User Reviews

I knew nothing of this film before I saw it. It was a free "On Demand" film from Comcast. I didn't even know Johnny Depp was in it. I thought the plot description (which was vague) sounded like every other girl-crazy sex comedy released after "Animal House," and I got what I expected.

To be fair this is entertaining. No, it's not a great movie. It's not very well made. It's crude. It's sexist. It's all about sex.

But that's exactly what it's supposed to be. Graded by the standards of its genre, it works.

It's about two kids (one of whom is played by Johnny Depp) who gain access to a private resort in the middle of the Caribbean (presumably). There's no backdrop. We don't even know how they got in to the resort. And they look about 16, so it's odd to see them going after women in their 30s and 40s (sometimes succeeding).

Depp wasn't famous yet (correct me if I'm wrong but this was his first starring role in a film to speak of?) and this certainly didn't help boost his career (he took a considerably smaller role in Oliver Stone's "Platoon" the year after) but he displays charisma and good charm that would carry on into his later movies.

The film's take-it-as-it-is attitude makes it entertaining. It's a simple sex comedy with crude laughs and running gags, a lot of which aren't very funny, a few of which are, almost all of which are at the least amusing.

Worth catching if you see it on cable some time.

Before Johnny Depp went on to major big screen career and befre Rob Morrrow starred in Northern Exposure on the small screen they starrred together as a pair of horny teens at a Florida resort looking to score. Morrow especially as he's trying to lose his virginity.

This is one fast paced comedy as Depp and Morrow get into ione scrape after another. One od the peole pursuing is Hector Elizondo a jewel thief who is after the diamond ring that Dodie Goodman gas. Dodie is grandmother and chaperone of Emily Longstreth ho Depp has his eye on.

Morrow makes friends with one of the young staff Karyn O'Bryan who is fending off the advances of a really obnoxious server Michael Bowen. Both plotlines intersect with the other many times throughout Private Resort.

A personal connection I had to this film was Tony Azito, tall rubber legged actor who stole the film as the hapless house detective He did some amazing comic pratfalls as just about everyone in the cast gets the better of him.

My connection to Tony Azito stems from my working days at the New York State Crime Victims Board when I visited him at his Greenich Village apartment after he had been hit by a car at Christopher and West Streets in Manhattan. Both legs were broken and I did his claim for unreimbursed medical expenses and loss of earnings. He was a good and gracious soul.

So to you Tony Azito this rview is dedicated.

Private Resort is funny as a sex comedy, but not drop dead funny as some might think. Just a typical one that also has two stars who made it big, Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow (guess which one made it real big). Another big star that I liked was Andrew Dice Clay in one of his earlier roles that made me surprised he was in this movie. OK, if you are the Diceman. B-

Obviously this isn't a movie to be taken seriously and it may even be arguably offensive to women but I would take 'Private Resort' any day over the supposed 'comedy' flicks that feature the likes of Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan. There isn't much in terms of story. It's pretty much about two young men in their early twenties who go to a private resort to get laid. Meanwhile a jewel thief looks to steal a diamond necklace from a martial arts expert grandmother. It's definitely very silly but highly amusing. There's plenty of slapstick and overall cheesiness but the humour works and it has the right energy. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow's on-screen camaraderie is a delight to watch as they provide the funniest scenes. Both actors have come a long way since and it was fun to see them as their young selves playing horny kids. Hector Elizondo is funny too. There's plenty of nudity to keep the viewer further entertained. It also depicts the 80's fashion (with big puffy hair and funny clothes). Overall, it's a fun little flick that has some nostalgic value.

One of a plethora of PORKYS-inspired teen-sex comedies, memorable mainly for starring future TV star Rob Morrow ('Northern Exposure') and future mega-star Johnny Depp ('Pirates of The Caribberan', among others). It's essentially the same set-up as any other movie of this type: Two callow youths, one a self-professed Lothario (Depp), the other naive but desperate to lose his virginity (Morrow), find themselves in an exotic location, in this case a beach-front hotel, and become involved in wacky hijinks while in pursuit of sex. Depp is understandably not fond of this thing, done very early in his career to pay the rent. Both he and Morrow have fairly lengthy rear-nude scenes, mostly running around trying to hide when their attempts at seduction go disastrously wrong. There's also a subplot about a violent thug plotting to romance a scatter-brained dowager to obtain a valuable jewel, as well as an exasperated hotel manager determined to catch our heroes in the midst of inappropriate behavior.

