- The Pirate King: What's the age of consent around here?
- Mabel: Eighteen.
- The Pirate King: Good! I'm old enough.
- Frederic: Lately I've been restless. I've been consumed by some... inner fire, and all I think about are girls.
- Ruth: [Grabbing onto Frederic] I've waited 20 years for this!
- The Pirate King: [Pulling Ruth off of Frederic] The sea, Frederic, is a jealous mistress. But she is her own reward. Believe me, you've missed nothing.
- The Pirate King: [to other pirates] Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
- Other pirates: [Yelling in unison] SEX!
- Mabel: Death before dishonor! Besides, you ever try running in one of these things? It's a real bitch!
- Mabel: Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!
- Frederic: What? You mean Zen piracy?
- Mabel: [unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to show her corset] Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked and strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty!
- [to stone statue]
- Mabel: Would you Harry, would you?
- [to Frederic]
- Mabel: Never to know the rich and real, wondrous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?
- Frederic: I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!
- [the Pirate King has just cornered Frederick in their swordfight, the Pirate King has his sword pointed between Frederick's legs]
- The Pirate King: Drop it, or...
- Frederic: *Nuts*!
- The Pirate King: Them, too!
- Frederic: [sitting rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been at sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?
- Mabel: Frederic, you're not gay, are you?
- Frederic: [high voice] No!
- [clears throat and in a lower voice]
- Frederic: No.
- Mabel: The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.
- Frederic: Mabel!
- Mabel: Hey! I'm not prejudiced. I mean, what does this country got a navy for? Screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
- Frederic: You're weird.
- Mabel: All kidding aside, tell me this. Are you a virgin?
- Frederic: I don't know.
- Mabel: Near enough.
- The Pirate King: Away to the ship and hoist up that chain doodad!
- Samuel: Anchor, sir?
- The Pirate King: No, Sam. Just disappointment.
- The Pirate King: Your Birthday?
- Frederic: February 29, 1859.
- The Pirate King: A leap year!
- Frederic: yes...
- The Pirate King: ...and you were indentured to us...?
- Frederic: until my 21st year...
- The Pirate King: [interrupting] ... until your 21st birthday! Leap years only happen every 4 years. Going by birthdays, you're still only 5 and a 1/4.
- Frederic: [surprised] wha...?
- The Pirate King: I'm merely making you aware of it... I'll leave the rest to your... sense of duty?
- Ruth: Yes, Duty!
- Frederic: Duty and honor are all I have... that's the one good thing you taught me!
- Frederic: [scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!
- Mabel: [song] If you're treadin' water and romance is on the slide/Don't you know you have to swallow somethin' more than water... it's your pride/Ah ha, a-huff and puff/Just to keep love goin'/A-ha, I've had enough/Of pumpin' and a-blowin'
- Soundtrack Chorus: [song] Keep pumpin', blowin'/Keep pumpin', blowin'
- Major-General: Damn cheek! With women leading our armies we'll never have a good war again.
- Mabel: So true! So true.
- Sergeant: [with heavy French accent] Name of the fugitive?
- Mabel: [struggling to understand] Fyoog tiv?
- Sergeant: [frustrated] Fugitive! F - U...
- Mabel: Up yours, too, Froggy!... Oh! *Fugitive!* His name's Fredric - without a 'k.' And he's got a horse - I mean a nurse, her name's Ruth and... listen, why don't you just follow me to the castle?