Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985)

Joel Grey: Chiun

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Quotes 

• Remo Williams : How old are you? I mean really, you are old, now aren't you?

  Chiun : For an apricot, yes. For a head of lettuce, even more so. For a mountain, I have not even begun in years. For a man, I am just right.

• Chiun : Do you know why Americans call it fast food?

  [Remo shakes his head "no."] 

  Chiun : Because it speeds them on the way to the grave.

  [Chiun laughs at his little joke. Remo doesn't laugh] 

  Chiun : As I feared; you have no sense of humor.

• Chiun : It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it. Why must everything in this country be coated with monositi-... monosoti...

  Remo Williams : Monosodium glutamate. You can't even say it.

  Chiun : I can say "rat droppings." That does not mean I want to eat them.

• Remo Williams : You know, Chiun, you're a real pain in the ass.

  Chiun : That is because it is the shortest route to your brain!

• Remo Williams : [Last lines]  Chiun, you're incredible!

  Chiun : No! I am better than that.

• Chiun : Women should stay home and make babies. Preferably, manchild.

  Major Rayner Fleming : [to Remo]  I see you both went to the same charm school.

• Chiun : You move like a pregnant yak. Sit.

• Remo Williams : [57:55]  You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you.

  Chiun : Of course. I am Chiun.

  Remo Williams : And there are times when I could really kill you.

  Chiun : Good! We will practice that after dinner.

• Chiun : The trained mind does not need a watch. Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.

• Chiun : Professional assassination... is the highest form of public service.

• [Remo dangles from a car on the Wonder Wheel] 

  Remo Williams : Jesus!

  Chiun : Concentrate! This is NO time for prayer!

• Chiun : You did not ask to be white. So perhaps that is not your fault. You did not ask to be here. Perhaps that is not your fault, either.

• Chiun : Fear is just a feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel angry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you.

• Remo Williams : [Remo hears Chiun singing a song in Korean]  Is it painful?

  Chiun : I was singing an old Korean love song.

  Remo Williams : It's a wonder the race isn't extinct.

• Remo Williams : I've got a job to do.

  Chiun : Remo!

  [whispers in Remo's ear] 

  Chiun : Do not embarrass us.

  Remo Williams : I won't... Little Father.

• Chiun : I do not wear glasses so that I may see. I wear glasses so that I may see... more.

• Chiun : Place your hands behind your head.

  [Remo complies, then doubles over from a blow from Chiun, too fast to be seen] 

  Chiun : I did not say keep them there. Your reflexes are pitiful! The seasons move faster.

• Conn MacCleary : [referring to Remo]  Well, Chiun? What do you think?

  Chiun : He's very slow. His reflexes are pitiful; poorly coordinated. He's in wretched physical condition, impetuous, and clumsy. He moves like a baboon with two club feet! However, there is a feeble glint of promise in his eyes. I think I can do something with him.

  Conn MacCleary : Good.

• Chiun : [having just sprinted across the surface of a lake]  You must run *very* fast.

• Remo Williams : Are you hurt?

  Chiun : No. When you approach middle age, there is a tendency toward bruising, my son.

  Remo Williams : What? What did you call me?

  Chiun : I called you a clumsy oaf! You drive like a monkey in heat!

• Remo Williams : Do you always talk like a Chinese fortune cookie?

  [Outraged, Chiun strikes Remo in his solar plexus. Remo stumbles to the window, partially paralyzed, and in pain] 

  Chiun : Chinese! *Korean* is the most perfect creature ever to sanctify the earth with the imprint of its foot.

• Chiun : Karate, Kung Fu, Ninjitsu - they are but shadows. Sinanju is the Sun.

• Chiun : [Standing on Remo's stomach]  Breathe out... slowly... do not gulp. If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly. Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.

• [Chiun pulls the trigger on a revolver, click, click, click] 

  Remo Williams : You used the other four yesterday.

  Chiun : [Chiun fires a round nearly hitting Remo in the head]  I reloaded.

• Chiun : Remember, perfection is a road, not a destination.

• Chiun : In Korea, door handles do not break.

• Remo Williams : [Chiun is staring intently at the TV]  What are you watching?

  Chiun : Your country's one and only contribution to the arts. It concern family... Iove, honor, and courage. All that is noblest in the human spirit.

  Remo Williams : It's a soap opera for Christ's sake!

• Remo Williams : [Last lines, while speeding away on a boat]  Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass!

  Chiun : That is because it is the shortest route to your brain! But we must hurry!

  Remo Williams : What's the rush?

  Chiun : We must return in time to see if Jim is truly going to walk.

  Remo Williams : What'd you say?

  Chiun : Or has the doctor merely told him so because he hoped to get a new wing for the hospital from his stepmother.

  Remo Williams : Chiun, you're incredible!

  Chiun : No! I am better than that!

• Chiun : Purge your mind of fear and believe in yourself.

• Chiun : It is called fast food because it speeds you to the grave.

• Chiun : [51:00]  No rice

  Remo Williams : no rice

  Chiun : You forgot the rice!

  Remo Williams : Maybe we could grow some!

  Chiun : Maybe you could spare me your feeble attempt at humor and save it for the shopkeeper at the corner he has excellent chung chu rice.

• Chiun : Success is a journey, not a destination.

• Chiun : You move like a baboon... with two clubbed feet!

• Chiun : [50:16]  It would be better for you to eat this can that's what is inside of it.