Surprisingly, it's only half as awful as one would expect, thanks to some lively comedy and a fairly talented cast. To put it in perspective, it's better than, for instance, PORKYS 3, but not quite as good as an average 'Three's Company' episode.

Lame comedy notable for its casting but not much else. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow (in his film debut) star as two teens staying at a Miami resort for the weekend. They're looking to get laid but run afoul of jewel thief Hector Elizondo (wearing a wig that makes him look like Billy Crystal).

It's an '80s sex comedy so you pretty much know what to expect here. There's the horny kid trying to sneak a peak wherever he can, the uptight guy informing women in bikinis of the hotel's strict dress code, the one "nice" girl among all the floozies, and many other cheesy elements we've all seen before. There's also plenty of female flesh on display. The highlights of the movie are Hilary Shepard's nude scene and Leslie Easterbrook (of Police Academy fame) wearing a see-thru negligee. Unfortunately there isn't much else to recommend about this one. I didn't laugh once the whole time I was watching it. The two stars give no hint of their future successes here. Morrow is annoying and Depp is surprisingly charmless and bland. Elizondo comes off best in the comedy department. See it for the babes but nothing else.

This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen on Comedy Central. I think that says it all. I flipped it on one morning in the middle, watched for about an hour to try and figure out why anyone would possibly make the movie, and was left with no answer.

Take a typical 80's B-comedy, and give the two male leads to two actors who would go on to awards and world fame.

Believe me or not, Depp and Morrow take two stock characters and make the material seem that much better; suddenly Jack and Ben hold the film together, rather than just reacting to everything within a narrow character description. Okay, so it's not art, but it's interesting from a film education perspective, if nothing else.

The script and direction aren't bad either, for a 1980's sex romp. Would have liked to see the director go on to better material. Ah, well.

7/10, for effort and sheer amusement value.

To paraphrase Elizabeth Bennet, this film was offensive in every possible way. Misogynist, racist, misogynist, fat jokes, misogynist, every possible stereotype you could think of. And the fat jokes were misogynist fat jokes. The only male character who was overweight was a boy, about 12 years old, who was remarkable for his sneaky horniness. Actually I guess he was a fat joke, too, but the fat jokes with women were much less gentle and impossible to miss. The one truly funny moment involved Hector Elizondo and an aerobics class.

I expected this to be a low-quality movie. I didn't expect it to be *this* bad. I only watched it all the way through so that I wouldn't wonder, years later, if maybe I had missed something good. Also because I went to the trouble of getting it on Interlibrary Loan. At least it was fairly short.

In "Private Resort" Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow star as two single guys out to meet women at a resort hotel. Actor Hector Elizondo turns in a good performance as a jewel thief and con artist assisted by his wife, played by Leslie Easterbrook. Hilary ( Shapiro ) Shepard-Turner is very convincing as a religious fanatic and heiress to a fortune. This film is filled with classic slapstick comedy, and in places is both entertaining and funny despite a somewhat weak plot. Overall, Private Resort is a good comedy film of the 1980s. Veteran actress Dody Goodman plays a wealthy heiress whose jewelry is targeted by Hector Elizondo's character. There is lots of physical comedy with several now-famous actors early in their careers. Although there is some language and nudity in this film, it is a typical comedy film of the fast-moving 80's.

Released in 1985, "Private Resort" stars Johnny Depp (who was only 21 during filming) and Rob Morrow as two adolescent guests at a Florida resort for the weekend. Their only interest is chasing beach beauties, but fate has much more in store for them.

My title blurb is true: I've never seen such an assortment of bodacious females in any other movie. I'll put it like this: Take any dozen similar-themed movies and I assure that "Private Resort" contains more beautiful women than all of them in just the first half hour.

