a baby, so far unsuccessfully, Rebecca thinks they should go to a fertility clinic to check themselves out. Sam is squeamish about doing so. Once Rebecca finds out that there is nothing wrong with her, she assumes that Sam is infertile. Still squeamish, Sam finally does end up going to the clinic for tests. But Sam is still so anxious about the results and is bothering Carla so much about it, Carla unilaterally decides to put Sam out of his misery, which ultimately affects Lilith. And Frasier isn't feeling the love from Lilith. They are preparing their wills. Frasier, squeamish about talking about his mortality, feels Lilith is being too clinical about the life and death of the supposed love of her life.
Thu, Dec 12, 1991
It's freezing outside and so is Sam and Rebecca's relationship. The stress of not having yet conceived a baby is causing Sam and Rebecca to fight continually, so much so that sex-machine Sam doesn't want to have sex, even on Rebecca's ovulating day. Sam talks Frasier into giving him and Rebecca a stay at a luxury hotel suite that Frasier and Lilith can no longer use. Sam thinks it might rekindle some romance into their sex life. At the hotel, both Sam and Rebecca meet other hotel guests which make them think further about what they are about to do. Each also fantasizes about their future life together, and in Sam's fantasy about their child who is also named Sam. Meanwhile back at the bar, the guys need a way to beat the winter blahs. Paul suggests they try a polar bear swim, something he did as a child. Norm and Cliff and Woody and Frasier all go off, enthused and invigorated by the idea. What Paul failed to mention was he grew up in Hawaii. But will their outing be, as usual, all talk and little action?