Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

Dudley Moore: Patch

Photos 

Quotes 

• Anya Claus : [Dooley is reading Twas The Night Before Christmas]  What is it?

  Santa Claus : It's a poem. A poem about me. They say it's a big hit.

  Dooley : He had a broad face, and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

  Santa Claus : What was that? That last part.

  Dooley : [reading with hesitation]  He had a broad face.

  Santa Claus : Yes. Go on.

  Dooley : [continues reading with hesitation]  And a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of...

  Santa Claus : Jelly.

  Dooley : It's... just a poem.

  Santa Claus : [upset]  Is that how they think I look?

  Anya Claus : [struggling not to laugh]  Well... The cookies.

  Patch : It's the cookies.

  [the other elves snicker] 

• Patch : Don't you believe in Santa Claus?

  B.Z. : Why should I? He never brought me anything.

  Patch : That's because you were probably a naughty boy.

  B.Z. : Yes. I guess I was... no angel.

• B.Z. : A sequel. That's it. We'll bring it out on March 25, and we'll call it... Christmas 2!

  Patch : Christmas 2?

• Patch : You'll fix it so I can get on the telly... what's-it?

  B.Z. : When?

  Patch : Uh, Christmas Eve.

  B.Z. : How long?

  Patch : Is a minute all right?

  B.Z. : Yeah. What channel?

  Patch : [simply]  Well all of them.

  B.Z. : All of them?

  Patch : Yeah.

  B.Z. : Which country?

  Patch : [simply]  All of them.

  B.Z. : [shocked]  ALL of them?

  Patch : [pleased]  Yes! All the countries, all the channels!

  B.Z. : [incredulous]  That would cost a fortune!

• B.Z. : This stardust, this reindeer cornflakes. What would happen if we were to juice up the formula, make it stronger?

  Patch : Well, it's self-explanatory it would make them fly!

• B.Z. : What would it cost?

  Patch : Cost? Cost who?

  B.Z. : The people, who, who buy the toy.

  Patch : Well, nothing. We're going to give them away free.

  [B.Z. starts spluttering and his face turns red] 

  Patch : Oh! Oh, that's fantastic! How do you turn your face so red so fast?

  B.Z. : FOR FREE?

  Patch : Well, that's how we do it at the North Pole.

  B.Z. : WELL, THAT'S NOT HOW WE DO IT HERE! In a free enterprise system!