The top female, by the way, is the one with whom Andrew Dice Clay's character intends to cheat; the one the protagonists try to hide from the girlfriend in the apartment (it's impossible to pinpoint her name in the credits and, besides, I think she's uncredited).

Second place goes to Emily Longstreth, who plays Patti. Speaking of whom, she fell out of acting entirely by the 90s and reportedly fell into substance abuse, mental illness, and living in a homeless shelter in New York City. There's also credible reports that she died in January, 2015 (please correct me, if this isn't true). In any case, she shines here as Rob's potential girlfriend and shows-off her physical beauty in a white bikini in the last act.

Aside from the women, there are a lot of compelling antics, like zany chases in the hotel and butchered haircuts. Despite the boys' obsession with females, the movie drives home the point of landing the right mate, who's beautiful inside and out.

I've heard the movie criticized as misogynistic, but this is laughable in light of the focus on women and the celebration thereof. I suppose these critics object to the excessive and unnecessary top nudity and the like, which I agree with and this explains my somewhat mediocre rating. In other words, the ladies are incredible and this is a really fun beach comedy, but I can't in good conscience recommend it due to the tasteless elements.

The move is short 'n' sweet at 1 hour, 22 minutes, and was shot at Ocean Reef Club, Key Largo, Florida.

GRADE: C+

Everyone has those cheesy 80's favorites that weren't as well known as the Porky's, Real Genius, Revenge of The Nerds, etc...Everyone remembers those B-level films you would see late at night on Cinemax and for some reason, you sat there and watched it, and ended up loving some of them. I'm thinking of movies like Fraternity Vacation, Hot Dog, Malibu Express, etc.

Private Resort is one of those movies for me. I'm really surprised it is not more popular, and a 3.7 IMDb rating just seems insanely low to me.

You've got Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow, very early in their careers, running around and getting into all this wacky hi jinx at a fancy Florida resort. Although they came just to have some fun and chase some girls, they find themselves getting into a bunch of different hilarious situations. Hector Elizondo is also really funny in this movie, as the bad guy with the bad toupee. And who can forget Andrew Dice Clay in a memorable role?

Definitely not an Oscar-caliber epic, but just one of those hilarious 80's sex romps. These types of movies disappeared for about 10 years but I'm glad to see the cycle is coming back around with movies like American Pie, Old School, Eurotrip, etc. Lots of laughs, gorgeous babes, and fun in the sun. This is a pretty under-appreciated 80's comedy classic in my opinion.

If you're looking for a serious film, or an engaging storyline, this is not it. But if you're looking for a bit of daft fun, or want to chuckle at the young Depp in one of his earliest films, then it's worth a watch.

It's packed with cheap laughs, slapstick and crude humour. A bit of light-hearted fun that kept me entertained, even if it was somewhat predictable. Comedy chases around the hotel, 2 guys chasing every visible bit of skirt and landing in hot water every time and baddies getting their comeuppance. That about sums it up.

It's not a 'bad' film by any means, just a bit of 80's cheese that needs to be taken in the manner intended.

"Bad" does not even begin to accommodate this terrible effort. Probably made for some pathetic budget, what this movie lacks in appeal it makes up for in offensiveness. Fake, boring, ridiculous also come to mind. Not the brightest spot on either Rob Morrow's or Hector Elizondo's resume.

First of all, let's get something straight. This is in fact the best spring break comedy of the 80's. However, that means it is the best of the 4 or 5 spring break comedies that came out between 1983-1985, really the only two years of the 1980's that had spring break comedies. Therefore, I'm talking about movies like Spring Break, Where the Boys Are, Hot Resort, and Fraternity Vacation, so which also means this is pretty much just a sex comedy. Of all these, Private Resort is by far and away the best one. It follows two young guys, Depp and Morrow, who are just looking to get laid and in the meantime get in trouble with hotel security, Andrew Dice Clay, and Hector Elizondo before his Chicago Hope days. Also, not to mention the beautiful girls throughout the movie, but what else do you expect? As a result, this is a truly underrated sex comedy, but don't bother to watch it on Comedy Central, because like Casino and Goodfellas, it has to be seen uncut. **+ out of ****

BA,BA,BA, BA-BA-BA-BA-BA......

