To Be or Not to Be (1983)
Mel Brooks: Dr. Frederick Bronski
Photos
Quotes
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Frederick Bronski : Let's face it, sweetheart: without jews, fags and gypsies there is no theatre.
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[Frederick, Andre, and Dobish are disguised as Hitler and two Nazi offiers]
Lieutenant Andre Sobinski : Heil Hitler!
Dobish : Heil Hitler!
Frederick Bronski : Heil myself!
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Frederick Bronski : Sondheim! Send in the clowns!
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[Frederick returns home, having succesfully impersonated Siletski at Gestapo headquarters]
Frederick Bronski : I did it! I did it! I gave the greatest performance of my life...
[sinks into a chair and peels off his fake beard]
Frederick Bronski : And nobody saw it.
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Frederick Bronski : When this is allover, I'm gonna get you everything you need. You need a coat... you need a dress... you need shoes.
[Rubbing Andre's face, thinking he's Anna]
Frederick Bronski : and you need a shave...
[he thinks]
Frederick Bronski : ... a shave?
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Frederick Bronski : If we don't make it through this, I forgive you for whatever happened between you and Lt. Sobinsky... but if we do, you're in a lot of trouble!
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[holding Frederick at gunpoint]
Prof. Siletski : Turn around.
Frederick Bronski : I won't. I want to see it coming.
[Siletski cocks the hammer]
Frederick Bronski : [turns around] I don't have to see it coming.
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Frederick Bronski : [as Hitler] All I want is peace. Peace! Peace!
[singing]
Frederick Bronski : A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France.
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[Frederick, disguised as Professor Siletski, has to go to Gestapo Headquarters]
Frederick Bronski : Listen, sweetheart, if I don't come back, then I forgive you for anything that happened between you and Lt. Sobinski.
[He opens the door to leave, but turns back]
Frederick Bronski : But if I do come back, you're in a lot of trouble!
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Colonel Erhardt : [referring to Capt. Schultz] I've always suspected zumzing wrong vit a man who does not drink or shmoke...
Frederick Bronski : You mean like our FUHRER?
Colonel Erhardt : Yes... NO!
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Colonel Erhardt : Cigar? Cigarette? Chocolate-covered nugats?
Frederick Bronski : Chocolate-covered what?
Colonel Erhardt : Nugats!
[Squishing one in his fingers]
Frederick Bronski : No. Thank you.
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Anna Bronski : [about the new poster] Look, I don't mind my name in smaller print. I don't even mind it under the title. But in PARENTHESES?
Dr. Frederick Bronski : I like it. It sets your name apart.
Anna Bronski : Well, set yours apart.
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Frederick Bronski : It's a, it's a, it's a RAT hole.
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Frederick Bronski : [disguised as Prof. Siletski] Remember, Erhardt, I'm going to see the Fuhrer tonight. Who knows *what* we'll talk about!
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[Anne has revealed another group of refugees to Frederick]
Frederick Bronski : More! What are they, Jews or rabbits?
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[Frederick, disguised as Hitler, bursts in on Erhardt trying to assault Anna]
Colonel Erhardt : [weakly] Heil Hit... Hit... Hit...
Anna Bronski : Hitler.
Colonel Erhardt : Hitler.
Frederick Bronski : Heil.
Anna Bronski : I tried to tell him somebody big was coming.
Colonel Erhardt : Big! But...
Frederick Bronski : Come schatze, ve're late.
[Anna exits, but Frederick turns back to Erhardt]
Frederick Bronski : Vat's your name?
Colonel Erhardt : Colonel Er... Er... Er...
[sticking her head back in]
Anna Bronski : Erhardt.
Colonel Erhardt : Thank you.
Frederick Bronski : Erhardt? Erhardt? Aren't you the one who makes that joke about my becoming... A PICKLE?
[He leaves, slamming the door. Erhardt moans]
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[Frederick has to stall Prof. Siletski while the others rush back to his hotel room to search it]
Frederick Bronski : Just don't keep me hanging much longer, I stink without a script!
Lupinsky : [under his breath] He stinks with a script.
Frederick Bronski : I heard that!
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Frederick Bronski : [Disguised as Siletski] Remember, Earhardt, I'm going to see the Furher tonight - who knows *what* we'll talk about!