Trail of the Pink Panther (1982)

Joanna Lumley: Marie Jouvet

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Quotes 

• Marie Jouvet : And so, after leaving that delightful old man, who is so firmly convinced that his famous son is still alive, I began to wonder: 'is it possible'? Mafia boss Bruno Longlois seems to think is it. Sir Charles Litton feels such men are indispensable and therefore indestructible. And Chief Inspector Dreyfuss is so obsessed with the possibility that he's on the verge of another nervous breakdown. Did Inspector Clouseau really perish in the sea, as reported? Or for reasons as yet unknown, is he out there somewhere, plotting his next move, waiting to reveal himself when the time is right? I am reluctant to believe that misfortune has really struck down such a great man.

• Marie Jouvet : Ah, you've just passed the hotel.

  Taxi Driver : Yes, ma'am.

  Marie Jouvet : But that's where I wanted to go.

  Taxi Driver : You see that car following us?

  Marie Jouvet : Oh, what about it?

  Taxi Driver : Well, the two men in that car suggested I drop you off at another address.

  Marie Jouvet : What are you talking about?

  Taxi Driver : Actually it was more like a threat than a suggestion.

  Marie Jouvet : They threatened you?

  Taxi Driver : Well, one of them showed me his brand new gun.

  Marie Jouvet : But who are they?

  Taxi Driver : Look, I know you'll think I'm not on the ball, but I neglected to get their names.

  Marie Jouvet : You realise this is kidnapping?

  Taxi Driver : Yeah. Well, I have to be honest with you. I couldn't come up with an alternative.

  Marie Jouvet : You can go to prison for life for kidnapping.

  Taxi Driver : Lady, the gun he showed me was a .38 Magnum.

  Marie Jouvet : I don't know anything about guns.

  Taxi Driver : Well, that gun makes enormous holes in things. I had a choice of kidnapping you, and getting shot with that gun. And to be perfectly frank, I would look terrible and feel worse with an enormous hole in me.

• Marie Jouvet : I'm sorry I broke in.

  Cato Fong : That's okay. Keeps me in practice. Can I get you a cup of tea or something?

  Marie Jouvet : No, thanks.

  Cato Fong : I could use an aspirin.

  Marie Jouvet : You see, I telephoned before, and I really thought that you'd gone to visit your grandmother in Miami.

  Cato Fong : Miami Beach. She runs a bingo parlor. She's a real picaroon.

• Marie Jouvet : I knew you were going to threaten me, but I didn't know how I was going to react. And you know something, I've surprised myself.

  Bruno Langois : Is that right?

  Marie Jouvet : Yes. Instead of scaring the wits out of me, you have made me angry. In fact, I can't remember when I've been so angry. I am a member of the press, and I will not be intimidated by you or by anybody else.

  Bruno Langois : [she grabs her drink and throws it on the ground]  Hey, now who's being melodramatic?

  Marie Jouvet : You call this melodramatic? Wait 'til I get home.

  Bruno Langois : What are you gonna do?

  Marie Jouvet : Faint or throw up. Maybe both. I won't know 'til I get there.

  Bruno Langois : Eight to five it's throw up.

  Marie Jouvet : You've got a bet.

• Marie Jouvet : Who the hell is Professor Auguste Balls?

  Cato Fong : Inspector Clouseau's official disguise maker. Hey, what's a picaroon?

  Marie Jouvet : A cheat.

  Cato Fong : Oh, that's great.

  Marie Jouvet : Being called a cheat?

  Cato Fong : Some of my best friends are picaroons.

• Marie Jouvet : So you think determination was the key to his success?

  Sir Charles Litton : No question about it. He was a fool, but he epitomized the eleventh commandment.

  Marie Jouvet : The eleventh commandment?

  Sir Charles Litton : "Thou shalt not give up".

  Marie Jouvet : Ha-ha... I like that.

  Sir Charles Litton : Ha-ha... I thought you might.

• Marie Jouvet : Do you think he's dead?

  Lady Simone Litton : I hope not.

  Marie Jouvet : What do you think, Sir. Charles?

  Sir Charles Litton : No. Men like Clouseau never die. They're indestructible. And that's the way it should be.

  Marie Jouvet : Why?

  Sir Charles Litton : Well, we need them. They help us preserve our sense of humor. And they're living proof that, however bad things get, if you persevere you survive, and sometimes even win.

• Marie Jouvet : Now, tell me why you want me to lay off Clouseau?

  Bruno Langois : 'Cause I prefer things the way they are. Clouseau created a lot of problems. A smart lady like you could even find out he's still alive.

  Marie Jouvet : Or dead. I might even find out that someone killed him.

  Bruno Langois : You've got a beautiful face. Why do you want to stick it in where it doesn't belong?

  Marie Jouvet : Because it's my job.

  Bruno Langois : What good's your job, if you've gotta do your TV show from a hospital bed?

• Marie Jouvet : So far, the incident hasn't even been investigated. And if Bruno Langlois is in the mood to deny the allegation, I will be happy to repeat it on the witness stand.

• Marie Jouvet : [on TV]  It's intriguing, but the more I find out about Clouseau, the more certain interested parties would prefer that I to drop my investigation. So far, I haven't turned up anything incriminating, but obviously I am rocking the boat, and people are getting nervous. One thing's sure. I intend to keep on rocking until I have answer for you. Good night.

• Marie Jouvet : [entering Clouseaus' house]  Avon calling.

• Marie Jouvet : Could you tell me something about your son?

  Clouseau's Father : No. After four o'clock, I can't tell you anything about my son.

  Marie Jouvet : Why not after four o'clock?

  Clouseau's Father : Because, after tasting the wine all day, after four o'clock I can't remember my son - let alone tell you anything about him. It is a miracle that I remember it is after four o'clock.

• Marie Jouvet : I don't know why, but I have the distinct impression that I was expected.

  Hercule Lajoy : Clouseau has disappeared. You're a reporter? Elementary.

  Marie Jouvet : Spoken like a true policeman.

  Hercule Lajoy : A retired policeman.

• Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus : Miss Jouvet, may I suggest that you go home and forget all about this.

  Sergeant Francois Duval : Excuse me.

  Marie Jouvet : I shall tell you exactly where I am going to go - directly to me office, where I shall write my next broadcast about the Mafia boss who kidnapped me, and about the chief inspector of the surute who refused to do anything about it.

  Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus : In my opinion, that would be most unwise.

  Marie Jouvet : What it boils down to, Inspector, is, I don't trust your opinion.