...this is still somewhat more watchable than the reems of nearly cookie-cutter sex quasi-comedies of the era.

Young,horny dudes JAck(JOhn Depp,pre-"21 Jump Street" and probably unrecognizable to most film-goers) and Ben(Rob Morrow,who,years before "Northern Exposure" or "Num3ers" and probably wondering if he ever was THAT young) are on the prowl. They use their cabana boy jobs at a posh private resort(hence the title)to find loose ,randy women who want to get it on with them. Oh,they'll find love(it's an 80's film,keep in mind),but not before they bump into hi-jinx involving,among others,a sweet but ditsy Southern Belle(Leslie Easterbook,awash in all of her jiggly,juggly sexiness,minus the button-down contrast of the Police Academy films)and her hot-headed jewel thief husband(Hector Elizondo,cashing the paycheck),a doddering guest(Dody Goodman),a new-age cultish hottie in disguise(Hilary Shapiro)and the resort boss.

Director George Bowers was able to cull a pretty decent slapstick energy out of the film. The plot of the film seems extracted from something out of a Marx Brothers or THree Stooges feature(or short),which is actually a nice(And not as easy to execute as one might think)mix to the morally loose '80s stylizing of '70s sex comedy mores. It's definitely the curiosity,if for nothing else,to catch a young,unaffected up-and-coming actor or two cut their teeth on comedy.

****Excellent

***Good

**Fair

*Poor

Private Resort is an average `80s sex comedy. Filled with slapstick, likeable characters, underdeveloped plots, sex, and nudity. The film stars Rob Morrow and Johnny Deep who at the time still hadn't matured as a performer.

Both actors play buddies who during on Spring Break run into a jewel thief and hook up with beautiful women. In addition to Depp the film features familiar faces in their earliest roles as Leslie Easterbrook (of Police Academy fame), Hector Elizando, and Hiliary Shapiro.

The film itself is pretty lame and unoriginal but it could be fairly entertaining on a rainy day.

RATING: 2 STARS

Private Resort is a rather woeful 1980s teenage sex comedy.

The main interest is that it features Johnny Depp, Andrew Dice Clay and Rob Morrow in early roles.

Depp and Morrow play two horny teenagers in a Miami resort hotel surrounded by hot women in bikinis and trying to get some action which results in misunderstandings especially as the bumbling hotel detective is on their trail.

A bewigged Hector Elizondo plays a jewel thief who is after a valuable diamond necklace and the fake hairdresser who ruined his hair. Leslie Easterbrook plays his MILF wife.

It is all rather crude, farcical and hapless. The film has a thin plot and is not really funny but contains enough T&A to keep horny teenagers of the time happy. It is nowhere near the level of the first Police Academy film.

This one is hard to rate. This is of course a complete mess of a movie; jumps from one set piece to another with only so little to tie them together. We basically watch sex starved Depp and Morrow try to make the most out of a weekend in a luxurious Private Resort Hotel and all they do is get into a whole lot of trouble.

But the movie is fun. A totally 80's comedy, with the atmosphere planted solely on sex and low brow humor which more than a few times hits bull's eye. It doesn't hurt either if you grew up watching this film, some good memories associated with this one in my case. The fact that this film doesn't make a whole lot of sense and is way over he top, especially near the end, actually works in it's favor.

The cast is willing and able. Depp and especially Morrow are very appealing leads but Elizondo completely steals the show as the world's unluckiest jewel thief (also with the world's ugliest haircut). Everybody seems to be having fun doing this and no one takes himself too seriously. How could they anyway?

As said, the film is hard to rate. It's not a sophisticated comedy which can boast of solid writing and plotting but as a sexually charged 80's skin flick comedy it ranks as one of the more pleasurable, in my opinion at least.

So you see, there's this movie. And if you watch it, you'll absolutely give up any and all hope for the future of humanity. The whole thing is a moronic titfest with very little tits and even littler of a fest. The attempts at romance and a plot are subpar, and the acting leaves so much to be desired that the phrase "much to be desired" doesn't do it justice.

