Yellowbeard (1983)

Madeline Kahn: Betty

Photos 

Quotes 

• Betty : It's about your father.

  Dan : What about him?

  Betty : When I said he was dead, I was only trying to cushion the blow.

• Betty : When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.

  Yellowbeard : Does he know about this?

  Betty : Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.

• Yellowbeard : Where's the map?

  Betty : What map?

  Yellowbeard : If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!

• Betty : If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst.

• Commander Clement : [about pile of dead bodies]  What happened?

  Betty : Plague!

  Commander Clement : Plague?

  Betty : All sudden like! Lucky I was out.

  Commander Clement : That man's got a sword in him!

  Betty : He fell on it.

• Betty : [Recreating the path to where the treasure is burried]  Stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl, jump...

• Betty : That's Yellowbeard.

  Yellowbeard : I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!

• Dan : A pirate? Like Yellowbeard?

  Betty : Very much like Yellowbeard, yes. In fact, he is Yellowbeard.

• Betty : It's been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do? Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.

• Betty : Well, it's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.

  Yellowbeard : I raped ya, if that's what you mean.

  Betty : Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.

• Yellowbeard : I'm sure I killed the last one I raped, it can't have been you.

  Betty : Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side, but not fatal dear.

• Betty : I think it was the shark what jogged my memory.

• Yellowbeard : Who're you talkin' about?

  Betty : The fruit of your loins, sugar drawers.

  Yellowbeard : Are you mad, woman? I haven't got fruit in my loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em!

• Betty : When little Dan came along...

  Yellowbeard : Who's Dan?

  Betty : [indignantly]  My and probably your son!

• Betty : You're all going after the treasure!

  Dan , Lord Lambourn , Yellowbeard , Dr. Gilpin : No!

  Lord Lambourn : Uh, botanical...

  Yellowbeard : Killing plants!

• Betty : I'm talking about the fruit of your loins.

  Yellowbeard : Fruit of me loins? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em, but no fruit!

• [Betty throws a book Dan had been reading on the floor] 

  Betty : Read, read, read, read! Let me tell you something - last time I read a book, I was raped. Let THAT be a lesson to you.