Rustlers' Rhapsody (1985)

Andy Griffith: Colonel Ticonderoga

Photos 

Quotes 

• Colonel Ticonderoga : Let me just ask you one question. There's one thing I'm most curious about. Why bring the body here? My god, this is a home! People live here!

  Jim : Well, Colonel, we didn't know exactly what to do with him.

  Colonel Ticonderoga : Bury him! How 'bout that? Don't you think that's a good idea?

  Jud : Oh, yes sir, yes sir, Colonel!

  Colonel Ticonderoga : I mean, do you think that when somebody dies, they place them permanently on the family couch?

  Jim : No sir.

  Colonel Ticonderoga : Gee whi-iz!

• Colonel Ticonderoga : You missed! How could you miss?

  Jud : Even with these sights we have a target a hundred yards away, maybe more, we've never fired these weapons before, there's a definite wind factor, AND we have a problem with the sun!

  Colonel Ticonderoga : Just shoot, okay?

• Colonel Ticonderoga : Jud, throw another faggot on the fire.

  Jud : A what?

  Colonel Ticonderoga : A log! Throw another log on the fire.

• [henchmen knock on door] 

  Colonel Ticonderoga : [in falsetto voice]  Who is it?

  Jim : It's a bunch of your men. Five of 'em.

  Colonel Ticonderoga : [clears throat and talks in manly voice]  Be right there, men.