The plot is abysmal, centering around two young men and wackiness at a resort over the weekend. The Maestro wants to steal a diamond, and he is just a very bad thief. Add in a bunch of two dimensional women, and you have a romp that borrows heavily from _Catalina Caper_ and _Porky's_.

If you like Johnny Depp or that guy from "Northern Exposure," don't see this movie. If you like Hector Elizondo, stay as far away from this movie as possible. If you like Andrew Dice Clay... then this movie can't really be too much worse for you.

I really have to emphasize this just one more time, so please please trust me: DON'T.

It isn't every day you can watch Andrew "Dice" Clay slap around Johnny Depp in a movie. Or see Blanche from the Grease movies down a whole bottle of Quaaludes. Or see Hector Elizondo running around with a reverse Mohawk.... the list goes on. But these are just some of the things you'll see in this very enjoyable comedy from a bye gone era of film-making. Private Resort has a plot so minimal that one really would be hard pressed to describe it. I guess you could say that it is about two young men (Depp & Morrow) who visit a posh oceanside resort hoping to meet girls. They meet several, and along the way they get mixed up with an evil jewel thief played by Hector Elizondo. The action is played out in a series of chase scenes through the hotel, attempted hook-ups, and even a shootout at the end. Roll credits.

Private Resort scores on many fronts. First of all, this film knows it's a sex comedy. So it also knows that in order for the audience to get their money's worth, there has to be a lot of nudity. And this film does not disappoint in that department. Even the guys get naked! You bet! Johnny Depp is fully nude at one point. We only see his backside, but I'll bet his female (and some male) fans will be totally satisfied. It appears this film was made before he started getting all of those tattoos. I didn't notice one on him. The film relies on physical comedy or "slapstick" for most of the laughs. The script has few memorable lines, but it really doesn't need them to get the point across. That poor guy who plays the head of hotel security continually gets the crap beat out of him as the action unfolds. So does Elizondo.

Depp is appealing in one of his earliest roles. I doubt that he was asked many questions about it when he went Inside the Actor's Studio, however. Maybe Depp looks back on this film and smiles as he remembers a more simple time in his life. Who knows? Morrow as the more shy one of the two main characters is also very likable. It's good to see he still works, too. Andrew Clay is featured, and this is before he became known as the "Diceman". He is shirtless on one scene, and he appears to have more hair on his shoulders than on his entire back! Really, there isn't much more one can say about this film. It hits all the notes it intended to hit. The cast takes juvenile material and makes the most of it. Elizondo in particular stands out. You can even sense a few ad-libs he may have thrown in in some scenes that add to the fun. Also, there is a welcomed appearance by the large-chested policewoman from the Police Academy movies. The film hasn't even aged all that badly, except for the obvious changes in female swimwear. But, since most of the women in the film end up naked in their scenes, it really doesn't matter what they're wearing, does it? 6 of 10 stars.

It was fun when I was in 8th grade, and it still is today!!! The Hound.

"Private Resort" is a very typical mid 1980's comedy, much in the footsteps of "Porkys" for instance.

The story in the movie is about two young men, Ben (played by Rob Morrow) and Jack (played by Johnny Depp) who are visiting a Florida resort where they hope to meet women. But the two young men will find more than just love here, as they are caught up in a web of deceit, trickery, an attempted jewel robbery, booze, and romance.

I will say that the story is not the most well thought through of plot lines, but it did prove entertaining enough. Just bear in mind that this is right off the assembly line of mid 1980's comedies.

The cast was actually quite good, aside from Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow, then there was also some good performances by Hector Elizondo and Leslie Easterbrook. If you grew up watching the movies in the 1980's then you should know these names, if not by name, then by face.

The comedy throughout the movie was like a roller-coaster, at times it was great and hilarious, other times it wasn't all right there.

I am rating "Private Resort" 5 out of 10 stars, because it wasn't a memorable movie, and it was just right between good and poor, so mediocre might be the right word here.

Forget what Metascore or some critic says.

Very, very entertaining movie. Pretty funny as well -- and its Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow. A plus.

It's your simple 80s spring break beach type of movie.